Sometimes we watch people “come up” and the green-eyed monster shows up on our shoulders making us wonder why they are getting the things that we have been longing for. Friends are getting new jobs, new lovers, getting engaged or married, having babies, buying nice things, becoming famous, getting promoted and/or getting recognized.
We can look at what is going on in their lives and not feel negative emotions. It’s possible! You can admire what you see happening in their lives without questioning your own success. Economists and psychologists call it downward comparison. If you compare upward about things you can’t change, then you’re just going to feel stuck. No Bueno!
Comparing ourselves to others does not have to be an unhealthy, negative practice. It doesn’t have to be self-loathing or full of jealousy. Comparing yourself can be 
productive…say whaaaaaaat?!
There are pros and cons to this thing right? It is not good if we are trying to gain a sense of superiority or avoiding challenging yourself to do better. Or comparison can remind us of our own fortune…it serves as a reality check.
It can motivate us, give a different perspective, and make us appreciate our lives. Comparison can lead to some incredible breakthroughs.
I know this sounds completely unusual. The internet and popular opinion say that we should stop comparing ourselves to others. There are so so many articles out there that tell you why you shouldn’t compare…and I agree with their points. This is just another way to look at a comparison.
Honestly, we should definitely delight in the success, well-being, and growth of our loved ones. A little comparison can cause a light to go off in your head…your life and motivate you to not only aim higher but to put some action to it. Celebrating others and comparing may help us see where we are, how far we have come and that we should be celebrated too. It can show us that we are worthy of more and push us forward.
When you see others win, you realize that you deserve more too, that you can grow as well, your time may come later but you are still worthy of your heart’s desire if it lines up with your destiny.
This is something that I have been working on for a while and it really has kept me on 
track. I do not have envy in my life. I feel good about who I am becoming. I spend less time being self-deprecating (not all the way there yet- this will be a long journey for me) and it feels good to have less negative emotions flowing through me.
After comparing yourself, you may look yourself in the face and affirm your values, your own worth, and even bigger, what you want out of life.
In the book, Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holidays says, “Stare at it until you can. Only then you will understand what matters and what doesn’t. Only then can you say no, can you opt out of stupid races that don’t matter, or even exist.
Stare at it…
Look at it…
Soak in it…
Own your feelings! The more we look at other people and compare our movements with theirs, we will look at where we are and where we wanna be. You will understand what matters to you and what doesn’t. You will learn your worth and act accordingly…
I am always trying to make sure that my schedule shows me and my world that I have things going on…I need to slow it down! Really! And I do know that I am not the only one so…
and I am really seeing how a person can just live…and do it without regret. I also ignore the expectations that others have on me and oh what a relief it is!
I am patient, that is definitely true. I do not mind waiting for what is truly mine. Waiting does not mean that I am not driven or hungry for what I desire. To me, it shows my strength and resilience and wisdom! Waiting can be empowering and I am sure (because it has started happening with me) that beautiful things happen while you wait for your heart’s desire. I learn something with each moment I wait. Those lessons give me more opportunities to grow. The longer I wait, the more capable I feel that I am and the more likely I will end up where I belong…..where I belong… I belong nowhere, I belong everywhere! Anywhere! So I keep moving forward…with patience.
talk about this all of the time. He will be 26 this year and most of his childhood friends are married (some have been more than once) and have children. He is working, getting ready to go back to school for his Master’s and engaged to his high school sweetheart and dare I say that they are waiting until marriage before they engage in all that produces a family. He used to talk about how behind he is in life and questioned his journey. I always encourage him to not measure his life by the decisions of others in their lives. He should continue to love what is happening in his and be proud. He should understand that we all do not move in the same way, we just move forward making decisions that are hopefully good for us as individuals. Comparison is the thief of joy. Your journey is unique to you and only you.
“The mind is everything. What you think you become.” -Buddha
change once we have the results that we want. I don’t know about you but to me, that is almost backward thinking. To get the results we desire, we have to change the way we are thinking, our words, and our actions first. So we should change this statement to I need to do/be (blank) so I can have (blank). It is truly our beliefs and actions that create our circumstances, not the other way around.
I can’t- The quality of our lives can be determined by the quality of our questions. We need to stop looking at our skills a being limited and start framing our thought to be “how can I?”. Don’t say “I can’t afford that…”. Instead ask yourself, “How can I afford that?”. We have to work on rewiring our brains to ask how things will be possible instead of focusing on what is lacking. Speak opportunity!
we hear ourselves saying something that puts us in the victim role, we have to reframe our thinking about how the event is serving our well being.
Question… What do you really think of yourself?
wants to just wake up and float through life, not standing for anything, or having a goal to push through and live out their dreams. I am all about going for and doing what you love. What is the saying? “Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life.” That is my goal. God wakes me up every morning…my dreams are what get me out of bed to chase them in order to live a beautiful life and leave a legacy for my children. If you do not know yourself, waking up is probably a chore and eventually, you will dim your inner fire, that thing that gets you out of bed.
Are you even comfortable being alone?
for ourselves, listen to ourselves and realize that being a little selfish is not a bad thing. We also get alerted to our own bullsh*t. When you are alone and that alarm goes off that tell you that you are not being yourself. The more time you spend alone, you can train yourself to stop filtering your thoughts…and train your brain to listen to everything and ignore nothing. Everything is important!
energies away from you.
I used to think that I had to fill up every moment of my day with “stuff”. Didn’t matter what it was, but to feel like I had something to do, I would stretch myself and fill my schedule just so I can look busy. Now that my boys are older…I am older, I truly crave a simple life. I think we all should look to do that. Our children and parents will be older and we will look back and wish that we had spent more time loving and less time working and looking busy.
Life is going to bring frustrations, disappointments, and stress with all of the busyness we have going on but we should learn to let go of what we cannot change, take a deep breath and relax. Release some of the things that we tend to that are not truly our “business” so that we have time to live a less complicated life.
to say no every once in a while and take the time we would have given away to someone else and just take a walk, a bath, read a book, or absolutely nothing at all. We also have to work on losing our attachment to stuff! (and sometimes people). We are all getting our homes ready for a new year. Throwing away things that we really don’t need to take with us forward. If you are attached to living a certain way, sentimental items, or doing things all of the time, you will not be able to clear the way for the things you really need to enter your life. Make room for what will serve you by getting rid for some of those comforts.
I have read a few articles and blogs about mindfulness and it is something that I have been practicing for months. I love it! It truly works and has helped to make people feel important in my presence. Ok, so imagine that no matter what you are doing, you are doing it in full-screen mode. That means, like on your cell phone, you do not have 5 pages open at the same time, switching between them all. You are full- screen mode washing those dishes or reading that book, having dinner with the family….sounds hard right? It is really not though. It does have to be practiced because we are so used to doing 100 things at a time, especially as a mom. Just do that one thing…ONLY… at a time. It definitely feels less stressful and more memorable. Things get your full attention and get completed with a little more love. You can actually savor the moment! Try it with the ones you love as well. Those moments feel so much more meaningful when your full attention is on them.
I have really adopted meditation in my morning routine and I have been reading about all of the different methods of better mental health out there because I am not one to pop pills for every little thing. I came across an article about Chakras and healing crystals and I found it interesting enough to want to give it a try.
on the crystal, has healing properties that are even occasionally used in medications. And just like magnets attract and repel, healing stones use energy the same way. Placing a crystal over certain parts of your body will cause your energy to transform, vibrate, pulse, move, or shift in accordance with the properties and energetic signature of the crystal.
Amethyst. It is said to cure hangovers and drunkenness. I don’t have these issues but I threw that in there for free (smiles). It also helps in connecting people to their spirituality. Amethyst clears the mind, brings clarity and tranquility and works with the upper chakras.
jumping on this one. It helps to attract love, protect relationships and heal your heart. It also helps you to recover from pain and disappointment and balances your heart chakra.
of these!). It activates your intellect and memory. Strengthens your self worth and willpower and promotes positive thinking and business success. Alex, order me 100 pounds of this one please!
create understanding and awareness. It is said to be very effective when you are feeling stressed so it would be great with meditation.
balance you, I got excited! I need that so bad with the 101 hats I wear on a daily bases. It is used to center and calm you and clear away negative feelings. It treats anxiety?! Whaaaaaa?. SO yes! we are going to try this one as well.
This is really just a few but I do want to see how and if they work. Many people swear by them, just as many do essential oils so I’m in. I will have to do a follow up post on what I think about crystals and the ones I chose to try. If any of you have used or are presently using the crystals are stone, feel free to share your experiences and favorites ones to use.