Posted in Lifestyle

How I Gave Up Good For Great

“To be given the gift of life is extraordinary and the best thing we can do is live it as fabulously as we can.” -Alex Kingston

Most people will never actually experience true success. Why? Because they are unwilling to actually take over the position of CEO of their life. They allow others to control what happens and what doesn’t happen in their lives.

Why are so many of us unwilling to take risks, to fail in public, and to have to start over after falling down? Some are just not willing to give up what is good for something GREAT! Let’s just say, some just cannot see giving up their “normal” life.

Giving up your “normal” life is not gonna be easy or painless, if you choose to. If we are looking to have an extraordinary life, we are gonna have to trade in what we are comfortable with. The journey of growing up…evolving…succeeding is more than likely going to be painful at some point.

The more we evolve into better versions of ourselves, the more comforts we may have to give up. We are going to look at our lives and reconsider the company we keep, the food we eat, how we spend our time and the things and people that we entertain. Giving up some of these things may sting us a little but in the long run, they won’t be missed because you will be too busy enjoying the fruits of your hard work and sacrifice. Most people just are not willing to give up those things for something better. It takes work; everyone is not there for it.

I took the Financial Peace class that Dave Ramsey has out not too long ago and his quote I can still hear in my head, ” Live like no one else, so later you can live like no one else.” This is a process but can be done. It is not easy but I have no regrets so far. I have had to start my financial freedom journey over many times but I am getting closer and closer to getting it right.

In order for any of us to be on the path to living an extraordinary life, we have to admit to our faults and what we need to give up. I had to finally admit some years ago that I did not have all of the tools I needed in order to “fix” the things in my life that needed to be fixed nor did I have the strength to leave places and people that were no good for my growth. I made the choice to go get counseling and it helped sooooo much! Over the past few years, I have been going through some tough emotional recovery from my past. There was a lot of emotional baggage that I was carrying around and I was making decisions in my present life based off of those hurts…a huge downward spiral! If I can be real with you now, my past was full of broken relationships, shame, guilt, and self-loathing and I did a good job covering it up with smiles and kindness toward everyone but myself. Going to counseling was one of the hardest struggles for me but it was one of my greatest decisions. I do still struggle , of course, but I can live an extraordinary life because I have dealt with my mess and stop letting it call the shots in my life.

I realized that if I wanted to live an extraordinary live, I would have to confront and resolve all of the things that kept me from doing it. We all have things that have happened in our past that may keep us from living our best life. Some of us deal with those things right away, others rather throw a blanket or band-aid over them and keep moving. That’s a sign of a “normal” life.

” Good is the enemy of great. And that is one of the key reasons why we have so little that become great. Few people attain great lives, in large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good life.” – Jim Collins.

You have to give up something in order to accomplish something else. If we want that extraordinary life, we have to look at what we need to give up in the short-term in order to have the life we dream of. It may mean giving up your favorite foods, seeing certain people in your life less, leaving a job, declining an opportunity, or even letting go of watching porn to connect with people. Who knows? You know!

All great opportunities costs us “good” ones.

We can’t have a normal life and an extraordinary one at the same time. You can’t have both; you have to choose.

3 things that I think most of us have to give up to have an extraordinary life.

  1. Security and Certainty. We all love our safety nets and the security we feel when we are living our normal life. We love our steady paycheck, the unhappiness of that 10 year relationship, that 9-5…. We don’t have to live this way forever though. If we give up the mundane things, not saying life will be perfect, but you will have more control over your life and actions, especially at the costs of having others calling the shots in your life. Take a risk and start writing that book or blog, start that business, go on a date with him/her…go on an adventure.
  2. Fear of Judgement. It is funny how if you post, ” I got the job” as your Facebook status, you will get lots of likes. If you post, ” I finally started my own business.” you will not get nearly as much engagement. Why is that? Most people are afraid to see someone achieve the dreams that they never did. You may be doing something they have only talked or dreamed about but never made a move. When they do not support you, they are more than likely protecting themselves from acknowledging that failure. They may not understand why you chose to leave the comfort and safety of your normal life… to live in an inconsistent, wild, frightening life full of uncertainty…and freedom. They will judge you, criticize and condemn you…you have to ignore them and keep reaching! Separating ourselves from the herd can be scary but we have to believe that we can do what we say we can.
  3. Someone else’s definition of success. Everyone’s definition of success is not the same. To most people, it has a lot to do with lots of money, fame, and possessions. There are many of people who have all of those things and more and still have empty and miserable lives. We see it all of the time when a celebrity is lost to drugs and suicide. No one can define your success but you. You will never reach your success if you allow others to define it. Define your own success and achieve it.

So really it is up to us to figure out what we need to sacrifice in order to have an extraordinary life. There is no concrete way for things to happen. The only thing we do know is that we have to make room for extraordinary. That means we have to let go of “okay”, “good” and comfortable.

Our relationships, finances, health, passions and our purpose being elevated all depend on us and what we make room for. The cost is gonna be great (as in big) but it will certainly be worth it….

Posted in Inspiration, Lifestyle

8 Thoughts of Why People Settle in Relationships

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Hardly anyone wants to admit that they settle. Whether we want to admit it or not, we sometimes find ourselves settling in life… in our jobs, in our friendships, and our romantic relationships. I believe when we find ourselves settling in our relationships, we are choosing quantity over quality, and honestly, we are really denying ourselves true happiness. It may not feel like something bad, but settling is damaging both people in the relationship because no one is living their truth. Whoever is settling is not allowing the other person in the relationship to receive who/what they really deserve. It seems unfair.

Many people in these relationships probably feel that it is better to just suck it up and keep moving inside of the relationship because they enjoy receiving from the relationship. They sit around hoping and wishing things will get better so they choose not to rock the boat. If someone is in a relationship like this, I know for sure that it is bringing them down emotionally and mentally and making them feel like crap inside. Been there, done that! We are not doing ourselves any favors by trying to keep a boat steady that is adding no value to us as a person and making us feel miserable inside.

Are you settling in your relationship?

Here are some reasons why someone would ….

  1. They think they don’t deserve better. Honestly, if you are not happy in your relationship, then you do deserve better! Periodt! I am not saying they have to make you happy because we are all responsible for our own happiness. The minute we give that power to someone else, we have completely lost control. We deserve the chance to be happy. If being in that person’s space takes that away from you in any form, you may need to reconsider the relationship.
  2. They feel the pressure to make it work. If you are in your 30s and 40s, a lot of people are married with children and making it work (or at least that is what they let us see). It just looks like it is something that you are supposed to be doing now. You may be feeling the pressure from family and friends to stay because “there is nothing out there on the dating scene”. Or, you may like the material happiness that comes along with the company.
  3. Denial! Most people that are settling in their relationships are really good at justifying every aspect of their relationship. They can paint a very pretty picture over the picture of their breaking heart and none will be the wiser… at least that is what they think.
  4. It is easier to stay than leave. To me, this is just lazy. Why bother to give yourself the space to create a life you can really enjoy? Why have the freedom to be YOU? Really? Lazy.
  5. They don’t wanna start over. I know that I hate when I give my time to something and it just doesn’t work out. I really don’t enjoy those experiences…and I have to admit that I am a terrible quitter! I really have to feel that I have exhausted all possibilities before I walk away from anything. I don’t do that as much as I used to. When people look at leaving a person and fears that it will mean starting all over again, they do not want to put in the time nor the energy to start fresh. They enjoy telling people that they have been in a relationship or married for 14 years or whatever…but if you have not been yourself and/or happy in it, you’re not bragging about much. The song Fake Love from Drake comes to mind 😒
  6. They are a creature of habit. Whaaaaaa?! I mean, we are all creatures of habit to an extent. This is not to say all of our habits are great ones though! We just like to keep things as they are …safety. There are people who are more addicted to habit than others though. They need to keep things in their place and that does spill over into their personal lives, making them settle because they are not interested in breaking habits…they would rather be broken inside.
  7. It involves too much to end it. People may stay if they feel like it will just be too much to figure out who keeps the house, the bank account, and the dog or whatever. They have family dinners and events to attend in the near future and bringing someone else would get them too many side eyes. We need to stop allowing fear to keep us from moving in the direction that will set our soul free. There are other apartments and banks, hell, even more dogs..or shared custody with the dog if it means that much to you. And I will say this, we cannot always be scared to let things go thinking that we will just be empty. When we let things go, we can be making room for bigger and better…have Faith!!
  8. They don’t wanna be alone. This seems to be a huge one to me. When you have been with someone for a while, the thought of being out in the dating world again is probably a scary one. That fear is getting in the way of your priority…YOU! Taking care of you and your heart should be of the utmost importance. If this person is not serving good to your soul and adding value to you and you stay, you are telling yourself that you are not a priority and your quality of life is not important.

Start checking in with yourself often. See how you are feeling about your job, your friendships and your romantic relationship. Be honest with yourself. Show yourself some love by making the bold move to prove that you deserve all of the happiness in the world…by all means necessary (within reason, of course)

Time to clean house!

Posted in Lifestyle

How To Start Owning Your Decisions

decision2I know that I do not speak for myself when I say that I was truly ill-equipped to make my own decisions as a young woman. From parents not allowing us to make small decisions as children to our friends and family imposing their personal opinions and desires on us as we grow into adulthood and beyond. There are different reasons for us all…reasons that we just did not get enough practice making our own decisions.

As we continue to grow, the sources of doubt may change. Does anyone have a mother-in-law that questions the decisions that you make when raising your children? Maybe it happens in your work environment because it doesn’t foster or support your talent. Most of us really want to feel so confident in our decisions that even when there is an opinion contrary to our own, we find the strength to keep moving ahead. Is this even possible? YES!

I have been through a lot and have had to live with the decisions of others on my life for decision1many years. I just didn’t know any better. We always think that people have our best interest at heart when the truth is, they have THEIR best interest at heart, not yours. “If it were me….” is how they are thinking when they are telling you what you should do. Guess what? YOU are not them! Only you can make decisions for you. I am definitely someone who still struggles with this…but much more rarely than my younger years. This is all part of some things that I am working on in year 46 (yes I said it!) Although it can be hard at times, in the end, we will grow and learn and cope better with decisions that we have made on our own. You can’t blame anyone if you pulled the trigger right?

So why do we struggle with decision-making?

  • Care what others think about what we do and say
  • Feelings of guilt and shame
  • Lack of self-love. When we are here, it is hard to trust ourselves or feel secure in what we do decide for ourselves.

 

Please understand that guilt is a healthy emotion because it does help us with the changes we do need to consider in our lives. Now when turning guilt into a sign that we are incapable or unworthy, then it becomes shame…Shame is destructive for us. THAT, we need to rid ourselves of for real. We also need to free ourselves from being people decisions3pleasers! We will never get where we want to go if we are concerned with how someone else is gonna feel about it. More than likely, they are not paying attention to how you feel when they make moves for their own lives. We need to deliver ourselves from caring how others feel and start to feel and listen to our bodies and minds. Tune in to what we desire and if we are called to do it, we need to move on that! We need to get to know ourselves, what we love and what we can do without. We need to do things that we love, be around people that love and support how we treat ourselves and have the desire to treat us well. We need to trust ourselves in our own hands. Why is it that we speak kindly to others and support their dreams but we turn our back on our own dreams and speak unkind words to ourselves? What the heck is wrong with us?!! We need to spend time building ourselves up while we are cheering everyone else on…periodtttttttttt

For most of my life, I knew what I wanted. I lost confidence in myself because I was always asking people for advice…I can’t even tell you why. I would ignore my gut feelings and take the advice of people who hardly even knew me, let alone my heart and intentions.

“The vast majority of advice you’ll receive comes from a place of love. But ultimately we have to make our own choice based on what’s best for us. You’ll never make a decision 100% of people will accept as a great decision. That’s ok. Don’t let people who don’t decisions5matter too much, matter too much.” -Wes Moore.

We need to stop taking surveys before we make moves in our own lives. Mind our own business!

Now many of us play the victim like we did in childhood. We resort to being passive about what we want and we play the blame game when things don’t work out the way we envisioned it.  Most of us learned at a young age how to play the victim. We were raised in families that acted from fear and it crippled us when it came to trusting ourselves to do what was right for us. People that live in victim mode always pity the hand that they were dealt and focus on how people have mistreated them. They feel sorry for themselves even when things are not going so bad.

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When they look at vulnerability, they do not see it as an offense to be open to learning and growing and success, they see it as dangerous and weak and go on the defense

Playing the victim will undermine your joy and success with self-destructive behavior. We have to choose to take responsibility and create a life that we will truly enjoy.

“If we tell our story in a way that disempowers us we won’t know that we matter even in the midst of the story.”- Iyanla Vanzant

We need to use good judgment while making decisions for our lives and we are more than capable of doing it without the help of others. We choose who or what we believe…even when we listen and do what someone tells us, we are choosing to listen and obey. We need to examine what we hear and weigh it against our own sense of truth…and if you pray…pray about it! Do what feels right after you give it some thought, even if it goes against what someone told you to do. You’re allowed to create your own path without apologies.

If I may say this…We are responsible for who we are regardless of how we were raised. We have to know this and not continue to blame our past for what we are doing 30 years later in the present.

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Posted in Lifestyle

You Are Not Broken!

notbroken1For many years, I really spent a lot of time doubting myself. Always wishing that I had a different body or looked different, had a better financial situation or a different life.  It took me a moment but I did realize that I needed to accept myself, the way I was…right then.

We have to learn to acknowledge who we are…now…and accept that person…today…

Why do spend so much time and energy fighting the truth? We do it consciously and subconsciously. Why are we always wanting to be someone else, do something that someone else is doing, wanting to be a different person, look a different way, or carrying ourselves a different way? We really need to get to the point where we accept who we are.  There is a quote by Kurt Cobain, “wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.”

I listen to a lot of podcasts, read books, blogs, and all of that… We can do that all day! We can repost all the inspirational quotes and memes but that just is not going to make up for that lack of self-acceptance that we may have. IF we want to grow…we have to knowIMG_E1086 where we are now and accept ourselves.

So where can we start?

First of all…YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!

You cannot improve on what you have not accepted. Know that you are not broken. Have faith in this…Live by this!

We all have things that we do not like about ourselves. We have flaws and insecurities and hiccups happen in our lives. That does not mean that something is wrong with us. Even with all of our flaws and mishaps, we are enough! We have a purpose and can continue to grow into a better person.

Wanting to improve yourself is proof that you have power. Setting goals, wanting bigger and better, being inspired to want more….all motivating but we also have to accept who we are and appreciate where we are NOW and allow that to be the foundation for where we are headed. Thinking about our brokenness, whether it be physical, spiritual, emotional, etc, is never going to help you grow into the person you really want to be.

notbroken2Again…YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!

We can look at the things in our lives that we believe are not where they should be and want to make them better. That is ok. I have learned to stop ignoring the things that I don’t like about myself. I am working on acknowledging and accepting them, maybe even love them. Many try to hide or fix whatever we feel is flawed so that no one notices. I remember how stressful that was for me! What a heavy load to carry.  And for what?!

Eventually, you are gonna have to take the makeup off, remove the shapewear, or come clean about what you have experienced in your life. We are gonna have to admit it (whatever that is) and think about how much better you are going to feel once you do. Think about the cleansing…the weight lifted! That is what happens when you stop ignoring what you don’t like about yourself. Nothing wrong with dressing up and accentuating to look your best. I am saying that you should still love the person you are underneath all of the adornment.

So at the end of the year, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to change about myself. Not a resolution, just self-evaluating and looking to improve. I have a few times in the year that I do this; another day is my birthday. I look at where I am and think about where I wanna go next. Some of the things I wrote were…I am not confident, I need to work on this belly, I am not where I wanna be in my blogging…etc…That was me, putting my cards on the table, owning my thoughts…then I threw it away! Why, because I can accept DSC_2694where I am and work toward improving what I want to. I know it sounds silly to make the list but it was therapeutic for me. I also write down what I DO like about myself so that it doesn’t feel like a negative activity. Seeing it all on paper made it more real and helped me to accept what I love and what I do not like. I love my heart toward others, that I am generous, curious, motivated and empathetic….those things matter to me just as much as what I do not care for about myself. After all, it is the good and the bad (or our perception of good and bad) that makes us who we are right?

Take some time to get real with yourself. Confirm that you are that b*tch…flaws and all!

I am not always the best mom, friend, coworker…I am shy at times, not always confident, hardly ever bold, awkward, nerdy, and I don’t always like the way I look. BUT I am also a super caring, energetic, funny, curious, empathetic, powerful and kind woman and I own it ALL.

I am that b*tch! I am she…right now! Today! I am gonna own that ish…. (two snaps in a circle- I just aged myself right?)  I am not gonna ignore my flaws or hope that no one else sees them.

notbrokenJust thinking about it makes me feel stronger and frees me from the judgment of others and myself. I’m gonna move through my days with confidence and self-assurance. This girl is gonna stop judging herself and give my back to others when they attempt to pass judgment on me (your poo stinks too -shrugs).

We are in control of our thoughts and how we judge ourselves so watch what you say!

 

Own all of who you are…the good and not so good. Improve what you can and accept what is just part of who you are. You are THAT b*tch and you are enough and not broken. You are YOU! Own that and grow into who you are capable of becoming…

 

 

 

Posted in Lifestyle

Vitamin K- The Forgotten

Vitamin K is a group of compounds. There is K1 which is found in plants. K2 is synthesized in our intestinal tract and present in animal products and fermented food.

Vitamin K has a reputation for promoting blood clotting. It also contributes to strong bones and heart, lowering cancer risks, and protects against diabetes and internal bleeding. The body needs fat to properly absorb it. Vitamin K is stored in the liver and fat cells.

Dr. Cee Vermeer, a Vitamin K researcher, believes most people have a vitamin K deficiency. We may get consume enough to maintain clotting but most of us do not get enough to protect us from other health issues. National research says that only 25% of Americans receive the average requirement of 90-120 mcg of vitamin K.

Being deficient in the vitamin can have some far-reaching effects such as varicose veins, cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis, tooth decay, pneumonia and some cancers… lung, prostate, and liver and leukemia.

Vitamin K transports calcium through the body regulating clotting and plays a major role in platelet aggregation. It also promotes blood circulation in peripheral bodies and tissue. Vitamin K is also important when it comes to brain development and works in the nervous system by enabling metabolism of fats in brain cells. It also is said to stall degenerative disorders such as Alzheimer’s by enhancing your memory.

Chronic kidney disease is linked to Vitamin K as well. Low levels appear to play into the development of accumulation of calcium in small blood vessels of skin and fat tissue, to include kidney tissue.

Vitamin K has a low toxicity potential. People with blood disorders and pregnant women need to be careful in their consumption of the vitamin in food and supplement form. If you have a history of heart disease or stroke, you should consult your doctor before changing your vitamin intake.

Vitamin K plays a major role in overall health. Foods high in Vitamin K keep the blood healthy and the bones strong.

Here are some foods rich in vitamin K….

Kale and leafy greens

Natto (Japanese food made with fermented soybeans)

Brussel sprouts

Broccoli

Cabbage

Scallions

Prunes

Fermented dairy products

Asparagus

Fresh and dried basil

Soybeans

Cucumber

Extra virgin olive oil

Our body works hard to take care of us. We should do what we can to give it what it needs to do the work efficiently. I have been mean to my body but the more I learn, the more I want to do better. I thank my God and my body every morning for working hard to keep me alive to get one step closer to being who I am meant to be. Now I have to do my part to show my appreciation…..

Posted in Lifestyle

Are You Supporting Yourself?

supportyourself1It is Tuesday!!

Tuesday is one of my favorite days! One reason is that I get to take Tuesday off from work, which honestly just means …FROM WORK! I still have 10 billion trillion other things going on so it does not mean rest.

Depending on how you look and life, the beginning of the week is either an opportunity to start something new or it is the beginning of another miserable week. Either way, I support you and I know that you will prove yourself right. For real… whether you plan to go through life hitting goals or drag ass, I support it. Why you say?

You are growing…or maybe you are stuck in the same position, for a while now. Whichever it is, you are trying. That is right, even if you are failing, you are trying and that is more than we can say about some other people in our lives. supportyourself3

If you are reading blogs, you are at least looking to grow, expand so you are trying right?

I question myself daily. I know you do! “What am I doing?” “Why am I doing it?”. Do you ask yourself the uncomfortable questions? I am always in my head because I am rarely a talker so the questions keep coming.  This is good and can be hard. I mean, who wants to go through life blind, accepting your surroundings and the things that are fed to you.

We all want more and we want better and that is always a good thing. We do not always know what “more” or “better” is and hey, we may not even know what it is going to take to get there when we figure it out but we should be proud of ourselves for even having supportyourself5the thoughts. This means that we are not content with sitting still and being comfortable. I always talk to my boys about comfort and how it can have you stuck when you are made for so much more.

We woke up today! That alone is a reason to be thankful…and more so, you got out of bed. That takes guts in this world some days. Be proud of yourself for going for it, for handling things! You are taking on the stresses of life, the doubt, and all of the unknowns. You may be going through things but guess what…you are going THROUGH! You are living with it, every day. You are a survivor! You should be proud.

I am learning to be more supportive of myself and how I am handling things. Look, I am aware that I am not where I want to be but I remember where I was and I am a long way from there. Do you remember where you were 5-10 years ago? Even if your head is filled with doubt, you have to be celebrating the fact that you are not there anymore.

Be proud of yourself and support for existence, first by realizing that there is no greatersupportyourself power than you allowing yourself to be flawed. We all make mistakes. We exercise our right to choose and we do not always make the best choice. Take inventory and move forward. Do not beat yourself up. Be confident in what you add to the people around you. Remember that confidence is about accepting the NOW you and striving to improve as you will.

Support yourself as you acknowledge your weaknesses and feed your strengths. Allow yourself to work on your weaknesses but do not give them more attention than you do your strengths. I used to do that and it was disheartening at times because I would sometimes forget what I was good at.

Even if right now you are being planted and it may be dark in your current situation, right now you are working to build something special so you may be behind the scenes. supportyourself4This is temporary because we always get back to adding to your highlight reel.

It does not matter what your current struggle is. Whether you are seeing a decline in your friendship connections, quit working out, been single for a while, or lost in your career, still continue to support you. You have not quit! You are still here and you are trying to find your way and your sense of self. That is something you should be proud of no matter where you are on your journey through this life.

 

 

Posted in Lifestyle

I promise!!

ipromiseI’m on vacation right now and in my down times, I’m reflecting on Cher. I always use my vacation for this and last time I didn’t make one promise to myself so I went home and jump right back into the rat race that I created.

Life is so wildly unpredictable. We create businesses and see failure. We work hard to be our best and there will always be someone who feels you’re not good enough. You can even support someone you love only to have them disappear on you when you need them.

Good ol’ life… unpredictable and sometimes, so unfair!

Life is what it is…we cannot control it. People are people and you know we can’t control them and we should not put any energy toward trying to.

What we CAN control is the person we are inside. Our character, the kindness we give, Promiseand the promises we make to ourselves…we can control all of that. The promises we make to ourselves center us, they give us confidence and a destination.

My life gets crazy at times but one thing I try to do is keep my promises to myself. They make and keep me strong. Every promise I keep to myself gives me confidence and it feels amazing to see what happens with a promise kept.

As I sit here looking at all of this beautiful water and how perfect God formed the things in nature, I’m gonna make new promises to myself.

Let’s see…

IMG_E5328I promise not to complain. Some of these places I’m visiting have people with little means and they are so happy. I have no right to complain with all of the blessings I have seen in my life.

I promise myself to believe in miracles, always! I promise to show kindness and compassion to others.

I promise to forgive myself and others…daily. Life is just too short.

I promise to respect myself and walk away from things/people that don’t serve me.

I promise to be all in!! In all that I do. I need to work on removing distractions for this one. But I can keep it.

I believe I can keep these promises even when life gets crazy, when others don’t support or love me or what I do, and when life is just doing its thing.

I will continue to hold my head up and only look down when I’m admiring cute shoes. I may not be who and what I want to be right now. I may not have what I want right now….but no matter what, I have those promises to myself and regardless of what I see in any moment, that will keep me strong and feeling amazing.

Do you have promises that you have made to yourself?

Our promises empower us! When we keep those promises, we see who we really are. That is our character…shows our values…and defines us, not the things that happen to us. The promises we make to ourselves free us up to live and see the truth of who we really are.

Go ahead and make some promises to yourself today!!!ipormise2

Those promises say who you are and what you represent and will be your guiding light. Say them to yourself and go all in!!!

Promises you make personal will make you live with higher expectations for yourself. They will give you energy and vision. They will bring clarity to your heart.

Make promises to you. Get ready to live with new vigor and enthusiasm for your life.

Enjoy!!