So Much More Than You Think

selfworthI don’t know why, but self-worth is a confusing thing to many.

Emotions move from one extreme to the other. One minute you just know you are the *ish and the next you feel worthless. Emotions can make us crazy! We have all had moments of low self-worth which is honestly ludicrous to me because we are all so freakin’ awesome…seriously.

Now, when I get in my mood and recognize my *ish, I try my best but I sometimes still get the urge to feel less than fabulous…small. When I get this way, I do a lot of things to get out of my funk, first things first though…my thinking. I used to look for my self worth in other people and things, pretty much many things outside of myself. I mean in a far off distant land somewhere…waaay over there…there I was looking for my value. selfworth3

I looked for it in people. When we think we are not enough, we look for people to tell us who we are. We look for them to give us value and hand us our self-worth. The problem is these people are usually unavailable and uninterested in having this job.

We also try to find our self worth in the successes. Since we are in a place of feeling like we are not good enough, we get to a place where we are desperate to prove that we are the bomb and we work ourselves half to death and look for our values in the abilities and the things that we can purchase to make us seem valuable.

Some people try to fake their way through to their self-worth. We are who we are. You can fake all day, but just like when you try to paint over a wall with no primer, the true colors are gonna come bleeding through. Do not overcompensate by faking your character or emotions.

selfworth2There are people who will chase that dollar down so that they can get all of the things that “Joe” has and prove that they should be valued. They are out there flexin’ in that brand new car and living beyond their means but eating Oodles of Noodles at home alone.

We have to stop searching for our self worth in external things. It is a human or natural tendency so we have to work on that one. Please do not beat yourself up about it. Recognize it and work on it.

What we have to realize is we can change this habit, any habit really that we do not want. If you have aligned your self-worth up with things, you will never have enough or be enough. That money, success, and that person will never be enough. And another thing, you will never be that person on social media that is more confident, funny, or successful than you…it is impossible.

So what can we do?

First of all, you have to realize that you matter! Everything about you is important. Whatselfworth1 you say and do matters. You have the ability to make an impact with just your presence before you say or do anything at all.

AND, realize that you are just not going to be perfect. And guess what? You do not need to be. I believe that as long as we commit to being better, doing something to improve as a human, it is all good. We should accept who we are, as imperfect as we are, and be better, because YOU want to, not because someone has a problem with you being you.

IMG_0874Knowing these things and putting them to practice has really helped to center me. What you see when you see me, is someone who is the product of all of my experiences thus far. All of my experiences, upbringing, and personality quirks all wrapped up in one hot mama! The more experience that I gain, the more value is added to me. The more unique I also become.

I have value because of what I have experienced…so do you!! Stop underestimating your value…and definitely, do not let anyone else do it.

SO we need to show ourselves that we like what has been created in us…LOVE it, actually. We can do that by being and living as our authentic selves. SO just like you “like” and “love” someone else’s post on Facebook, do the same for yourself…give yourself a high five because you like what you did and who you are becoming….

Let’s get it!

I’ve Got Good Intentions

intention1I remember a time in my life when I was just existing. I had no real intentions at all, I was just going with the flow. At this time in my life, I am growing and living my life with intention….how about you?

Some intention? Maybe just a little?

We have to have some intention, even if it’s just a little! I am not saying that you have to have the rest of your life planned out, vision boards and a 5-year plan…every single moment, just an intention. I am guilty of having a vision board and a mission statement. I have them because when I get too busy doing nothing or begin to wonder why I am doing what I am doing at all, I can look back and see that I once had “these” intentions and I need to get back to my mission.

I talk to a lot of people daily and a lot of them are just existing, they have no intentions intention3right now. Existing…floating…blowing with the wind, excepting that “it is what it is”. We need to have some kind of intention, any kind. Whatever intention that will give definition to what you are about right now…and we know that intention will change at some point…but right now, its your intention…own it and do something!

Don’t be a “I wonder what I should do for my birthday” kind of person. Be more like, ” Alright, I am calling up the girls and we are going out to celebrate” kind of person.

Be the one who states what their intentions are and gets out there and lives it…out loud!

Make an intention, a selfish one. One that is all about you and what you know is best for you at this time in your life. We have to stop living with ambiguity when it comes to what we want in our lives right now.

Say what you want! and say it with your CHEST!!

intention2Are you not interesting in dating right now? Say it!

Are you focused on your passion right now? Or finding a genuine connection? Say it!

Are you more focused on traveling? Making new friends? Making positive changes in your life? Say it!

And after you tell yourself those things, whatever they are, live it..live with those intentions. Sometimes we have to tell ourselves those things out loud so that we can hear them. I am an over-thinker so if I don’t say some things out loud they just get lost in the shuffle of the many things I tell myself…… (oooook they may have been too much but, anyway…)

You know what happens when we speak things out loud? We are more responsible for them, accountable to them and the universe hears you loud and clear! The Universe and God hear you loud and clear… and reacts to the words you speak…SO watch what you say! Mean what you say!

Right now I am back to wanting to be healthier on the inside so I am declaring out loudintention that I want to make better choices with the foods I eat, what I watch and the people that I communicate with. My insides just need a whole makeover…but I am not just thinking it…I am saying it out loud. NOW, I am holding myself accountable and so is the Universe. I now have more awareness of what I am putting in my body, soul and mind because I repeat it to myself; it is no longer just a thought in my head.

I believe that part of living this life is doing it with some intention. We should have a life where we have intention- that is personal, selfish, and just for YOU…and then go out there and live it. If you don’t, you’re just talking, lost in the wind, taking whatever is given to you.

Go out there and live your life on purpose, with intention. If you think that it is cuffing season, go on out there and cuff away! If you are passionate about music, fitness, traveling, reading, swimming, or art,  get out there and find a space to enjoy it!

IMG_5122Say what your intentions are and do your thing. It will bring so much clarity to the way you do things and you will have a “why” to go along with that. Once it comes out of your mouth, you will have things and people put in front of you that support what you’ve said. Again, watch what you say because that is the good and the bad, believe me!

It seems like a small thing, but making my intentions known out loud has changed how I do things, whether someone was there to hear me or not.

So say it! Then go do it…

 

 

 

Why Have Boundaries?

boundaries1No matter how much I have accomplished in this life, I know that I am capable of achieving so much more. I am capable of finding what it is that I am looking for…even if I am not quite sure what exactly that looks like right now. I am definitely capable of being happier than I am now, capable of having the right people around me that add value to me. I am learning myself and understand me more thoroughly and I am capable of being the best version of myself, the one that hides nothing, whose confidence glows and she who exudes beauty, empathy, and purpose. That is my mission…what I am adopting as my philosophy. I wake up like this…with this on my brain.

Now this took a lot of work, and I am honestly not fully living this way, but I am working on it, intentionally. It took me what seemed like forever to realize that if I really wanted this I would have to honor and respect myself in a way that reflects this. I mean, if I really wanted to grow in this way, learn about myself, and create the ideal version ofboundaries2 myself, I have to behave in a way that allows me to do so. I had to get to a point where I would be free of expectations, the pressure of commitments that make no sense and negative people.

This is why I needed some boundaries REALLY bad! Setting personal boundaries is so huge for someone that is looking to become who they are truly capable of being. Without boundaries, there was so much drama…

 

 

  • I was a horrible people pleaser. It was so hard for me to tell people “no” and I suffered and complained but still said yes.
  • I took on everyone’s needs, wants and desires as my own and before my own.
  • It was hard for me to let go of dead relationships or relationships that did not add to me
  • I let people stay in my inner circle too long, family and friends, that drained my energy and all of my good vibes.
  • I let other people’s needs outweigh mine. I mean where I barely acknowledged my own needs at all.

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I spent many years like this and as a result, I had lost my sense of self and the relationships, especially the one with myself, suffered anyway. Because I was letting all of that occupy space in my life, it took on a life of its own.

Boundaries!!!

Setting boundaries reminds you to say no to bad habits and things that are not serving good to you…mind, body, or soul. This is not just from others, but from yourself; you do not want to be influenced to do anything or be anyone outside of who you want to be or what you want to do. “No” is not a negative word….not at all! boundaries

Saying no, to someone, something, or yourself, just shows that you are being authentic and clear about what you want in your life. You are loving yourself! Doing something just for you…something you don’t have to feel guilty about or apologize for. You should never feel guilty for wanting to better yourself. We should NEVER feel shame when we are living and speaking our truth.

When we say no for our own personal reasons, there is so much power in that…the biggest thing is your truth. And you don’t need an excuse to live it. No explanation needed! That is a boundary…that is your truth. You are putting out into the world what controlyourself2your truth is…and how you want to live it.

At the end of the day, you are human and you have a vision for who you wanna be and how you want to live this life. There are things that you are not going to stand for, nothing less than what feeds your personal best.

A boundary is you having the courage to love on yourself, even at the risk of disappointing someone else. The sooner we see that the sooner we can get on with truly being happy…having joy.

Easy Peasy…just like that. Say no….stop putting up with things, people and thoughts that do not serve you. You know what is not healthy for you; what is not going to help you get to where you wanna be…yeah that….boundaries!

boundaries4I started small and just showing that little power has affected me in some big ways. Boundaries are powerful and you will grow more consistent and aggressive with them.

Things have gotten so much easier with boundaries. Once you put up one small boundary, you will see the effect it has on your life as a whole. It will give you room to add the things that will bring nothing but goodness in and push you toward being your best you…

 

 

 

4 Reasons You Should Be Picky

picky1We cannot be afraid to say no! I have learned over the years to be choosy about saying yes. You have to trust yourself. I am not saying that you have to turn down every new opportunity that comes your way. Know your comfort zone and know the difference between stepping out of it and feeding bad habits.

 

Why should you be picky?

  1. You get what you give. Think about it. If you hate your job, you won’t be productive, have a good relationship with your co-workers, you won’t care if you are on time, and you won’t be fighting for a promotion anytime soon. If you are going into something doing half-ass work, you are going to get half-ass results. If picky3you don’t want that for yourself, make the change…trust yourself! Quit…break up…or whateva! I know it sounds easy, but being picky will be to your benefit in the long run. It is not enough to want what you believe you deserve, you have to position yourself for it.
  2. You know what makes you happy. If you don’t, you better get alone with you and find out! What you DO know is what won’t make you happy so you can’t start there. If you want a banking career, it is probably not the best idea to accept a job being a teacher. Being picky about the jobs youpicky4 accept or the company you keep will impact your happiness. Think about how much time and energy those facets of your life use.
  3. You will not be satisfied with being comfortable for long.  Sometimes it is hard to determine whether you are just comfortable doing something or if it truly satisfies you. A lot of times in relationships, people settle for someone they believe has the same interests, but the person is comfortable with who they are and they do not push them to grow as a person. Those kinds of people may be good people, but not necessarily good for you if you want to grow. Just saying….don’t date down. In the end, it won’t be worth it. There is someone out there that can help make you apicky5 better person, they just aren’t easy to find. If we are talking about employment, a good salary with a few perks, but they don’t challenge you or have room for growth may work for you for a moment, but you will lose your fire and zest for climbing the latter. Stay hungry for what you want…then go get it when it reveals itself.
  4. Environment is everything! Your environment does shape you. These are your friends, family…..your people, are the ones that have a huge impact on your life. You have to hang with people that are going in the direction that you are headed. I heard it said somewhere that if you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room! If that isn’t the truth!! We don’t have to completely cut ties with people that don’t have that going on but we do have to be mindful of how much time we put into those relationships…especially if it feels like they are impeding your growth. Keep your standards high…

picky2It is never too late to start planting seeds for the future you want. We all have the power to alter what we experience in this life. That is an amazing thing!! Like I said, we are not shutting every new opportunity down, but we should be mindful and picky about what we let enter our world. Know your comfort zone and avoid feeding bad habits. Getting to know you and know what choices will keep you on track for the future you want. Trust yourself and move forward.

I Want MORE!

iwantmore1We have all heard the saying, “less is more”, right? When it is said, the person is most likely referring to getting rid of things in life. Decreasing items, activities, people or just doing less. Maybe throwing away clothes or excess things you own, maybe even removing habits that you see as negatives in your life and they do not serve the good in you.

I am all for it! Actually, I am working on ridding myself of some material things in my home that I am not using but they are taking up space. After seeing how much cleaner my home is getting, for some reason it makes me feel better and I want MORE!!!! I am all for that minimalist movement. I feel like not only does it make my surroundings lookIMG_2071 good, but I feel like I can think more clearly. I wonder if that happens to everyone…

The “Less is more” mentality is used on every part of our day. We focus on having less anxiety, having less debt, not over-thinking, living with less regret, and having fewer friends to name a few. Everyone wants fewer of all of those things, but what if we focused on the “MORE” in our lives?

Putting all of our focus on what we don’t want does not help us get what we do want. If we are doing this, we are giving all of our time and energy on the removal of people, things and our mindset. This is pretty negative to me! This is us thinking about the “take away”. Concentrating on the subtractions…I do not want to give too much time to that. Remember what you focus on, grows!

I spent a lot of time in my younger years focusing on what I did not want in my life, and honestly, those things became monsters! They were bigger than anything I wanted to have.  I had to stop focusing on things that would keep me where I was, or drew me back in life, even if it’s was to remove them…That is giving it energy…life.

IMG_3009I am working on freeing myself from that way of thinking and focusing on what I want MORE of. I mean, how can we expect to create the life we want or become the person we imagine if we only focus on what we don’t like? Or what we don’t want? I am putting my focus on what and who I want to add to life. Doing that, I am acknowledging what I want to subtract but I am not feeding “the monster” by giving it all of my focus. I am also making a choice to add experiences and enjoying them rather than focusing on the negative. Being open to what we can have will be more enjoyable than focusing on what we don’t.

That has been a mind-blowing shift in my life so far…I feel so much lighter! There are fewer should’ve, would’ve, could’ve times when we focus on what we would like MORE of. Don’t pray for another job, another lover, or to live somewhere else. Look at where you are and how far you have come…embrace this space! Smile while you think about the good qualities you have…just focus on what you can do to add MORE into the life you have now. What is supposed to be yours, will be yours if you and it lines up with your given destiny so why stress?

When we spend time thinking about subtracting, it closes us off to MORE and makes ustrysomethingnew think small. If we focus on the things we want to add, we are focusing on the upside, on the current and possible growth in our lives. I am not saying acknowledging the negative is bad. We have to be open to seeing it and growing from it. Focusing on it will not help us grow or give us feel-good feelings so we should not dwell there. More positive leads to less and less negative.

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We are still going to get hurt by a person, relationship or life experience. Instead of looking at this and living in the hurt or pain, focus on the lessons, the good that did happen, focusing on bringing the right people that will bring the right energy into your life. Are you still having negative thoughts? Do not try to suppress them! I just think MORE about the positive things that I see and feel and the things that I am grateful for. 

Because I am a plus-size beauty, I get anxiety when it is time to purchase clothes….yes I do! But instead of staying with the feeling, I am talking to myself MORE (not answering back though 😉 ) about the parts of me that I love and reassuring myself that the rest of me is just as beautiful. I am not the most confident woman when it comes to the physical me and I am working on not focusing on the parts of me that I feel aren’t so sexy or the insecurity of all that thinking. I am a work in progress trying to be MORE accepting of me…all of me. There is more to my “sexy” than meets the eye.

That is where I wanna put my focus…

iwantmore

Comparison Can Bring You, Joy, Too!

goodcomparison4Sometimes we watch people “come up” and the green-eyed monster shows up on our shoulders making us wonder why they are getting the things that we have been longing for. Friends are getting new jobs, new lovers, getting engaged or married, having babies, buying nice things, becoming famous, getting promoted and/or getting recognized.

We can look at what is going on in their lives and not feel negative emotions. It’s possible! You can admire what you see happening in their lives without questioning your own success. Economists and psychologists call it downward comparison.  If you compare upward about things you can’t change, then you’re just going to feel stuck. No Bueno!

Comparing ourselves to others does not have to be an unhealthy, negative practice. It doesn’t have to be self-loathing or full of jealousy. Comparing yourself can be goodcomparisonproductive…say whaaaaaaat?!

There are pros and cons to this thing right? It is not good if we are trying to gain a sense of superiority or avoiding challenging yourself to do better. Or comparison can remind us of our own fortune…it serves as a reality check.

It can motivate us, give a different perspective, and make us appreciate our lives.  Comparison can lead to some incredible breakthroughs.

I know this sounds completely unusual. The internet and popular opinion say that we should stop comparing ourselves to others. There are so so many articles out there that tell you why you shouldn’t compare…and I agree with their points. This is just another way to look at a comparison.

goodcomparison1Honestly, we should definitely delight in the success, well-being, and growth of our loved ones. A little comparison can cause a light to go off in your head…your life and motivate you to not only aim higher but to put some action to it. Celebrating others and comparing may help us see where we are,  how far we have come and that we should be celebrated too. It can show us that we are worthy of more and push us forward.

When you see others win, you realize that you deserve more too, that you can grow as well, your time may come later but you are still worthy of your heart’s desire if it lines up with your destiny.

This is something that I have been working on for a while and it really has kept me on goodcomparison3track. I do not have envy in my life. I feel good about who I am becoming. I spend less time being self-deprecating (not all the way there yet- this will be a long journey for me) and it feels good to have less negative emotions flowing through me.

After comparing yourself, you may look yourself in the face and affirm your values, your own worth, and even bigger, what you want out of life.

In the book, Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holidays says, “Stare at it until you can. Only then you will understand what matters and what doesn’t. Only then can you say no, can you opt out of stupid races that don’t matter, or even exist.

goodcomparison5Stare at it…

Look at it…

Soak in it…

Own your feelings! The more we look at other people and compare our movements with theirs, we will look at where we are and where we wanna be. You will understand what matters to you and what doesn’t. You will learn your worth and act accordingly…

7 Ways To Simplify Your Life

Simplifyyour lifeLately, I have been trying to simplify my life. I was starting with my home. Throwing away or giving away things that no longer serve me. Every day, I am becoming more and more aware of what is really worth my energy.

I am seeing that my life will not be better if I do more, add more people to my circle, or make bigger changes. My life can be fulfilled, happy, and very exciting without putting more things on my list or people in my circle. I just need to have the courage to prioritize looking at the things and people in my life and rid myself of the extra. I know that it is possible to do less and live more and that is what I am aiming for this second half of the year and going forward.

Having a lot of people around me had me focusing on a lot of extra BS and that had my energy all over the place…if not drained completely. I cannot even count how many times I said “yes” when I wanted to say “no”. Am I the only one? Probably not! No wonder we are anxious in the presence of certain individuals. It is time to trim the fat ( when I said that I was looking down at my belly as my laptop is sitting on my lap and I have 60 days before my cruise….anyway). simplifyyourlife3

Ok so decluttering your life can cause so many good things to happen. For one, I have been removing the negative thoughts and toxic people from my mind and my heart and that is making room for more good…I am so ready for that!

So how can we declutter?

  • Clean up and keep it that way! I am currently going through my home room by room throwing away what no one can use, giving away what I don’t use and keeping what I love. What else helps is cleaning up after yourself right away after you get everything cleaned up. I am now feeling less stressed when things are being kept tidy and neat. This is an easy way to simplify your life. For some reason, it gives me a calming feeling and opens up my mind to be creative and to think clearly. Cluttered home gives me a cluttered mind…
  • simplifyyourlife1Go a day without spending money! Lord knows that this is hard for me. It is so easy to spend money, and it can be so convenient. It is very challenging to stay away from your morning Starbucks or picking up a quick fast food meal. I want to challenge you to make your coffee at home…and your meals. Even if it is for only one day, it is one way to control some of the aspects of your day…, especially your bank account balance.
  • Say what you mean, and mean what you say! Make an attempt to simplify your thoughts and what you say. Be authentic and sincere. We have to stop sugar coating and just share what is on our minds. When we do this, we are being true to ourselves. We do not have to apologize for what we feel, just speak our truth. It’s just that simple. Or is it?
  • ok, so let’s release some social pressure here. Say No! Do what you feel like doing and do not feel pressured to help or entertain others if you do not want to. Do not feel guilty for not going somewhere, that is a good way to always feel pressured and overwhelmed. Do what YOU want to do and kindly turn down what you do not. You do not even have to drop an excuse or reason. Find comfort in knowing that yousimplifyyourlife2 are doing what makes you feel fabulous and not FOMO anymore.
  • Reduce your commitments. A lot of us have so much on our schedules. Too many things that have to be done…at home, work, school, in our religious and civic lives with our friends and family..oh don’t forget our hobbies have to fit in there. I write everything down in a giant planner and that thing is marked up on most days. It can be overwhelming. I decide which of these are going to bring me joy and value and I ditch the rest. I do not want to invest my precious time doing things that won’t add to me. Let’s get rid of the rest. Sorry, not sorry.
  • Examine your routines. There aren’t many of us that have a set routine in our daily lives. Without that kind structure, we sometimes end up with chaotic days and are less productive than we thought we would be. If it’s better for you to do your laundry all in one day instead of several days through the week, do it. Write everything down that you wanna get done that day. If you do not get it done that day, move it to the next day…do that until you get it done.
  • simplifyyourlife5Declutter those friendships. It does not sound like a positive thing but we have to realize that we have let some people stay in our lives longer than we should have. We have to spend time with people that add to us. People that have positive energy and vibes that make your heart smile. Hanging around those kinds of people help you to feel happy and grow.

If life is what we make it, and you are not satisfied, we have some work to do. Let’s dosimplifyyourlife4 more of what we love…those things that make us happy and make our lives lit!  As we declutter our minds of the people and things that cause us to be or feel out of character, we will have room for the people and experiences that bring us to life. Those things will be easier to see when the messiness is cleared away. At the end of the day, this is the only life we have to live…why not do it to the fullest with the things and people that give us energy, not drain us.