When I was asked this question it threw me for a loop. Why though? I am living life everyday, doing things that I feel I have to do and making room for what I feel I want to do. The outcomes of those experiences can be great. Other times, they are not so great. That can be disappointing and I cannot figure out why most of the time. Is it because I don’t really know what I want?
What do YOU want? I believe that this is one of the most important questions you can ask yourself. When we don’t know what we really want we accept job just because they will pay us. Or maybe we go out on a date or out with “friends” because we think they like us. When you don’t know what you really want you see life the way others see it. Your movement and emotions are control by “the crowd”. “What works for them should work for me.” “Only certain people get lucky and have what they want right?” “Only particular people succeed, etc.”
SOmetimes you have to ask yourself the hard questions.
We have to get alone with ourselves and ask this question. Why? So that we know for certain that we have an answer that is unique to who we are and what we want to see happen to and for ourselves. How will you know that what you say you want isn’t really what you heard someone else say and it sounded it good to you? Is that really your desire for your life or is it your best friend or your parents desire for your life? Do you feel like you were put under pressure so you just said what you thought someone wanted to hear because it was the “right” thing to say?
Ok, so how will you know? Let’s reframe the question and see if we get can get more clarity. What do I want? Let’s see. Looking at it from another angle….what do you not want to regret… not doing, saying, or being in this life?
What do you NOT want to regret…not doing, saying or being in this life?
I feel like getting alone with yourself and asking this question leads us to honest with ourselves. 100% honest! We are all different and have different experiences so borrowing someone else’s answer will not serve you in the least there. Sitting with this makes you think about the things that you have always wanted to do, say, or be and you may have let fear keep you away from living honestly.
In this space, you are empowered to know YOUR truth. Learn more about you and not borrow from the life of someone that you admire, or a bucket list on Pinterest or the “Gram”. This is about you. Where you see yourself now and the ideal YOU that is possible. We can so easily get caught up in following what has worked for others and not bother with the road less traveled. Why be different? It worked for them right? We should not allow ourselves to settle for anything and know what we truly want for ourselves. Yes, what they have worked for them, but would that same thing make you feel as if you have truly succeeded? Will you feel accomplished or that YOUR dreams have finally come true? Do not let anyone tell you what you want out of this life.
Learn more about you and decide what you truly want.
Write it down. Make it Plain
Make a list if you have to! I am one who loves to journal so those things definitely have been written when I think about them. A lot of times I thought that I wanted something until I knew what it would take to get them and wasn’t willing to put in the time or effort. Yep….had to be honest with myself. Regrets are real and they are unique to you. Only you can say whether you regret doing or saying a particular thing. No two people will feel exactly the same about an experience. You are the only one that can look back and say whether you actually regretted doing or saying something.
What do you NOT want to regret not doing, saying, or being in this life?
What would you have on your list? Not speaking up for yourself? Or maybe you did, but you misunderstood what was said and severed a relationship that you really enjoyed. Do you regret letting go of a relationship for another and learning about the “grass” on the other side? What about not loving someone that truly loved you? I know that I had regrets about not starting things that I wanted to but let others talk me out of them. Or staying in places too long. I may have watered myself down in a few conversations back in the day to fit into a group that I knew would not serve me but I would “belong”. I no longer have those regrets but I know what it feels like and what I no longer want to feel.
How do you want to feel?
You don’t want to regret loving that person or letting go of a relationship without trying. How do you want to feel? You want to feel love I am sure. Want to be in a committed relationship that is about more than how you feel in one particular moment. We all want to feel heard, seen and understood right?
You don’t want to regret not speaking up, showing up, or standing up for yourself. Be real, be true to you and be your own best friend and advocate. Learn to be honest with yourself and then put THAT you out there for others. Live your life on purpose and out loud. People will always have something to say. Give them something juicy!
We can ask ourselves this for any and every area of our lives. What don’t I want to regret? How do I want to feel after I…? My relationships, my career, family, friends, and self-development…what am I afraid of NOT doing or accomplishing?
Sit with yourself and figure out what you really want. No one really has a say in what you want for you. You don’t need convincing or advice either. Don’t worry about someone trying to shame or judge you. You alone are running your race and I am sure that you want to feel fulfilled in it. This is all about you and what you truly want. When you know, you can grow.