Posted in Lifestyle

You Are Not Broken!

notbroken1For many years, I really spent a lot of time doubting myself. Always wishing that I had a different body or looked different, had a better financial situation or a different life.  It took me a moment but I did realize that I needed to accept myself, the way I was…right then.

We have to learn to acknowledge who we are…now…and accept that person…today…

Why do spend so much time and energy fighting the truth? We do it consciously and subconsciously. Why are we always wanting to be someone else, do something that someone else is doing, wanting to be a different person, look a different way, or carrying ourselves a different way? We really need to get to the point where we accept who we are.  There is a quote by Kurt Cobain, “wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.”

I listen to a lot of podcasts, read books, blogs, and all of that… We can do that all day! We can repost all the inspirational quotes and memes but that just is not going to make up for that lack of self-acceptance that we may have. IF we want to grow…we have to knowIMG_E1086 where we are now and accept ourselves.

So where can we start?

First of all…YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!

You cannot improve on what you have not accepted. Know that you are not broken. Have faith in this…Live by this!

We all have things that we do not like about ourselves. We have flaws and insecurities and hiccups happen in our lives. That does not mean that something is wrong with us. Even with all of our flaws and mishaps, we are enough! We have a purpose and can continue to grow into a better person.

Wanting to improve yourself is proof that you have power. Setting goals, wanting bigger and better, being inspired to want more….all motivating but we also have to accept who we are and appreciate where we are NOW and allow that to be the foundation for where we are headed. Thinking about our brokenness, whether it be physical, spiritual, emotional, etc, is never going to help you grow into the person you really want to be.

notbroken2Again…YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!

We can look at the things in our lives that we believe are not where they should be and want to make them better. That is ok. I have learned to stop ignoring the things that I don’t like about myself. I am working on acknowledging and accepting them, maybe even love them. Many try to hide or fix whatever we feel is flawed so that no one notices. I remember how stressful that was for me! What a heavy load to carry.  And for what?!

Eventually, you are gonna have to take the makeup off, remove the shapewear, or come clean about what you have experienced in your life. We are gonna have to admit it (whatever that is) and think about how much better you are going to feel once you do. Think about the cleansing…the weight lifted! That is what happens when you stop ignoring what you don’t like about yourself. Nothing wrong with dressing up and accentuating to look your best. I am saying that you should still love the person you are underneath all of the adornment.

So at the end of the year, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to change about myself. Not a resolution, just self-evaluating and looking to improve. I have a few times in the year that I do this; another day is my birthday. I look at where I am and think about where I wanna go next. Some of the things I wrote were…I am not confident, I need to work on this belly, I am not where I wanna be in my blogging…etc…That was me, putting my cards on the table, owning my thoughts…then I threw it away! Why, because I can accept DSC_2694where I am and work toward improving what I want to. I know it sounds silly to make the list but it was therapeutic for me. I also write down what I DO like about myself so that it doesn’t feel like a negative activity. Seeing it all on paper made it more real and helped me to accept what I love and what I do not like. I love my heart toward others, that I am generous, curious, motivated and empathetic….those things matter to me just as much as what I do not care for about myself. After all, it is the good and the bad (or our perception of good and bad) that makes us who we are right?

Take some time to get real with yourself. Confirm that you are that b*tch…flaws and all!

I am not always the best mom, friend, coworker…I am shy at times, not always confident, hardly ever bold, awkward, nerdy, and I don’t always like the way I look. BUT I am also a super caring, energetic, funny, curious, empathetic, powerful and kind woman and I own it ALL.

I am that b*tch! I am she…right now! Today! I am gonna own that ish…. (two snaps in a circle- I just aged myself right?)  I am not gonna ignore my flaws or hope that no one else sees them.

notbrokenJust thinking about it makes me feel stronger and frees me from the judgment of others and myself. I’m gonna move through my days with confidence and self-assurance. This girl is gonna stop judging herself and give my back to others when they attempt to pass judgment on me (your poo stinks too -shrugs).

We are in control of our thoughts and how we judge ourselves so watch what you say!

 

Own all of who you are…the good and not so good. Improve what you can and accept what is just part of who you are. You are THAT b*tch and you are enough and not broken. You are YOU! Own that and grow into who you are capable of becoming…

 

 

 

Posted in Lifestyle

I’m Outgrowing People and That’s Ok

outgrowingpeopleAs we get older..we tend to outgrow things. We have outgrown our clothes, our tastes and there are certain things that we just aren’t going to do anymore. Have you outgrown Santa and the tooth fairy? Maybe you have outgrown wrestling your younger siblings or dainty little tea parties (can’t say that I have!)…it happens.

Let’s go a little deeper…we have also outgrown some of our fears right? What about some limitations? You are not afraid to fly alone anymore or swim. There is so much more to add to that list. So why are we holding back when it’s time to walk away from people that we have outgrown?

Why are we not embracing the space we are in mentally, physically, spiritually, and/or emotionally and wanting to see the same thing in the people closest to us? Why are we so afraid to let go of the ones who do not serve us? Why waste time giving our energy to them?

We are out here adulting and stuff and I am sure that you, like me, have gotten to the outgrowingpeople3point where we know who we are and who we desire to be. I don’t know about you but I NOW know what it is like to appreciate myself and invest in me and it feels so good.

Regardless of how your mind works, life will always move forward. We can do the same as we grow up and get to know ourselves better. We have to embrace the fact that as our lives change, so will our circles. There is absolutely no reason for us to sit around and wait for other people to catch up with us.

It is OK to outgrow people!

It is not selfish, or spiteful, or mean to do this. We owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward and everyone cannot come with us to the next space. Sorry, not sorry.

outgrowingpeople1Outgrow people who do not know your value, or pretend to not know…

Outgrow people who are not genuine with you and treat you like you are replaceable…

Outgrow people that do not appreciate you…

Outgrow people who are accepting of part of you and not all…

Outgrow people who do not support who you are and what you are trying to do…

Outgrow people who do not talk to you unless its for a favor or the latest gossip…

Outgrow people who do not want to grow themselves…

Now I wouldn’t go making list or anything of said people. My thoughts are to just realize what you do not need in your life right now. Look at how much you have grown over these years! Let’s keep that growth moving by letting people leave when they try or walking away from people that leaving you feeling anything less than fabulous when they are in your presence or even text and messages. You know that feeling…you seeoutgrowingpeople2 their name and your heart starts racing or you roll your eyes…yeah that one.

We don’t even have to be mean about it. We can simply move on. Move on from the one-sided relationships, people that only hit you up when they have “tea to spill” or want to borrow from you and all of those people who do not appreciate you but “keep in touch”. They are all draining and you can tell from the way you feel when you finally hang up or walk away….RUN!!!!

Remember, that there is nothing selfish about walking away from what doesn’t serve you.

IMG_0925Sometimes, we have outgrown people without even realizing we have. Make it real by walking away. Let me say this…even though you are moving on from whatever, you are not losing it because you cannot lose what it once gave you. You once received from them and it helped you grow, it gave you comfort and taught you many things.  Take the lesson with you!

For this upcoming year, but I have already started, it is time for me to make my circle resemble my growth! I am outgrowing and moving on from people and environments that don’t see my value, invest in my growth, and those that are ALL TALK. My prayer is that you step away from the fear of losing and do the same. We all deserve to live our best life surrounding by people that can see our worth and will hold us accountable…truly love us unconditionally.

Posted in Lifestyle

Opening Up Will Change Your Life

openingup1I used to be more outgoing in my young adult years. I wanted to be around everybody. I wanted to have get-togethers every weekend…now…not so much.

As time has gone on and my focus has been more on raising productive members of society, I have turned into somewhat of a hermit. I rarely shared my life with anyone, especially anything that I was feeling. After you have someone betray your trust, you stop giving it away so freely. I really have become a serious introvert due to past hurts.

I am definitely not saying that I am unhappy with how things are now because in these quiet days, I have learned more about myself and I have fallen in love with this woman right here. I am motivated now more than ever to see my successes and my dreams come true. I know that I deserve it…I did not always feel that way.

Opening up? Not many people want to do that. Many of us hold back…we don’t say whatopeningup2 we really feel. I am guilty of being like this. As I mature, notice I didn’t say as I get older because age hardly matters, I have begun to express myself and not hold on to it and complain to someone else about the experience.

We need to give ourselves the room to say, “I am sad…lonely…tired. I am scared of this. I am feeling insecure about that.” We need to open up! I mean, not to everyone of course. That would be crazy. I just can’t see how it will benefit you to tell everyone you know your personal business, especially if they are not a prayer warrior, encourager, or cheerleader. Everyone that is your “friend” is not always your friend. I learned that young and early. But anyway that is another blog post.

openingupWe are going to be living our own lives and we should just be who we are with no apologies. We need to live it with our whole real, authentic, kind, crazy, soft, funny, hurting. loving selves…why keep it in hiding?

Do you hide who you are because you are afraid of being hurt? Afraid of not being understood? Afraid that they will see you as overly sensitive or emotional? We need to worry less about what others are thinking and more about what will make us feel whole; happy. It is time we live our truth. I will say for myself, that it is time I live my truth…out loud! I have to take up the space that I want to without worrying about comments from the peanut gallery. You should too!

Now, you have to ask yourself how long you are willing to wait to be who you truly are. How long are you gonna stay away from the real you?

There is a plan for your life. There are people who are meant to be permanent fixtures for you, and experiences that you are meant to have and all will make you into a better person. It is true! We cannot continue to shut ourselves off from those people and experiences and miss seeing the best part of us revealed. We are not going to get to meet or get closer to those people or have those experiences if we stay comfortable. IMG_3773

With this new year approaching, I am ready to make some changes but I am not waiting for the clock to strike 12 to change them. I want to be the woman that I am meant to be. That means that opening up, loving people, being real even with the chance of rejection are risks that I will have to take. I am willing to be broken again in order to be remade and willing to lose to make room for my wins.

We should all want to get to the place where we can talk openly about what scares us, what hurt us, how we are feeling, and what can heal us. When someone asks us ‘How are you?”, we should be able to answer honestly and not just give that common answer.

When we open up, we allow ourselves to be…to change and to grow.

We all have hearts beating that let us know that we are alive. Every person or experience that we hand our heart over to is not going to return it in the condition that it was given to them. Know that! It is going to beat a little different. Whether the experience is seen as good or a bad one for you, your heart is affected and it never would have been had you not allowed yourself to experience and feel. We have to be grateful for the opportunity to feel the experience and grow from it. Use the experience for good and become a better you. It’s a beautiful thing!

We just have to allow ourselves to be ourselves. Whatever it is that you are….silly, weird, funny, loving, freaky, or quiet…be yourself!

openingup3I wonder how most people would feel if they had nothing to hide. Imagine peace…

I have to make sure that for myself, I am surrounded by people that will not be judgemental or weirded out by my realness, my past, my present situation, or where I am headed.

I hope that you can find the same peace in those around you…

 

Posted in Lifestyle

Never Worry About “Laundry” Again!

 

laundry1So I am sitting in my closet looking around for something to throw on to run to the store for ingredients to make the icing (yes, I want a cupcake or two…or 24!). I doubled back to this set of drawers that has the jeans that I was wearing last night laying on top of it. Does anyone else have a “laundry spot”? I mean a chair, table, spot on the bed or whatever that they put their clothes that are not dirty “enough” to wash but you don’t hang or fold them up? Guilty!

It had me thinking about some of the issues I have that I need to deal with but I just let them pile up in a little corner to deal with when I have the “energy”. We cannot hope that those things just stay in the corner and never come out again.

It is time to do the “laundry” ya’ll!! I know that at some point, everyone does this. I can’t possibly have stumbled onto something new. We all have things that we need to deal with in our lives. We have those things that we would rather bury and/or put off for another day. I am really starting to see that I feel so much better about myself and my life when I just force myself to deal with those things.

adult alone anxious black and white
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

If you have people and experiences in your life that force you to get your life together and deal with the hard things, those are the ones that you should lean into. They are FOR you and your growth and success. I feel like these people and experiences are for our healing. They may make us uncomfortable while forcing us to face our issues but when we come out on the other side of that thing,…Shining!

What is meant for us, is truly meant for us, whether we see it as good or not-so-good. The person, that job/career, that illness, that state, that calling… it’s yours!  We might as well face it and do what we need to do to make it a thing that we can be at peace with.

Alright so let’s start talking about what you have been putting off. What is it? Paying bills or breaking up with him/her? What are the issues you have been piling up in the chair or corner like yesterday’s laundry? Afraid to commit to something or is it time to leave that job and chase your dreams of being an entrepreneur? We all have our own.

laundryWhat is your next move?

Is it time to have that relationship talk with someone?

Time to confront your boss about a few things?

Time to have an honest conversation with someone who calls themselves a friend? Guilty!

Start that workout plan and tweak your diet? YUP!

There are people around us that will support the promises and ultimatums that we have made for ourselves if we share them…with the right people, of course. There are steps that we can take that will get us on the right track to getting our shhhhh together. For me, it is time that I get moving. What about you?

food journal
diary of food eaten throughout the day when on a diet (shallow DOF)

Ok, so I will share something that I have been “sitting” in the corner. I have not been happy with how I am feeling. I have been tired a lot and I am low on energy. I honestly have been to the gym sporadically and I can feel it. I also recently moved and if you have ever been in this space, you know what happens when you move. OTHER people feed your family!! You eat at every drive-thru you can find because it is so much easier…plus they packed all of your cooking supplies. Anywho…I was eating BAD! Now I am staring at a food log and workout log that I should be using one of my pretty purple gel pens to fill out but ummmmmmm….. I am tired of feeling the way I do so I am done being lazy!

Today is the day! It is time that I stop with the distractions and deal with my stuff. Now, most of it seems to be little and insignificant but they all add up and I could have been much farther if I had just moved my butt.  Today is the day to face those issues and move toward how things should be. I like peace and I love that feeling of having things taken care of.

laundry2Sometimes we do not face issues because we just do not know how to approach them. We do not know where to start. I cannot tell you what to do or how to do it, but I  can tell you that pushing it to the side will not make things better. You cannot just pile all of your questions and issues into a corner. The best thing that we can do for ourselves is to think about some actions that we can take that will help us get to solutions. Take those actions and if we fail…think of another possible solution.

IMG_0948For me, that is the first step to overcoming my issues. I have to talk to the people and do the things that make me nervous or scared because they usually are what I need to face my issues. So, whatever those actions are, do them. Whoever those people are, talk to them…soon!

Actually, just do it now. It takes the load off of your shoulders (and your laundry chair) and gets things taken care of. There is nothing better than handling your business and freeing yourself of the things that are hidden.

Posted in Lifestyle

Are You Supporting Yourself?

supportyourself1It is Tuesday!!

Tuesday is one of my favorite days! One reason is that I get to take Tuesday off from work, which honestly just means …FROM WORK! I still have 10 billion trillion other things going on so it does not mean rest.

Depending on how you look and life, the beginning of the week is either an opportunity to start something new or it is the beginning of another miserable week. Either way, I support you and I know that you will prove yourself right. For real… whether you plan to go through life hitting goals or drag ass, I support it. Why you say?

You are growing…or maybe you are stuck in the same position, for a while now. Whichever it is, you are trying. That is right, even if you are failing, you are trying and that is more than we can say about some other people in our lives. supportyourself3

If you are reading blogs, you are at least looking to grow, expand so you are trying right?

I question myself daily. I know you do! “What am I doing?” “Why am I doing it?”. Do you ask yourself the uncomfortable questions? I am always in my head because I am rarely a talker so the questions keep coming.  This is good and can be hard. I mean, who wants to go through life blind, accepting your surroundings and the things that are fed to you.

We all want more and we want better and that is always a good thing. We do not always know what “more” or “better” is and hey, we may not even know what it is going to take to get there when we figure it out but we should be proud of ourselves for even having supportyourself5the thoughts. This means that we are not content with sitting still and being comfortable. I always talk to my boys about comfort and how it can have you stuck when you are made for so much more.

We woke up today! That alone is a reason to be thankful…and more so, you got out of bed. That takes guts in this world some days. Be proud of yourself for going for it, for handling things! You are taking on the stresses of life, the doubt, and all of the unknowns. You may be going through things but guess what…you are going THROUGH! You are living with it, every day. You are a survivor! You should be proud.

I am learning to be more supportive of myself and how I am handling things. Look, I am aware that I am not where I want to be but I remember where I was and I am a long way from there. Do you remember where you were 5-10 years ago? Even if your head is filled with doubt, you have to be celebrating the fact that you are not there anymore.

Be proud of yourself and support for existence, first by realizing that there is no greatersupportyourself power than you allowing yourself to be flawed. We all make mistakes. We exercise our right to choose and we do not always make the best choice. Take inventory and move forward. Do not beat yourself up. Be confident in what you add to the people around you. Remember that confidence is about accepting the NOW you and striving to improve as you will.

Support yourself as you acknowledge your weaknesses and feed your strengths. Allow yourself to work on your weaknesses but do not give them more attention than you do your strengths. I used to do that and it was disheartening at times because I would sometimes forget what I was good at.

Even if right now you are being planted and it may be dark in your current situation, right now you are working to build something special so you may be behind the scenes. supportyourself4This is temporary because we always get back to adding to your highlight reel.

It does not matter what your current struggle is. Whether you are seeing a decline in your friendship connections, quit working out, been single for a while, or lost in your career, still continue to support you. You have not quit! You are still here and you are trying to find your way and your sense of self. That is something you should be proud of no matter where you are on your journey through this life.

 

 

Posted in Lifestyle

I promise!!

ipromiseI’m on vacation right now and in my down times, I’m reflecting on Cher. I always use my vacation for this and last time I didn’t make one promise to myself so I went home and jump right back into the rat race that I created.

Life is so wildly unpredictable. We create businesses and see failure. We work hard to be our best and there will always be someone who feels you’re not good enough. You can even support someone you love only to have them disappear on you when you need them.

Good ol’ life… unpredictable and sometimes, so unfair!

Life is what it is…we cannot control it. People are people and you know we can’t control them and we should not put any energy toward trying to.

What we CAN control is the person we are inside. Our character, the kindness we give, Promiseand the promises we make to ourselves…we can control all of that. The promises we make to ourselves center us, they give us confidence and a destination.

My life gets crazy at times but one thing I try to do is keep my promises to myself. They make and keep me strong. Every promise I keep to myself gives me confidence and it feels amazing to see what happens with a promise kept.

As I sit here looking at all of this beautiful water and how perfect God formed the things in nature, I’m gonna make new promises to myself.

Let’s see…

IMG_E5328I promise not to complain. Some of these places I’m visiting have people with little means and they are so happy. I have no right to complain with all of the blessings I have seen in my life.

I promise myself to believe in miracles, always! I promise to show kindness and compassion to others.

I promise to forgive myself and others…daily. Life is just too short.

I promise to respect myself and walk away from things/people that don’t serve me.

I promise to be all in!! In all that I do. I need to work on removing distractions for this one. But I can keep it.

I believe I can keep these promises even when life gets crazy, when others don’t support or love me or what I do, and when life is just doing its thing.

I will continue to hold my head up and only look down when I’m admiring cute shoes. I may not be who and what I want to be right now. I may not have what I want right now….but no matter what, I have those promises to myself and regardless of what I see in any moment, that will keep me strong and feeling amazing.

Do you have promises that you have made to yourself?

Our promises empower us! When we keep those promises, we see who we really are. That is our character…shows our values…and defines us, not the things that happen to us. The promises we make to ourselves free us up to live and see the truth of who we really are.

Go ahead and make some promises to yourself today!!!ipormise2

Those promises say who you are and what you represent and will be your guiding light. Say them to yourself and go all in!!!

Promises you make personal will make you live with higher expectations for yourself. They will give you energy and vision. They will bring clarity to your heart.

Make promises to you. Get ready to live with new vigor and enthusiasm for your life.

Enjoy!!

Posted in Lifestyle

My Top 5 Friendship Needs…

three women posing for photo
Photo by Adrienn on Pexels.com

Science says that without friends, most people will die an early death.

It’s true!

In order for us to live a long, happy life, we need each other. We need friends! What we don’t need is a bunch of fair-weathered associates. We need some well-rounded, diverse and supported people to create our circle of friends with. We need people who will be there through thick and thin; that we can share our ups and downs without fear of judgment or abandonment.

two women sitting on white bench
Photo by Elle Hughes on Pexels.com

These are the kind of friends I believe (and hope for in my life) balance out and keep us healthy…

  1. The Loyal Best Friend. We all need a non-judgemental friend that will still be bold enough to call us out on our BS when we need them to. One that will support us and keep our secrets. A loyal bestie is one that will know that we are a hot mess behind closed doors…know all of those deep, dark secrets and still love us thoroughly.
  2. The Brutally Honest Friend. We all need someone to have our back and be bold enough to tell us the old hard truth. He/She will let you know when it is time to stop that on again off again relationship once and for all. They will let you know that it is time to stop settling, that you have something in your nose, or maybe that you really should have looked at yourself before you came outside today. Friends are supposed to be honest with you. They are there to cheer you on and to yank those rose-colored glasses off of your eyes when need be. When you find this person, hold on to them! They are hard to come by.
  3. The Opposite. As humans, we are always looking to bond with like-minded folks. img_7363Always attempting to run in packs. I think that it challenges and grows us to have people in our lives that hold a different view than we do. When we are only associating with “our tribe”, we become detached from the rest of the world and create stereotypes about anyone outside of us. Let us open our eyes to different world views and learn to accept others. That may bring a little more peace into your world.
  4. A Friendly Neighbor. I am going to be honest with you and say that in the last neighborhood that I lived in, I did not know much of anything about the people I lived near. It is a shame because I am sure that my neighbors were probably very nice people, maybe. We are starting to vacation more and having a neighbor that we can trust would and can be life-saving. Nice neighbors that are dependable will have each other’s back and protect each other’s homes. I just recently moved and I know, at least the names for now, of all of the neighbors in my tiny little neighborhood. I actually cannot wait to learn more!
  5. people drinking liquor and talking on dining table close up photo
    Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

    The Wise One. If you have someone in your circle that is smart, encouraging, inspiring and admirable in your life, you are one lucky human! We all need a friend who inspires us to be a better person without making us feel like a child. If you are that person in your group, you may need to find another group or add someone to your group that does the same for you.

 

There are other friends that we need to make our world go around as well, but for me, these are the ones that will keep me growing and make my world crazy and beautiful all at the same time.

We also need an adventurous friend that will grab our hand and take us places and haveIMG_5537 us doing things that we never would have imagined. A funny friend to draw out our smiles when we feel like doing nothing but crying. A praying friend that doesn’t have to talk much but you know that they are praying you through your situations and celebrations. We need a work friend that can help us get through the crazy days.

Having more than one of any of these is a Blessing! I am working on revamping my friendship circle and I am loving how it feels.