No matter who you are, relationships are very important for you. Close relationships, either family or long-time friendships, are what we build our perceptions on life from. We all see things through our own special “lenses” and make our own stories from our experiences. With that being said, most of our time is spent with the people that have a direct impact on how we see the world around us.
Because we are all imperfect, we will sometimes fall short on seeing love as it truly is. The people in our lives may hurt us or we may hurt them and then comes judgment. But we do not just judge the action, we judge the person and love itself…we may even throw in the towel and quit the person and LOVE altogether. How many times have you heard someone say, “I am through with love” just because of their experience with one person?
There are so many misconceptions about love and relationships and I think we can tackle a few of them now so that we can learn to love people where and how they are, in turn loving ourselves. 
For one, you do not have to agree about everything! In my experience, when there are differences, and mature communication, the relationships are strengthened, examined, and value is added to each person when you are free to say how you feel without judgment. If your loved one cannot speak their opinion without you feeling the need to change their opinion, is that an act of true love or control? We do not have to debate with people just because they do not see life the way we do. It actually makes life more interesting to see a situation through the eyes of a loved one and it can bring us closer to them.
Why is it that we would rather be the one whose right than be the person who asks questions to gain an understanding of another’s opinions? I think a lot of people love to hear themselves talk and do not have time to listen. While this person is talking away, they are missing out on the chance to see the other person’s ideas; see where they are 
coming from, and therefore get a different perspective. From my recent encounters, I feel like we are losing the beauty of an actual deep conversation. I don’t mean all…but I do mean some…In any conversation we have, we should look to be enlightened some instead of looking for the moment to tell someone what to do or say or how to be. Instead of being so combative, we should ask more questions ( except surface talk…I cannot stand surface conversation for more than a minute.) to find out more. In doing so, it may change the way we see things and we may find out that we are not as right about something that we thought we had figured out.
Another misconception about relationships is that humility makes you weak! Because we all have different opinions about things, there is bound to be some shaky ground when we are having conversations with others. Many of us have believed something for so long that the standard of thinking that we have will never change (or it seems that way). Not many will admit it but I think that a lot of people want to change someone’s mind about what they believe without even wanting to know why they believe what they do. They don’t know what the other person has gone through or the experiences that have impacted their view of the world. They just want the person to agree with their views…narcissism at its finest.
We have no reason to look down on or speak negatively about ourselves. We do have to
be careful not to think too highly of ourselves though. It can be dangerous if we are “getting high off our own supply” and thinking that we can do no wrong. Humility attracts people that want to share and dialogue. Humility takes us away from seeing ourselves as “perfect” and encourages dialogue…giving us an opportunity to add value to each other.
People are different and that is one thing in life that we cannot avoid. Why try to avoid it anyway? We should embrace and try to understand the differences that we have. Gaining understanding helps to reveal the beauty that really does still exist in this world and makes every day a special and unique. We should not assume that we cannot give love to people that do not look, act, or think the way that we do. That’s lame and can leave us lonely if we get extra literal about it. More importantly, is that what love looks like? There is gonna be friction involved when we are dealing with other people. We can learn to respect the differences and let others be free to be themselves in our presence…especially because we want that same thing from them.
There is a problem with us wanting people to think the way we do. I get it…it is your world and in your world, you are always right! We need to embrace everyone with their different thoughts and beliefs…make a big ol’ unity salad! (yes, I am hungry)….anyway…how boring would the world be if we all thought the same, had the same interest and whatever else…clones…boring! I guess people wouldn’t look down onĀ 
each other or talk negatively…still would be boring. Wanting others to be just like you ruin the chance for diversity, unity, civil dialogue…and growth!
Allow people to be who they are around you. You will deepen your friendships and relationships and find out so much more about who they really are. You may even find out who you really are! You may also find yourself sharing more about you. Adding value to each other is an important part of what deep relationships are all about.
Do you feel like your life is on pause? Is this a chapter in your life that you are confused about what you want to do or frustrated about where you currently are? Do you need something new? Most of the time, we like to be comfortable. Most people just sit and wait for the next thing to come to them..or they just keep doing what they are doing and complain and/or overthink about it the whole time.
New things not only give us different result but we learn more and they bring us happiness, we receive change and a broader perspective and development. We never know how we will grow from that something new. When we do new things, a lot can happen to us. We can overcome fear, we learn new experiences and how to conduct ourselves in uncomfortable situations, get to know more about ourselves, grow, and maybe even meet some new people.
This summer, why don’t you go ahead and try to become a little bit of a “yes” person! When the opportunity presents itself for you to have a new experience, challenge, or idea, go for it! Try not to make an excuse and just go for it. You will see that the benefits will more than likely outweigh the risks. Isn’t life way too short to settle for living a bland one?
Ok, so let’s talk about your squad. I am proud to say that I am an introvert but I am a timely social butterfly when life calls for it. At the sameĀ time, I would love to have a squad like that show “Girlfriends.” They had a little bit of everything and that is what friendships are all about.
become more. I mean, we all should have that one friend that you should never put on speakerphone (this would be me), the one that is always down to eat or shop, and the spontaneous one who is always down to do something crazy.
are a reflection of the people that you surround yourself with.
that you are spending most of your time with are the ones that will impact your mindset so you have to make sure that you are on common ground for the most part if you are ready to grow and have that positive mindset. Do not invest your time in people that drain you or drag you down. Do not listen to people that tell you that you are dreaming too big or that you cannot do something. Weed those suckers and dream-killers out of your immediate circle.
We have to stop allowing negative thoughts to set up camp in our brains. They are goingĀ to come but that does not mean they can stay. And that means the negative people as well! If it or they are not going to add to you and help you be your best self…they need to keep their distance. Spend less time with them! Don’t answer every call, especially when you are having an excellent day. Do not get me wrong, none of us is perfect, but we can work toward having what we need in order to be who we desire to be. Paying attention to who is surrounding us is an act of self-love and self-care so do not feel guilty for creating a space between you and them.Ā We want to spend most of our time with people who inspire us, encourage us and enrich our lives.
I need a squad around me that consistently build me up and add value to me. I deserve that because that is the kind of friend that I am. I truly want to be surrounded by a bunch of beautiful badass women! There are so many of you out there and you deserve the same. Choose wisely. There is no rush. Where you are going, not every friend you presently have is equipped to go, know that. And that is ok!
The idea of being in tune with your feelings is not a bad thing. My only problem with feelings is when someone gets so far IN them that they allow those feelings to define them. When your emotions are so overpowering that you lose control, it is like you are saying that the situation you are facing is what you are accepting…you are settling for that and if it is not building you or others up, helping you grow, or kind to you or anyone else, you should not accept it because it is not serving good to your spirit. One of the current sayings out there that I just do not agree with is, “it is what it is.” I do not know why but it just does not sit right with me. It almost has a quitter connotation with it and that is just one thing that I cannot relate with.
We may feel these things at some time or another but we have to know that it is an emotion and we will not feel that way forever. We can feel these emotions but we do not have to be them.
think our way into another direction if those feelings are not kind. Sure, we can feel lonely, sad, angry, defeated, or whatever, we are entitled to that. We do have to also remember that it does not serve us to be unkind to ourselves so yes, you may be lonely but you are not a lonely person…get out there and be around others and separate yourself from that emotion. You may be sad or feeling defeated but you are not going to be defined as a sad or defeated person. You can change what you are feeling by responding differently.Ā Get out there and doing something you have always wanted to do, or try it again, do something that brings a smile to your face.
I am always trying to make sure that my schedule shows me and my world that I have things going on…I need to slow it down! Really! And I do know that I am not the only one so…
and I am really seeing how a person can just live…and do it without regret. I also ignore the expectations that others have on me and oh what a relief it is!
I am patient, that is definitely true. I do not mind waiting for what is truly mine. Waiting does not mean that I am not driven or hungry for what I desire. To me, it shows my strength and resilience and wisdom! Waiting can be empowering and I am sure (because it has started happening with me) that beautiful things happen while you wait for your heart’s desire. I learn something with each moment I wait. Those lessons give me more opportunities to grow. The longer I wait, the more capable I feel that I am and the more likely I will end up where I belong…..where I belong… I belong nowhere,Ā I belong everywhere! Anywhere! So I keep moving forward…with patience.
talk about this all of the time. He will be 26 this year and most of his childhood friends are married (some have been more than once) and have children. He is working, getting ready to go back to school for his Master’s and engaged to his high school sweetheart and dare I say that they are waiting until marriage before they engage in all that produces a family. He used to talk about how behind he is in life and questioned his journey. I always encourage him to not measure his life by the decisions of others in their lives. He should continue to love what is happening in his and be proud. He should understand that we all do not move in the same way, we just move forward making decisions that are hopefully good for us as individuals. Comparison is the thief of joy. Your journey is unique to you and only you.
Money management is a very tricky subject that can leave many feeling apprehensive. Finances can lead to arguments in relationships and lots of worries, maybe even depression among some. I am well into my 40s and I have talked to people my age that have been putting off saving for retirement….NO! Some have never heard of having an emergency fund for a rainy day. It is never too late to get your finances on the right track so we need to get started and begin to make good financial choices so that we can live the life that we dream of.
sick at the mere thought of it is now a priority. Whatever concerns you most, make that a priority.
Have a plan. First, we have to look at our spending habits. Look at your expenses, if you are spending money for a gym membership and you never go, it is not important so it can get cut out. Go walk in the park for free. Do you go out to eat every day? That is not necessary and can get cut down or out. Go do some grocery shopping and buy things that you can prepare and bring to work for lunch. Cut out what is not a need and/or not important to you and start saving to build your emergency fund.
partner may lose your job, or some medical emergency may arise, or a tire blows on your car. How you put away money away for an emergency is up to you. Having money to deal with problems as they come definitely gives you some relief and makes you feel more secure. Most emergencies have enough stress with them as it is; not having the finances to take care of them will add more.
Find what works for you and keep doing it. “If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.” Once you find a system that works for you, do not get distracted by the new trends, apps, and TV financial advisors advice. It is sometimes tempting to try the next new thing but if you are in a good rhythm, keep it going. Your focus will pay off!
“The mind is everything. What you think you become.” -Buddha
change once we have the results that we want. I don’t know about you but to me, that is almost backward thinking. To get the results we desire, we have to change the way we are thinking, our words, and our actions first. So we should change this statement to I need to do/be (blank) so I can have (blank). It is truly our beliefs and actions that create our circumstances, not the other way around.
I can’t- The quality of our lives can be determined by the quality of our questions. We need to stop looking at our skills a being limited and start framing our thought to be “how can I?”. Don’t say “I can’t afford that…”. Instead ask yourself, “How can I afford that?”. We have to work on rewiring our brains to ask how things will be possible instead of focusing on what is lacking. Speak opportunity!
we hear ourselves saying something that puts us in the victim role, we have to reframe our thinking about how the event is serving our well being.