I Am Capable Of More

capable1I finally get it! I can finally see the forest before the trees…..(whatever that means right?) I do a lot of things, wear a lot of hats. I am one busy bee. But I am going to be honest with you and say, I hardly ever think that it is enough and that what I do accomplish is good enough. I am so serious….and crazy!!! I have accomplished so much and I am working on adding things to the list…I am capable of so much more than I think….so are you!

I am capable of doing anything that I want to; whatever I am looking to do in this life, I am absolutely capable of doing it, YOU are capable of doing it. Whether or not we really know what we ultimately want and what it looks like to work toward it, we can. We are capable of being happier than ever. It is more than adding the right people to our lives and eliminating those who do not add value to us. We can create the best version of ourselves and the world will be able to see the confidence, value, and purpose in us.

Attitude is everything! We have to tell ourselves every day, in everything…you are capable and there is so much more waiting for you. Then we need to honor ourselves incapable a way that shows that you know it for sure. If we really want to “grow up”, we have to get to know ourselves. One of the ways that we can do that is to release some of the BS that we allow to reside in our lives, those things that keep us from being our best. We cannot feel pressured to make commitments and hang around people that do not positively affect our lives. That is where personal boundaries come in.

Let me be honest about some of the things that I have allowed in my life that have distracted me when it comes to me getting to where I want to be. I have let the needs and happiness of others supersede my own, I was really extra on the people pleasing, I have held onto past relationships and frustrations, and I tolerated people that drained the life and energy out of me. That was too much and I had to do something in order to finally make ME a priority.

Boundaries!

capable2The biggest thing for me was saying “no”. It was rarely part of my vocabulary and my nerves suffered for it. NO is not a negative word, not at all. We can not feel guilty for wanting to choose ourselves over others occasionally. I used to feel guilty for not wanting to help someone, then I thought about how easy it was for others to tell me no and not blink an eye. I speak my truth now! I say no (not always that blunt) with a quickness and I do not feel guilty for not being there…this time. There may be another time where I will help but if I am not feeling, I do not do it.

And I do not give a reason why I am saying no….For what? I owe no one an excuse for choosing to do what I planned, even if it is nothing, over doing for someone else. I love helping every and anyone but if I do not feel Peace about it, I am going to skip it. There is so much power and freedom in the word NO!!

The word “no” establishes a boundary and that is so powerful. You’re telling your truthcapable3 and standing up for yourself. You are showing yourself that you can be trusted to take care of you too. You are a human being and you are choosing to live your life on your terms. Boundaries support the life you want for yourself and show others what you will and will not allow in your life. Having personal boundaries in place shows you have the courage  to love yourself even at the chance of disappointing others.

I am doing it more and more everyday and you can too. Say no! Go ahead! Do not do another thing that you are going to complain about later or feel uncomfortable doing because you are a people-pleaser.  You can be sweet about it, “I am sorry, but I will not be able to help you with that this time.”, “no, I do not have the extra money to loan you.”…whatever they ask, you have the power to say no if you do not want to be there. Start off small and stay consistent, you will eventually be a pro and feel better about having the time to do those things you are capable of that will lead you to personal happiness and fulfillment.

capable4

Let’s Get It Started

LetsgetitstartedI cannot tell you how many bright ideas that I have had that have yet to pass the starting position. I am honestly quite busy but I know that I have the time to put more than a thought and a journal entry into a few of those ideas. I admit that I try to put as many things on my plate as I can so that I stay busy and it can make a girl crazy! The things that I do attempt get finished, it is just that I am completely worn out after them and I have little time for anything else. Time management and learning to say no are going to be at the top of my list for the New Year, that is for sure.

I have a new planner on the way and goals that I have set for this year are going to see me as a more organized and accomplished being (giggles from excitement). I have been using my meditation and quiet time to map out a vision board and this girl is going to see plenty of good in the coming year. How am I getting there? What is the plan? I am evaluating my past attempts and experiences and making the changes from there. I have learned a lot from previous choices and I am ready to make my goals a reality. Let me share with you what I have learned…letsgetitstarted1

  1. Enjoy what you are doing or trying to do. It sounds simple enough but many of us end up spending most of our day doing things that we do not enjoy. Why do we do that? When you have an idea….for anything at all, you are more than likely going to find yourself hitting a few dead ends. That doesn’t mean that you need to quit altogether and go back to doing what you are comfortable with. We just have to step back and find another way to get there. Everything that we do will not always go well all of the time; we just have to love the process of getting to where we want to go as much as finally getting there.
  2. Be in love or fall in love with your ideas/goals/dreams. You know what they are! The things that I am working on are definitely things I am passionate about. You know, those things that make you so excited you can burst from the inside when you are thinking about them or make you so full you want to cry when you visualize the moment you realize you did it. They are part of your purpose and they are the things that make the rest of your life a little easier to deal with. The thought of what that idea/goal/dream can be should give you the motivation to push forward and forget about quitting until you get there.
  3. Mind your budget. Depending on your idea, this budget has the potential to get out of control. Budgets are crucial and I work on doing one for everything…sometimes. There are times when I hit the mark and others, not so much. Seeing a budget helps us to measure our goals, making them more tangible. Numbers help us to see if and when those ideas can become a reality with what we have on hand. If you don’t see enough resources, you can be creative with what you have before looking for outside sources. If you are like me, you want to do things yourself, which is another thing that I learned about.
  4. “No man is an island”. We know that saying and for some of us, we are working on letsgetitstarted2believing that (my hand raised). It is very rare that we have all that we need within ourselves to accomplish our goals. We need help! And so what if others know we cannot do it alone. We have to network. There are few things that we can do without meeting others who have been there so that we see those dreams of ours as a reality. Talk to people that are where you want to be or read about their journeys. For the most part, there is a person or a group that is already doing something similar to what you are trying to do and not getting paid for it.  Join them and bring value to the people that you are meeting with. If you don’t find that group, create it.
  5. Prepare yourself for change. I am not one of those people who have to see things done the same way every time. I am very spontaneous and flexible. I think that is part of why I do not get worked up when things do not work out. It can be frustrating, don’t get me wrong, but it will not completely knock me out. Embracing change is not a strong point for many but it can save anyone a lot of stress if they learned how. It is best to not get fixed on things happening one way. A new way of thinking or doing things can be refreshing and can set things on a greater path than you originally planned.
  6. Tell the world! This one is huge for me because I am not good at this one. I am a quiet person when it comes to sharing who I am and what I am doing. I have no idea why I am such a private person (yet I started a blog, right). Maybe it is because I have problems trusting that the people I know will actually support a project I have or maybe I have a problem with rejection. I am not sure and I do have issues with both of those at times. I am learning that I have to go outside of my circle for authentic support and be bold and confident in what I am doing. If I don’t believe in it, I cannot convince anyone else to. I know that I have to be ready for all types of feedback and advice and I am. I also know how to weed out the good from the bad and keep it moving. Feedback is important for a lot things that happen in our lives but we cannot get caught up in the opinions of others. We also have to know that we should not worry about things being perfect, nothing really is. We just have to be careful not to just share any ol’ thing with the world. We have to give our best at the time and work on improving things from there.

letsgetitstarted3Whatever it is that you are planning on trying or doing in the upcoming year, do it! Do it afraid. Do it with boldness…just do it! If you are like me, you may be tired of creeping your way to the place you want to be. Tired of letting someone’s opinion make you back away from the idea. Get in your quiet place and make a plan, set a goal, journal your dream. Get ready to have the time of your life on a journey to everything that you want to do/be. Celebrate yourself with every small accomplishment along the way. Love on yourself with every little failure as well. Write it down…make it plain…get it done!

‘Tis The Season

Tis the season2I truly do love this time of year! I love the weather because I get to wear my cute boots and scarves. I love the sales, music, and the friendly faces too. Right next to the people with those friendly faces, are the ones who absolutely dread the holiday…yet, they still get out there with everyone else. Why?!!! I do not get that! Looking all irritated because they feel like they have to run up a credit card bill and empty out their accounts to make someone they love semi-happy.  I refuse to drive myself crazy trying to give everyone everything on their list, and do it all in 30 days. We all know that the Christmas season does not shift around…meaning, it comes every year at the same time! The prices are not always something to celebrate at this time because many stores raise their prices so that you will pay the real price after you get your “60%” off. We swipe those cards and give the credit card companies an opportunity to make a lot more money off of us if we pay the minimum balance, so where are we saving?

I have enough bills to deal with throughout the year so I am mindful of this time of year and the “bargains” it may bring. I would like to enjoy the season and still be on good financial footing when the new year begins. I have been reading some about finance and budgeting and I have been using some new ways to keep my stress level down and my wallet balanced during heavy spending times, including the summer, school, vacations, birthdays and Christmas.

  • Tis the season1Set a budget and stick to it! I used to buy things just because I could and it would end up being something that would probably not be used, it was just on sale. Am I the only one? We do not need to impress others with our ability to create debt. Look at your finances and create a budget that gives you air to breath. If you need someone to help you stay accountable to your spending, get someone!
  • If you think you need to, earn some extra cash. There are plenty stores that hire for the holiday season so get out there and do what you need to in order to help your family have a memorable Christmas and not put any significant dents in your main income. You can always take on more hours at your present job if you do not want to take on another job. I found a mobile app where you can do surveys and make extra money as well, Swagbucks. There is also Field Agent. With them, you go around scanning items in stores that you frequent and make money for each scan. It really does work and has plenty of positive reviews. Check them out!
  • Sell things that you have and do not need, use or want. Get rid of it! Go ahead. ItTis the Season is taking up space and you can potentially make money off of it. I am currently giving away purses (you have no idea how hard that is) and maybe a few pairs of shoes.  Someone is probably looking for what you don’t need anymore. I see a lot of people selling things on Facebook yard sales and other places. You never know what you can make and be able to purchase gifts for the family without having to create more debt.
  • Be creative with your gifts. Think about the people you want to purchase gifts for. They are not all the same and some of them already have too many scarves, ties, and pajamas at this point. You can always make something unique or plan an excursion that they would appreciate. I coupon so some of my loved ones may be getting gift baskets with practical everyday things that they can use. That saves them money and the time it takes to shop for the items. Be creative and “out of the box”; most of the time those gifts turn out to be the best and most memorable ones.
  • Tis the season4Pay your bills ASAP! If you did have to use credit cards, try to pay the debt off as quick as you can. The longer you sit on it, the more interest builds and that $9.99 sweater you purchased will really end up being a whole lot more depending on your rate. I know it may be hard to do, but just try not to use them at all. If you have no choice, budget your spending on them. I do not really use mine much because the plan is to be credit card debt free by the end of next year and it is a reality for me because I only have one to go!

This is the time of year to show love to our families and also strangers. Trying to make it through the holiday season without significant debt can be hard, but with careful planning and sacrifice, we just might be able to do it. Giving gifts at Christmas does not have to sneak up on us. I know that it’s coming so planning throughout the year allows a little less stress and gives time to actually enjoy the season and the reason for it. Happy Birthday Jesus! Tis the season3

Tea Time

tea timeI used to feel like I got cheated because I did not have a daughter when I felt like I was done having children. I wanted 3 children because for some reason my life always included that number so it feels pretty lucky for me. I wanted a GIRL!!! I mean why not? Growing up I was a little on the tomboy side but after becoming a mom, I began to embrace my diva and I felt like I should have a mini-me. I did not receive one and I am definitely not bitter about having the young royalty that I was given, but it would have been nice.

tea time2I was given the pleasure of being a godmother to a sweet little girl a few years ago. Not my mini-me but my sweet little sugar cookie nonetheless. Spending time with her is fun. Little girls are so different from boys!! Boys are easy. I just throw my boys around a little and play some sports, watch a few cartoons and play video games. With girls, you tend to not be as rough and I had to learn how to play with dolls and little kitchen sets. Of course with my sons, I look for teachable moments in it all. I don’t want them to think there is ever a time when I am not being mom…even when we are hanging like friends. I do the same with her when we spend time together.

Anywho…I finally decided to give my little goddaughter a birthday party! I wanted it to 6EA34977-59AC-4E9B-B429-9DBB4E87C888be all about her but still have a god-mommy (or Cookie, as she calls me) stamp on it so Tea Party theme is what it was! I am a planner as far as things like parties, vacations, and such goes in my life so I started the planning 5 months before her birthday. I wanted to pull out all of the stops. I did all kinds of research because I did not have a tea party as a young girl, nor had I ever been to one.  I wanted to do it for her….my sugar, so she could have an experience that I did not have as a child. (I also wanted to do it for me!!)

The planning was fun!! Looking for everything tea party! I was online looking at IMG_8682Pinterest, on Amazon and in the thrift and antique stores searching for my pots, cups, and other things to decorate the party just so.  The menu, the drinks (appropriate for young girls), tea pots, tea cups….cucumber sandwiches! I cannot even begin to tell you how much fun party planning is. This one, in particular, took me back to being a little girl and the innocence of being a princess, and remembering to be soft, feminine, and pink! Everything from the invitations to the party favors were all about being elegant and girly. Their party favors were decorated boxes that had candy, white gloves and pearls. I had parasols and hand-made flowers everywhere!

Being feminine is a gift that we should give our girls, our own and the ones we are IMG_8653attached to. We have to remember to be soft and feminine too, even though we have to stand strong at the same time. We have to remember that we have curves and emotions,  we are delicate and beautiful. We have to have and be all of these things and be confident and bold enough to demand our respect and honor all at the same time. We cannot allow ourselves to be walked on and stepped over.We have to own our flaws and dare someone to say that we are not what we say or think we are. Prove it!! Walk and talk like it, speak like a lady and smile

IMG_8683at that beautiful face when you look in the mirror as you admire the beauty you see before you. Every curve…every crazy emotion, how soft and feminine you are. Someone was made to love every inch, every emotion, all of your femininity! Your job is to love you first!! Show the world that you love you by treating you like a princess, a queen in fact! Show them how to do it! Teach them what is acceptable and what is not. Know that you deserve the best, the very best. You make your world better simply by being you and being present. I love being feminine. It was easy when I was dressing like a tomboy, but there is nothing like putting on a dress and seeing how it brushes passed all of my femininity. IMG_8679I love being a woman! It is not easy but it has been a pleasure to bring life into the world and be responsible for rearing human beings.  We have so much power, even in our softness. We can make or break us and/or them, remember that! Embrace your femininity every once in a while. I know you are running around after children all day or working in a career field that does not call for it, but you will have a day off. Don’t stay in your pajamas all day. Take a shower and get dressed, something sexy, even if you are staying home. You will feel sexy and your spouse will enjoy seeing those legs before we get to no-shave November. I am just saying…I practice that one!

IMG_8772If you have little ladies in your life, teach them to love their hair, their softness and crazy emotions.  Embrace their femininity and not to be ashamed of their curves. Self love is paramount in raising confident women that do not attached themselves to someone that may possibly abuse them, physically or otherwise. Be the example. Embrace yours…watch them follow.

 

 

You Don’t have to Hate on Anyone Else’s “Snapback”

Ever since Beyonce had her babies, I have been seeing lots of posts and memes about her “snapback”. Yes, the girl is looking good after dropping two beautiful babies into the images (3)world, but so do you! We all have different shaped bodies and there are very few of us that go right back to our pre-pregnancy size right after giving birth. Some of us have super healthy pregnancies and spring up out of the hospital bed and run a mile in the hallways, others of us may get drug around for the next 3-4 weeks because your offspring had to be cut out of your body. The average woman does not look like they had a plastic surgeon on standby after their delivery. We should celebrate our unique little “snapback” because we brought life into the world and survived it. A few more stretch marks and love handles does not mean that we lose our “hot mom” status. Giving birth can be like going to war depending on what happens in the room so those are your war scars. And if you were stretched out of your normal shape, it means the war goes on a little longer to get the snapback results your desire for yourself.

When you are worried about your snapback, make sure you are doing it for you and not for people to have something to say about it. People are going to talk about it whether you are you…or Beyonce! If you feel good and snapped with your thick thighs and big booty, ROCK IT! If you prefer to be smaller, work on it, but rock the body you have and know that you still  have it going on.

download (5)Having low self-confidence can hold you back from being your best you and pursuing your dreams. Those women that everyone is hating on for their “snapback” after birth are using the “hate” to continue to propel themselves into the positions they want. They aren’t really worry about their haters, they are using them.  We all face self- confidence issues at some point in our lives, we just may not think of it in those terms. And if you want to be the best you that you can be, you cannot compare yourself to others, it is a definite confidence killer.

When we talk about snapback, it is usually referring  to your physical body after giving birth. I was thinking about my snapback and how very little I had after giving birth to my last son, physically anyway. I wasn’t happy with my weight and I struggled for a long time to try to look like that 20 year old of what seemed like decades ago. While working on myself, I thought about all that I went through in that pregnancy and in my 2 previous ones as well. Not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually and mentally. BOY, MY SNAPBACK HAS BEEN REAL!! See, it’s not just your body to me… it is your state of mind, your emotions…your life. Some women never feel the same again, even after regaining that sexy bikini body back in a week. Some women get postpartum depression and never come out of it.  Some women lose their minds and their world gets turned upside down. None of that happened to me. None of that happened to a lot of you either. See…… girl, you have snapback too!! Your external may not be lining up with the internal and other people can’t see it, but you know. You know how you are feeling. You know what that pregnancy did to you emotionally and mentally. You couldn’t remember images (4)anything, couldn’t laugh or sneeze without peeing a little, crying about everything and nothing. Look at you now! You are on top of things (or at least almost) and feeling as close to normal as your definition is…. go girl!! Look at your snapback!! Can’t nobody tell you anything. I know they can’t tell me anything…because I am not trying to hear it.

Now how are you going to treat yourself so you show off your snapback to the world and get them talking about you like they do Beyonce?

  • Groom yourself. A shower and shave can make a world of difference in your day.
  • Dress Nice. It can be casual, just get presentable, the world is your runway.
  • Think positive. Change your thoughts, great things will happen. Replace the negative thoughts.
  • Spend some time with you, alone. Get to know yourself, find out what you really like, what makes you happy.
  • Act positively. Don’t just think it, be it! Action is the key to building self-confidence .
  • Stand tall. When you stand up taller, you feel better about yourself and you may feel (and look) a little skinnier in your photos.
  • Set small goals and achieve them. The more small goals you achieve, the better you will feel and you will be more confident when shooting for the bigger goals.
  • Focus on solutions. Do not be a complainer, it is not sexy! This helps you become more confident and people do not mind your company.
  • Exercise. Looking for the physical snapback? You need to get to work, even if you just take a 30 minute walk a few times a week.
  • Be grateful. Gratitude is so huge in my world. I do not have everything I want but I am so very grateful for what I do have now…including my not-so-snatched body.
  • Smile. Smiling always makes me feel better, and beautiful for that matter. It helps you to be kind and causes a chain reaction. Smiles are so healing for someone having a bad day.

IMG_8475Your snapback may not look like what the celebrity news would report, but it is significant….YOU are snapped! Snatched! Whatever you want to call it… Whether it is your body, soul, or mind…or all 3, you have snapback! Embrace what you have and work on the one you want. It is just that simple.

Girl’s night is a MUST DO!

images (1)For some of us, it is not a problem to be alone. We like ourselves and the company we keep. This is not to say that we do not like being around others. It is just that we have taken the time to get to know who we are as an individual so we do not always need others to make us feel wanted, needed, or loved. Its a good place to be, honestly. There is a special feeling you have when you are alone and content with it. But we need our girls!! I have to admit that. I have to share my day, my “girlie” conversations, my woes and all! I mean, can you imagine a life without true friendship? I cannot and would not want that for anyone. Whether you are single, in a relationship, engaged, or married, you need a regular standing girl’s night with the women in your life. Friends add color to our lives. They lift our spirits, and are there when we have special moments and dark times. We should celebrate each other often and get together for a good time.

Why do we need a standing girl’s night? IMG_4458

  • To Escape. Did you have a long week? Is the boss giving you trouble? Fight with your lover or the children driving you mad? A night out with the girls will relieve some stress as you get caught up in laughter, banter and chatter.
  • Bonding. With all of the social media and texting that we can do to stay connected, nothing is better than face to face contact. Being able to see a person’s face as they share or receive information makes communication so much better and you bond over the good and the struggles of life. Human contact is necessary and it helps us to be able to “feel what you/others are saying”.
  • Dressing up. A lot of us do not have to get dressed up to go to work. Stay-at-home, work-at-home, independent contractors all get to “work” in their pajamas. Then there are others who are free to wear what they want in their career outside of the home, so when we talk about having  girl’s night out, we HAVE to dress “to the nines” as they say. Spending time getting all cutesy makes us feel good…sexy…feminine and it gives a tease to your love when they see you in action, and they are looking forward to your return.
  • Checking In. Now that we have grown up and have families of our own, we rarely actually talk on the phone, let alone get a chance to get together to look at another adult. It is definitely therapy to get a chance to “check in” with our friends. We want to find out how they are really doing, not what they are telling Facebook, or laughing and just giving them hug can make a world of difference for us all.
  • To Have Space. Yes, we love our partners, children, and our home, but we do need some “ME” time. There is nothing wrong with having a healthy balance of together time, alone time and social time.

Being a mother and/or wife can take a toll on us at times. Taking the time to get in touch with your girlfriends and share “war” stories and femininity can really heal your emotional wounds. This is a time where you can be free to finally say how you really think and feel about life and love. It also encourages those feelings of wild abandon and camaraderie with the ladies that you know feel just like you do. You do not have to hide, you can relax, be you, and know that you are accepted for being the weird and quirky person that you are.

Being with women that you know truly love and support you is like a breath of fresh air. When you come back from a few hours of their company, it feels like you just came back from a short getaway; it refreshes your mind, it fuels for the soul, and when mom is happy everyone is happy right?! Being with my girls reminds me of how much fun it is to be woman and an adult.

Some ideas for your next girl’s night…

  • Wine tasting party
  • “Bachelorette party” at a bar or club (even if no one is getting married)
  •  Window shop and have lunch
  • Old school sleepover (Sex in the City, facials, gossip, drinks, and do not be the first one to fall asleep!)
  • WII Dance competitionIMG_3605
  • Craft/Terrarium party (DIY night)
  • You tube makeup/hair tutorial night
  • Favorite dinner and a movie
  • Groupon something you have never done before (I found a great pole dancing class!)
  • Have a girl’s night IN theme party (these are my favorites)
  • Plan a cruise if you need a little more time

Enjoy!!!!