Posted in Inspiration

Happy, Not Happy

happynothappy2Sometimes life throws us curve balls. And sometimes those curve balls put us in dark and lonely places. Maybe you received some bad news, a loved one is lost, you are in pain, a break up, or you are just having a bad day at work. Anything can happen! None of these things are favorable, true, and no one would be thinking about being happy in the middle of such terrible situations. When we experience these things we ask questions like… Why God? Will things ever get better? Why me?

When we are going through,  we may be able to fix these situations….other times, we cannot do anything about them. This does not necessarily mean that we can’t find happiness and look for that silver lining in the middle of our pain. Happiness is always possible. It is a choice and no person, material item, or experience should have the power to control your happiness.

It is definitely possible to be happy while going through. We just have to learn a new coping skill or two….or three… four (shrugs)…

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  • First of all, I believe we need to see our pain as a sign that we are alive! We have to acknowledge it, feel it…see it, for real. We cannot allow ourselves to go numb or try to avoid the feeling. It does hurt, life does…but we can push through. Being alive means that we will feel love, fear, excitement, joy….even pain. Life is going to give us all of the ups and downs that come with living. Life can be an incredible journey if you really stop to think about it.
  • Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Most people want to get away from pain once it starts. They ignore it, use things and people to comfort them from the pain, lash out, and other ways to distract themselves. Its human! But once we escape the pain, we realize that it was temporary. Life has a way of allowing those things to revisit us to perfect our character. All it does is prolong the issue and a lot of times make the pain worse. Allow yourself to feel the pain and tell yourself that your feelings are valid. Pause and go ahead and feel the intensity of it. Then realize that it didn’t kill you and and this is where the healing and growth begins.happynothappy4
  • Gratitude….I have a gratitude journal that I keep in my purse because my days can be crazy and the beautiful things may slip through the cracks. The smell of fresh flowers, the smile on his face, the sound of laughter, or touch of silk sheets, your breath….these are some of the things you can find gratitude for….even this moment. Find three things that made your heart smile and write them down, no matter how small. We have to learn to be immersed in the moment, be fully alive and aware of the experiences we are having. We have so much to be grateful for, the big and the small. We take things for granted like our very eyesight and the touch of a loved one, or even just having a relationship with them.
  • Realize that you are alive! You are…feel your pulse. When we are in our worst moments we can take a deep breath and realize that we are alive enough to have had that experience, heard that news, or said goodbye to that person. We can find joy in knowing that at the very least, we are alive to go THROUGH what we are going through.

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This is hard, trust me I know. I have had a lot of negative experiences, great and small. There is no magic to this but we can make an effort to try to feel some happiness by remembering the good moments and smiling through while we heal.

Bad things happen, that is our reality. No one’s life is perfect and we are all allowed to be unhappy at times. Although most of these things are out of our control, if we have the right perspective, we will find a little happiness in the not-so-happy times.

Posted in Inspiration

Strong Enough

strongenough5No more barefoot and pregnant for us!! Everyday we (women) continue to lift the glass ceiling; we are making waves in every industry across the board these days and the world is taking notice. We no longer have to depend on our men to take care of us( although we will not deny him the right to do so). We are strong and have the ability to go after what we want with or without a man by our side. There are strong and independent women taking the world by storm everyday and there does not seem to be any stopping this wave.

A man that wants to date or marry a strong woman needs to understand what he is asking for. She is like no other and can seem intimidating at first but if he gets over that, he can learn her and figure out how to win her over. She is still a woman, soft and sensual, but her strength can be even sexier. Wanna keep up with her? Here are a few things you should know about us…..yes I said us because I am indeed a strong woman!

  • Strong women want a man that is just as strong as she is. You have to be drivenstrongenough1 to accomplish things, have some dreams and the drive to work toward your goals. It is very hard for a strong woman to settle for a mediocre man, although some have slipped through the cracks. You live and you learn though right?
  • Strong women want a man who can trust her. Trust is important in any relationship, especially with a strong woman. He cannot be insecure or controlling! He has to trust her to make the right decisions and allow her the space she needs to act on her own…support her. Do not try to control what she does and says.
  • He has to have a sense of humor. Strong women tend to be a little more serious than others. She is so focused on her goals and can get stressed pushing toward them. She needs a man that will bring some laughter and light to her life. Having a sense of humor is a big bonus for a strong woman. Strong women tend to cry behind closed doors so she needs this attribute in her man.
  • Can you respect her freedom? A strong woman values her freedom. Her individuality is important to her and she needs the space to pursue her dreams and be her authentic self. Her man has to understand that about her. Respect her boundaries or she will be waving goodbye to you!
  • strongenoughA strong woman loves to be challenged. He has to be able to challenge her in all areas of her life. Men that are complacent and looking to just chill through life are a “no no” for her. She is going to push her man to be his best so she is expecting the same from her love. She wants a partner that is going to inspire her to always shoot for the stars.
  • Can you take care of yourself? A strong women is not going to be with a man that is looking for a comfortable life. It is hard for her to respect a man who is not capable of taking care of himself. Period.
  • Be her cheerleader! You have to push her toward her dreams. Remind her of her “why” when she wants to give up. DO NOT be a stumbling block or hurdle while you walk with her on her way to greatness.

The presence of a strong woman can be intimidated to a lot of men. Some just do not know how to deal with an alpha woman in a relationship. A lot of men are receptive to submissive women who will bend at their will. Times have certainly changed and we are starting to call the shots now. Only the strong and confident, open-minded man can handle the woman boss.

strongenough3If a man chooses to be with a  strong woman, he better strap in tight because the ride is  going to be a bumpy and beautiful one, but worth every bump.  If you have what it takes to be with a strong woman, she will see that and she knows how to step back and let you lead. Submission is not a problem. Submission to anyone other than a leader is not going to happen.

 

Posted in Inspiration

Curiosity Doesn’t Always Kill The Cat

curiosity6I am curious about a lot of things. I want to learn as much as I possibly can before I leave this earth. I want to explore as many places and gain as much knowledge as I can. To me, that is the difference between living and just existing. We can make plans to do whatever we dream and that’s great. But our random curiosity can take lead us to experience the most exciting things of our lives.

As a child, we heard many of the adults in our lives ask us what we wanted to be when we grow up. We went into deep thought sometimes to give them the “right” answer. Seems like they wanted us to pick one dream and spend our lives trying to make that dream happen. As we grow up, most of us attempt to focus on that same dream and create plans to help us achieve that dream. To be honest with you all, I had a few Curiosity1dreams and many many plans. Some of them I am proud to say I have achieved, the others, I tossed them away and lit the paper on fire! Planning can be cool. Preparing for things that we want in our lives is a sign of maturity, but what happens when along the way to pursuing those dreams, you become curious about something else? When I am curious, I throw on my Sherlock Holmes gear and I start researching and chasing!

No one really asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up until high school. Regardless of that, I always knew. I wanted to be an accountant and work for the firm that handled the New York Lottery. I knew it from the time I hit high school and I was on that path until I got curious. My love for fashion and hair took me down another path. Although I still pursued my degree, and I have two of them, my love for the beauty transformation has prevailed. And that’s OK. I am probably not making the money that I would have made as an accountant in a firm, but I am fulfilled and happy. I love what I do and the people I meet doing it. My clients are like family and that has made my life so much more colorful and beautiful. I love the daily challenges and the smiles on my client’s faces as we make their visions come alive and they get to feel better about themselves. I can say that I am part of that and it does make me happy, make me love my career choice even more. Not everyday is like that, but the good definitely outweighs the bad.

I know for sure that most of the things that I have experienced in my life were not curiosity5planned; they were the results of my curiosity. My life has always been crazy and I thought I had it all mapped out. Then I let go. So many ups and downs, twists and turns, all of them making me who I am today. All of them I am grateful for. We all change over time (most of us). Our wants and interests definitely do. As I learn more and more about myself (I am finally taking the time to get to know me now that my children are older—silly me), the more I see that wanting to be someone is not as important as knowing who I am right now, loving who I am right now! I still have dreams that I have not accomplished and I have not given up on some of those as of yet. I don’t beat myself up about them. If I gave the goal up or just failed at accomplishing it, I make sure it happened that way for the right reason. Maybe it no longer lined up with who I am or my current desires or it is no longer one of my passions. It is not failing if it no longer suits who I am..and its not necessarily quitting. It is more of a strategic move and it will be a part of my growth.

Take risks! When you leave your comfort zone, you run the risk of failing, yes, but you also run the risk of succeeding. I feel brave when I do things outside of my comfort zone. I feel empowered. I have met some of the greatest people and had my greatest experiences when I left my comfort zone to live on “the wild side”. I am grateful for all of the results, good and bad.

So what if you do not have the educational background! Experience is a good teacher. Using your creativity to peer into your curiosity is LIVING…more than just existing. You discover your talents and you find out who you are and what you are really made of. Everything that you have accomplished and/or overcome has made you who you are today. Every job you held, every person you encountered, every accomplishment and failure has helped you to grow in some way into the beautiful person that you are right now. What will the experiences of tomorrow teach you?

People are important too! Those people who have helped to raise you, shared ideas and dreams with you…they are important. From the lifetime relationships to the super brief encounters, we learn from people and they learn something from us. Some of those people will remain under the label of coworker, classmate,  colleague, or passer-by. Others will graduate to the more prestigious label of friend. curiosity4

Many times I was curious about something and fear kept me from moving toward the experience. Not anymore. Every time I am curious about a person or experience and I believe that it/they will enhance my life and benefit my spirit, I pursue adding them to my life. If nothing else, I will learn something new about myself…once again. I am in control of  how the people and experiences will impact my life. I have to trust my decisions and always make moves that show how much I love and care for myself, including knowing when to quit. Trust your gut!!!

Your journey and the experiences that you are having are all part of your story. You can continue to revise your story whenever you please. You create your reality. We love certainty in our lives but a lot of us like the mystery of uncertainty. There is beauty in the uncertainty too. Everything that we experience, every person that we encounter, is there for a reason. It is all supposed to happen, whether we planned it or not. Be curious! Just don’t stop there. Live a little. curiosity3

Posted in Inspiration

She Will Rock Your World.. (if you let her)

keepit1003So this is the month of love! I love love! Everyone gets excited shopping for their loved ones, looking for the perfect gift that screams I love you. People are making reservations for dinner; others are waiting for 2-3 hours for a 45 minute dinner because the restaurant wants to serve as many people as they can. I love love…I am not a fan of Valentine’s Day though. I don’t want to get drenched with love all on one day and then starve all of the other days. Sprinkle me daily… lol because that is what’s hot

All women have their own strengths and weaknesses when we talk about relationships. They are millions of us with our own unique personalities. We all bring our own fresh, sexy, and unique lives and love to the table when it comes to relationship and romance. I don’t mean to be biased but, although there are many types of women, the spiritual woman is the most intriguing, sexy, and enchanting. There are many reasons why I believe I and many other spiritual women are amazing but I will quickly share just a few. keepit1002

  1. She has LOTS of Faith! A woman that is always hopeful and maintains a positive mindset can make a man feel like a superhero! She speaks with the future in mind and knows that the future is for the dreamer and that she is. That does not mean that sad/bad things do not happen in her life, its just that when they do, they do not scare or intimidate her. She cries about it but, she gets up, pulls up her big girl panties and focuses on the resolutions and not the problem. No complaining, no putting anyone down or blaming…just love and positive vibes. And you better believe that she is doing it with a smile on her face. The world will not know that it fazed her one minute.
  2. She is not afraid of the future. What is going to happen tomorrow? She is not letting that get her down or make her worry. She is not going to let whatever the world throws at her keep her down. She is the sexiest when she stands right back up and is ready to fight for her peace. The spiritual woman spends time every day getting herself ready for challenges and she believes in herself and her preparation. She knows she has the capability to overcome all of the trials and challenges that come her way…is that all you got?!!
  3. She never stops learning and growing. This lady knows that life is about not just growing physically but, emotionally, mentally, and of course, spiritually. Self-improvement is part of her make up. It is not that she is critical of herself, she is just not content with where she is…she wants more! She knows that she can be better and she is pursuing it…She is always looking for ways to be a better human. She is never going to be looked at as basic. Period!
  4. “Everything happens for a reason” is something that she truly believes. Fate….Destiny….YES!!! Spiritual women are thinkers. They are cerebral people who are constantly reflecting…on themselves, life and of course, love. She believes that there is more going on in a situation than you can see. There is a deeper meaning and she is going to find it. This is a woman that a strong man needs and wants because being smart and intellectual is a gift for him who loves deep conversation  and friendship beyond the surface. I am a thinker and nowhere near shallow, I believe I would drive someone insane if they ever spent a day inside of my head. Nevertheless, there is something beautiful about a woman who constantly challenges herself to think, to grow through gaining more knowledge and question what she sees to gain understanding.
  5. She keeps it 100! A real spiritual full grown woman is not going to be fake. That isKeepit100 way too much effort being invested in the wrong thing. You can rest assured that you are getting the real her…the true, genuine human that she is, no filters…(I wanted to say that in here somewhere…got it!) Anyway, this woman is not going to even feel compelled to act any way but her true self around you and you will have to decide to love her or leave her alone, that’s it. She is not the one to puff up your ego, so if you have low self-esteem, it’s going to be work to be in that relationship. The spiritual woman is going to “keep it real” and you can count on that …even if it causes some discomfort or inconvenience. Sorry!
  6. She loves life and the people in hers. She carries positive energy everywhere she goes. She just simply loves life! She understands that it is a gift. Everyone that encounters a truly spiritual woman sees how infectious her energy is and they leave her presence a little better than before encountering her. It does not matter what she goes through, she can find that silver lining, encourage herself and find a reason to be happy and hopeful for the future. A woman like this is inspiring and people, in general, love to be around positive women like this who never let negativity get her down.

keepit1001So, if you want to be a woman like that, start small, but get it together. You are going to be honest with yourself and others and give a fresh and, more than likely, positive perspective when it comes to love and life. You will be a blessing to your mate and a whole lot happier in general. When you are spiritually connected, you love people on a whole other level. Something you may not be able to explain yourself. Be that woman that is not caught up in the trivial things of the world or materialism. Work to create memories, not just have things! That is what I am working on for the year and it has been so amazing so far. The people I have been meeting, the laughter I have shared, the closeness that I am experiencing…beautiful. Be the woman that is looking to positively impact your world and the people in it. Have compassion ..even for the animals and nature. If it has life and purpose, care about it! Not saying to go crazy but appreciate what God has put you in charge of. Be Christ in the Earth and LOVE the hell out of it……

Happy Love Day!

keepit1004

 

Posted in Inspiration

Good Friends Show Up

showingupFriends are an important part of all of our lives. We all need friends, but we need to be selective about who we allow to get in that inner circle. As I have grown older , it honestly has been harder for me to make friends and keep them as my life gets busier. I mean between homeschooling my son, working in the salon business, planning events and travel, and deliberately scheduling some self-care, not to mention taking care of home (children, bills, cleaning, cooking, etc) I am pooped! With all of this going on, a friend’s support is of the utmost importance. Sometimes the best friends are not always the ones that we have known the longest, the ones we party with the hardest….sometimes the best friends are the ones that decide to show up. For real!! For me, this is the most important quality a friend can have. I don’t just want that kind of friend in my life, I also try to be the kind of friend as well.

Showing up…..for the weddings, the birthdays and baby showers, the plays, the graduations, the hospital stays, the disappointments. I have always tried to be there even when I have a list of things that I need to get done because what is important to the ones I love has to be important to me. That is friendship. So I will do all that I can to show up.

helpinghands1I know that I have days when the weight of my world is enough to deal with and I do not know where I get the energy to get as much done as I do. Don’t ask me because I do not know…Thank you  Lord!! I manage to summon up the energy from somewhere and things get done…and some things do not. For me that is OK. Even in my busyness, I attempt to show up..those moments matter the most to people who love you. Showing up is what solidifies the friendship and they are going to make better attempts to show up for you when you need them. Just so you know, eventually it will be your turn to need someone to show up for you so remember that when you are turning down invites.

I have often been surprised by who shows up for me and who doesn’t. You can show up for someone time and time again and then when you need them, they let you down. On the other hand, there are people that I have blown off many times and they are the first ones to show up for me. So what I am doing is learning to weed out the ones who keep letting me down over and over again and hang on to the ones that keep showing up. Putting these relationships in the proper perspective helps to keep the possibility of being let down from happening. I want to be around people who enjoy my company as showingup1I enjoy theirs. I am an introvert so I really do guard my time. Part of the change I want to make for this year is to say no to things that do not matter so that they do not deplete the energy I need for the stuff I want to say yes to. Quality over quantity is what it is about for me. It has made for a quiet year so far but that is OK. I have a brand new planner and I am going to fill it up with things that I have always wanted to do and people that I want to do it with. Sometimes we have to reduce “friends” down to a manageable amount for us so that we can have the time and energy to give to maintaining the quality friendships. Be honest with yourself too. If there are friends that you have resentment for, you need to ditch them! Seriously! Resentment is a deal-breaker in any relationship because it can make life harder. Serve good to yourself and rid yourself of the drama.

showingup2Communication is important in any relationship. Without it, things are not going to work out. When we think about our friends, of course we hope that they are showing up to the weddings, milestone birthdays, or a loved one’s funeral. We have other things that happen in our lives that may not seem as important to them that can be overlooked and  cause friendships to be strained. In these instances, we should tell our friends when something is really important to us and if they still do not show up, over and over again, just move on. Life is really too short to keep people in your life just because they have already been there so long. Show up for those you love and the ones that show up for you.

Posted in Inspiration

New Year…Same fabulous me!

newyearsameme2Yes it is a new year and we are all looking to be greater. Lose lots of weight, read more, get financially fit, travel more, open a business, write a book, or erase all of the negativity in our lives. New year, new me is all I keep hearing. I used to say that but then I thought about it. Why do I want to be a “new” me? I love me…just want to better. I am absolutely fabulous!! Not perfect by any means and I definitely need improving but I don’t want to be a new me. I am working to build onto the old me. Working to be a little more fabulous. Not each year, but as I think of new ways throughout the year, I will continue to build.

Building on to the old me is about getting up in the morning and making the decision to live my life and follow my dreams with no apologies. Whatever it is that you want to do to make your life a little better today, do it. Whether it is making music or singing, an art masterpiece, creating a budget that works, or starting your own business…let’s go! Get to work. That work is whatever needs to be done to get closer to your dream. I know that I feel so accomplished when I can look at my day and see that I am one step closer to

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Same beautiful me…Only better!

seeing what I have been dreaming about. It is a Blessing to be able to just see another day but…what are you going to do with it? Accomplish something everyday! EVERYDAY! That is what matters because that is the proof that we are moving forward.

Do something…make something! Stop just telling everyone about it. Don’t be satisfied with just having a dream.

We are all dreamers and really if you don’t have a dream, you are just existing. Just breathing and that is not cool, in my opinion anyway. Letting life just blow you where it may is scary. I mean, the wind is unpredictable and it can be cold, why would you trust it more with your life than you trust yourself(and God for that matter)? Making those dreams a reality or at least trying to see if they can be is living! We have to work our a***s off to get those dreams out of heads and it truly will be worth it. I am working pretty hard to research and get my blog out in front of others and my other business as well. It is cool to do something to work toward our goals but we also have to BE the someone who does something.

newyearsameme1Every single day, we need to do something. It is cool to have a day off of work and decide to do nothing all day every once in a while but who can really do absolutely nothing all…day. Nothing?

Don’t just write your book, be the author of that book. Don’t just start a company, be the founder. Put more that just your foot in it. Life is really all about what we do every day. You can think about what you want to do, but if you never DO, you will never feel like you have accomplished anything. Work does not always feel good, especially while you are doing it. The work is important though, it matters. We cannot only work to be somebody; we have to focus on doing the work. I want to be special. But I want to do special things, accomplish bigger things more that I want to be special. I don’t know about you.

I listen to a lot of people talk in my profession and the same conversation is happening every visit with a lot of them. Talking about what they want to do, who they want to be. If every month I see you, the conversation is no closer to the dream, what is the point in talking? I cannot take you seriously if everything is a conversation…you have to do something! Sheesh! Eventually all of the lip service you are giving people will get old and we are going to want to see some proof. That includes yourself telling others (and you) IMG_0720about what/who you want to be. Seeing the work you have done is what makes others take notice. If you want respect, you have to do what it takes to earn it. I haven’t seen any ads in the Sunday paper (I am a young couponer) with anyone giving respect away and you cannot buy it.  We have to earn it. Work on the things that matter and put you closer to what you talk about doing/being. Everyday you put a little more effort to do the things that matter, you will earn the respect that you feel you deserve.

Set real goals for yourself, short term and long term. Do what you love instead of worrying about who you are trying to be and what people are going to think about it. DO SOMETHING! I am determined to get out there and make many things happen. I am going to do things that I enjoy and things that get me closer to my dream and every once in a while this will be the same thing. I believe that if I am focused on doing something more than being something, I will see more of what I dream actually happen. That is the path that I am choosing for my 2018. What are you up to?

Posted in Inspiration

Let it Go, Let it Goooooo

letitgo3As this year comes to a close and I sit here thinking about the ups and downs of it, I see how much I have learned and I am extremely thankful for it all. 2017 has brought about many changes and I have been transforming into the amazing woman that I am working toward (yes, I said it just like that!). When you look at back at January 2017 and who you are this moment, are you excited about the change? I know that I am. I have to admit that this year was a very challenging one for me. I may have experienced more ups than downs… but honestly, I am not sure. I just know that I have definitely made some huge strides toward a better me and more beautiful experiences. YAY ME!!!!

It is always up to us to create space in our lives for positive experiences and positive attitudes even when we experience things that are not so positive. A new year is upon us. A new chapter, new sheet of music, however you look at it, we have another opportunity to use what we have learned to be better and surround ourselves with better…people, things, and experiences.

Some things I have learned in 2017…letitgo2

  • To pause and breath when dealing with difficult people and choose how I want to respond to them, without apology.
  • My body needs healthier foods…I found myself eating whatever way too many days and my health was affected. I made things better but I do not care for health scares at all! I am definitely going to exercise more consistently to help as well.
  • I need to avoid “friends” and acquaintances that take advantage of me. Adding to that the ones that are disrespectful and disappear at their leisure.
  • I need to put more time into the relationships that are an even amount of give and take of respect, kindness, care, and support.
  • I refuse to be pessimistic, complaining, critical, or self-sabotaging. Nor will I live with regret.

Now these are not new year resolutions or anything. I learned a lot and these lessons are going to help me go into the new year with less baggage, but I have started that process already. My past, our past is not going to define us. We have to see what happened as lessons. We have to release the negative and take with us what we need to continue on our journey to our best self.

IMG_0720Now, I will share my biggest lesson of 2017. I believe we are all good at thinking that we know how to respond to others. We are all willing, at this time of year, to reflect on the things that we want to change in the new year; all of the things and people we want to let go of as well. Something that I battle hard with is letting go of negative self disapproval, judgement and criticism, anyone else? I am truly my worse critic and none of the people that gossip about me can beat me in that arena! I mean, I forgive people at the drop of a hat knowing that they are going to “rinse and repeat” because they know my forgiveness comes so easy. I can forgive them…why not myself just as easily? I am not being an ass when I say that no one deserves my patience, kindness, forgiveness, and belief in my ability more than I do, no one! I am sorry, but you don’t!

I know that whatever I have done in this life, I have done the best that I could at the time and learned what I needed to learn. Now that I know better, I am doing better. That is what life is about right? Growth. Change is inevitable, growth is optional. Growth is sexy! There, I said it (heeheehee). Let us embrace our lessons and bring them with us as we grow…sexier!

Release……..Let it go!!! (I can’t even say that without singing that song! OMG)

Clean it all out. All of the clutter that blocks who we are, who we want to be. No more baggage, bad feelings toward yourself or others, self-doubt, and just the general drama that we allow to ruin our days…let it go!

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Most people use this time because it marks an obvious clean slate, a fresh year, to make changes but we can do it whenever we want to, remember that! We can have a time of cleansing and clearing whenever things get overbearing or we feel like we are stuck, going through the motions.

 

 

Let’s leave the past in the past. Don’t keep thinking about it or reminding others about the past. Good riddance!! Your future is waiting for you with endless opportunities for growth and happiness, if you choose. I am choosing!! That is for sure. Clear the junk! If it does not serve you, you do not need it. That has been a huge lesson for me this year. The more I let go, the more beautiful things are.

Who do you want to become this year?

Cheers to you and your clean slate! Happy New Year!Letitgo