Comparison Can Bring You, Joy, Too!

goodcomparison4Sometimes we watch people “come up” and the green-eyed monster shows up on our shoulders making us wonder why they are getting the things that we have been longing for. Friends are getting new jobs, new lovers, getting engaged or married, having babies, buying nice things, becoming famous, getting promoted and/or getting recognized.

We can look at what is going on in their lives and not feel negative emotions. It’s possible! You can admire what you see happening in their lives without questioning your own success. Economists and psychologists call it downward comparison.  If you compare upward about things you can’t change, then you’re just going to feel stuck. No Bueno!

Comparing ourselves to others does not have to be an unhealthy, negative practice. It doesn’t have to be self-loathing or full of jealousy. Comparing yourself can be goodcomparisonproductive…say whaaaaaaat?!

There are pros and cons to this thing right? It is not good if we are trying to gain a sense of superiority or avoiding challenging yourself to do better. Or comparison can remind us of our own fortune…it serves as a reality check.

It can motivate us, give a different perspective, and make us appreciate our lives.  Comparison can lead to some incredible breakthroughs.

I know this sounds completely unusual. The internet and popular opinion say that we should stop comparing ourselves to others. There are so so many articles out there that tell you why you shouldn’t compare…and I agree with their points. This is just another way to look at a comparison.

goodcomparison1Honestly, we should definitely delight in the success, well-being, and growth of our loved ones. A little comparison can cause a light to go off in your head…your life and motivate you to not only aim higher but to put some action to it. Celebrating others and comparing may help us see where we are,  how far we have come and that we should be celebrated too. It can show us that we are worthy of more and push us forward.

When you see others win, you realize that you deserve more too, that you can grow as well, your time may come later but you are still worthy of your heart’s desire if it lines up with your destiny.

This is something that I have been working on for a while and it really has kept me on goodcomparison3track. I do not have envy in my life. I feel good about who I am becoming. I spend less time being self-deprecating (not all the way there yet- this will be a long journey for me) and it feels good to have less negative emotions flowing through me.

After comparing yourself, you may look yourself in the face and affirm your values, your own worth, and even bigger, what you want out of life.

In the book, Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holidays says, “Stare at it until you can. Only then you will understand what matters and what doesn’t. Only then can you say no, can you opt out of stupid races that don’t matter, or even exist.

goodcomparison5Stare at it…

Look at it…

Soak in it…

Own your feelings! The more we look at other people and compare our movements with theirs, we will look at where we are and where we wanna be. You will understand what matters to you and what doesn’t. You will learn your worth and act accordingly…

Why Your Squad May Be Hurting You

SquadgoalsOk, so let’s talk about your squad. I am proud to say that I am an introvert but I am a timely social butterfly when life calls for it. At the same  time, I would love to have a squad like that show “Girlfriends.” They had a little bit of everything and that is what friendships are all about.

We do tend to have a wide variety of people in our lives. I have some people that I have communicated with since younger than high school days, people that I have worked with (past and present) that I still talk to, family/friends, and church associates that have squadgoals3become more. I mean, we all should have that one friend that you should never put on speakerphone (this would be me), the one that is always down to eat or shop, and the spontaneous one who is always down to do something crazy.

One thing on the list of changes that I wanna see in my life for this year was having a positive vibes only circle. I mean truthfully, we are all going to have experiences that are trying and cause not-so-positive feelings, but having a squad that you can count on to bring you out of depression and add value to your life is a gold mine.

Consider who your people are…and what you actually need. Then think about this… yousquadgoals2 are a reflection of the people that you surround yourself with.

That means you need to think about who you want to be…Do you want to be positive? Driven? An entrepreneur? A go-getter? Empowered? That means that you need to get around those that are where you want to be or are working on going in the same direction so that you can motivate each other and hold one another accountable.

Take stock. Look at your closest friends and ask yourself if they challenge you, elevate you, listen to you, hold you accountable, or add value to you. Remember that the people squadgoals4that you are spending most of your time with are the ones that will impact your mindset so you have to make sure that you are on common ground for the most part if you are ready to grow and have that positive mindset. Do not invest your time in people that drain you or drag you down. Do not listen to people that tell you that you are dreaming too big or that you cannot do something. Weed those suckers and dream-killers out of your immediate circle.

Positive Vibes Only!!!!

Sometimes it is hard for us to see the ones that are draining us. Check on yourself after you have spent a little time with your friends/family or after a phone conversation. How do you feel? Are you drained, sad, worrying? If they are one of those people that you roll your eyes at when their name comes across your phone..they are one of THEM!

squadgoals1We have to stop allowing negative thoughts to set up camp in our brains. They are going to come but that does not mean they can stay. And that means the negative people as well! If it or they are not going to add to you and help you be your best self…they need to keep their distance. Spend less time with them! Don’t answer every call, especially when you are having an excellent day. Do not get me wrong, none of us is perfect, but we can work toward having what we need in order to be who we desire to be. Paying attention to who is surrounding us is an act of self-love and self-care so do not feel guilty for creating a space between you and them.  We want to spend most of our time with people who inspire us, encourage us and enrich our lives.

IMG_2120I need a squad around me that consistently build me up and add value to me. I deserve that because that is the kind of friend that I am. I truly want to be surrounded by a bunch of beautiful badass women! There are so many of you out there and you deserve the same. Choose wisely. There is no rush. Where you are going, not every friend you presently have is equipped to go, know that. And that is ok!

You should want your friends to be whole and happy and they should want the same for you. You should want those same friends to not be afraid to call you out on your BS because you would give them the same. They should be ready to celebrate with you, mourn with you, and push you when you get lazy. When you have friends that support you and check on you, and even tell you when you are being an ass, you have everything…Congratulations!

Comfort Is For The Boring

comfort1There is nothing like a comfortable bed with lots of fluffy pillows and a nice warm blanket. I know this and I want that in my life…every night! I like my bed and other places that I sit and/or rest to comfortable, but what about my life? Just how comfortable do I want to be?

If you are presently comfortable with your life, your routine, and your relationships…I think it is time to force yourself to get uncomfortable.

Something that we need to think about is the more we sit still and be “happy”, the less we actually grow. The more we stretch beyond our comfort zone, the more we grow.

You know what is not comfortable for you, personally. Talking to people who are where you want to be in life. Going to places you want to go alone. Taking a chance on starting that business or writing that book you have been dreaming about.

When you realize that you just wash, rinse, and repeat daily, you have to throw a comfort2monkey wrench in that comfort and push yourself to do something out of your comfort zone. Start questioning yourself and your motives, saying no when you used to say yes, or yes when you always said no, go out instead of making excuses to stay in (that one used to be me….frequently!).

Getting out of our comfort zone is really the only way that we will see growth in this life. The more we do, the more confident we will be and the more self-assured. We may fail at times, but we will eventually fail our way to success if we learn something from the failure and take notes.

If you think you know your path and have everything you need to get there, you are way too comfortable and you may get your feelings hurt. Our thoughts cannot be set in stone about our future. God is the only one who knows and He will not let us know anything before its time. So for us, our path will never be clear, so we should just strap up our boots and enjoy the ride… and get uncomfortable. We never know how much more fully we will enjoy our lives or how truly happy we can be until we let go and face being out of our comfort zone.

comfort4So if you are living a mundane and routine life, I urge you to throw yourself a curve ball every once in a while. There is so much out there in the world to explore and learn. And what about those things that pop in your head that you want to try? Do not leave those things undiscovered if it is in your power to do them! I am sure that is not how you want to live. To do things you have never done, meet new people, have new discoveries and explore new places…that is when you will feel like you are doing more than existing.. you are LIVING and being the person you truly want to be. How do they say it? You will be “Living your best life!”

The only way to get there is just to do it! Get out of your comfort zone and see what your life can truly be. Get uncomfortable! There is nothing wrong with doing something for the first time, even at our age. We can be awkward and embarrassed while having new experiences, it’s ok. We can embrace those moments that we find ourselves in where we do not know what to do or say, oh well.

We are the only ones responsible for our lives and how we live in the end. You choosecomfort3 your emotions at the end of the day. How do you want to live this life? What attitude toward your life experiences do you want to have? Do you want to remain stagnant and “comfy” or grow while experiencing more of what life has to offer? I am learning more and more that when I open myself up to doing new things and learning from them, I feel more alive and confident in myself…the feeling is like no other!

So just do it…get uncomfortable and live your best life




twofacedI have to admit, some years ago, I changed up who I was depending on where I was….. two-faced. When I say two-faced, I do not mean that I smiled in someone’s face, then talked about them behind their backs…that’s not me at all. I mean that I was a different person when I was at work than I was at home or church or out with the girls. I put on a front, or as we say it now, filter so that I can seem more professional and capable.  I was managing so there had to be a certain “air” about me so that the clients and employees would take me seriously and things would get done.

twofaced3I learned quickly that not being my authentic self was boring me and the people that I worked with. I learned that showing my employees that it is ok to laugh and joke at work and be who they truly are (to a degree of course) was the best thing that could happen in a work environment. This helps to accelerate personal development because it breaks down the walls and awkwardness, then everyone is open to striving to be more successful. So…lighten up!

I believe we should laugh and joke more…in general. At work, we need to because we have enough reasons to NOT smile. With all of the pressure on you to meet deadlines and please this person and that one, laughing and joking a little can lighten things up as you get these things accomplished.

Now, I know that you have heard the saying, “laughter is the best medicine.”…I think it is img_7173so true. I recently saw a show on Discovery Channel that talked about a woman who started a laughing yoga class and it has become a very successful business. I thought that it was strange when I first saw it but when you think about it, just the sound of someone else laughing can put you in a good mood.

I go to stores and restaurants and there are so many people that are at work and they do not want to be there. I say QUIT…or make the day go by smiling and laughing and joking a little. I cannot stand being served by someone who hates their job but can’t leave. They make my food taste bad, clothes a little tighter (joking), you know what I mean; everything just feels wrong. Do us all a favor, know your “why” and adjust your attitude or leave!

Joke around, smile, and be goofy sometimes, even at work. You can be the same person that you are in and out of work. I believe that when you are your authentic self all of the time, it draws people in and creates a connection. That gives you an opportunity for growth personally and you never know what other opportunities will come.

Just be YOU!

twofaced2And don’t feel bad about it. And poke fun at yourself as well. We spend over 2000 hours a year at work. That is a lot of time to hate work. Use that time to build character and relationships, and opportunities for personal growth and smile a little. Forget the work filters and be who you are when you are at home.

Ever since I realized how boring being extra serious all day at work could be, I stopped! I try to create a more comfortable environment where I can get things done and laugh while working. Work feels less like work when you can laugh and joke around while producing.

Be who you are all of the time! Why not? It is freeing for one and the work day goes by much faster. When you spend your day at work miserable, it spills over into what times you are not at work. Who has time for that?!

So don’t be two-faced! Be you, all of the time. If you are funny, goofy, or silly, let your co-workers see that side of you. You never know who may need to see that to brighten up their day and make life seem a little easier to bear. Don’t go crazy and do it when you are supposed to be a little more serious, but do not deny yourself a smile or a little laughter and make yourself uncomfortable in your own body. Be you, release yourself from the filter and take the pressure off of everyone else. If you are a naturally quiet and serious person, you should probably try to lighten up too! twofaced1


I have no idea why I am feeling sad today

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach

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I know I am not the only one…but why do I FEEL like I am the only one that gets bummed like this? I know that at some point, everyone gets sad, stressed, or pissed about something! But today, I am alone in my sadness, I know it!

Not one of us has a perfect life. Yeah, on Facebook and other social media outlets, we look like we have no debt, no diseases or issues but that is a fantasy…we all have something going on that we wish wasn’t. I am not going to lie, I do not put a lot about my life on there; mostly fun things with the boys, an encouraging word, or a selfie of when I was feeling super sexy….oh, and vacationing of course! We have sick/dying loved ones, failed relationships, and other obstacles and setbacks in our lives-every single one of us and those things do not make it to social media. Whether it is major or minor, we all have our moments…days…or years of what we would call craziness.

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One thing that I am learning is that sitting around feeling sorry for myself has never made the situation improve, nor have I felt any happier doing it. I mean it is ok to not feel ok. Period! We all have our bouts with anxiety and depression, anger and disappointment. We can see that in the recent large amount of awareness of mental health and its importance. Allow yourself to feel what you feel then seek the help you need to in order to feel how you really want to feel.

Everyone is going through something, remember that.  I always see couples that look like they have these fabulous relationships on Facebook. Some actually do, the others just want us to think they do but they are living in pain and loneliness and don’t wanna look like a failure on the book. It takes a lot of check-ups and check-ins, communication, self-development, and effort to have a true, great relationship, even when everyone is not 100% happy.

I get so frustrated with all of my worries! Right now I have been trying to acknowledge

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that that is what they are, just worries, and half of the time the thing I am worried will happen doesn’t even happen. Own your worries! Don’t try to stop them. We should acknowledge them and as things happen, learn what we need to learn and keep it pushing.

I am guilty of spending a lot of time dwelling on the past and still worrying about what happened. I used to think over and over about what he said or what she did wrong. If we are still back there in our thoughts, we cannot be moving forward. We are a parked car. None of our worries, whether they are about the past or the future, will help us feel better, or get better for that matter.

DSC_2565Let us gain control of what we are thinking about and take the focus off of ourselves- at least all of the negative thoughts.  Work on changing those thoughts to positive ones or you can think about different ways to add value to the other people in your life. Talk to a stranger! I love talking to different people even if they have a view that I do not agree with. I am a journal writer so I say everyone should write daily about your feelings and your day. It always makes me feel better. Sometimes little things like that help, other times, things may be a little too heavy for that. Do whatever will make those hard times easier to manage ( but not the things that will make you dependent on them) so that you can get to the other side of the situation and say that you made it through.


Who are you?

whoami1You can think of a lot of words that describe you. When asked that question, a lot of people describe their work, or the titles they hold, like mom or wife, or student. However you decide to identify yourself, let it be your belief and not what someone else says. What happens when you really sit down and think about who you are or ask someone else to honestly describe you? Maybe you are lazy, stubborn, or kind. What about driven, successful, or prideful. We may not like every word that describes us but the good thing is we can change any of them, at any time. A stubborn person will not try to change anything about themselves. They will just say that that is just who they are. If they are rude to someone….part of who they are. When they are stalking a woman/man they like and they just laugh it off…part of who they are. Anger issues…yep, part of who they are.

whoami3I know that I am not the only person that knows someone who is like that. You know, that person that ask everyone they know for advice and when they hear that they should do something differently, they agree…but nothing changes. “That’s just the way that I am.” “You just have to accept that this is how I am.” This is a cop out to me! Being irrational, rude, hardheaded, and lazy (for example) are not traits that are essential for anyone’s character. These people continue to behave the same way because they are stubborn and comfortable with not changing. They have no idea or maybe they do not care about the feelings of the others that have to deal with them. Whatever traits you identify with as far as what you do, your nicknames, your sense of humor, or what I have you, if you plan to take root in those things, you are setting ourselves up. You are not that description! All are subject to change.

You have the great opportunity to be the decision maker when it comes to who you are. whoami2Every moment of your life, you are deciding how you are identified in the world. I know a lot of people will say that they do not care what people think but this cannot be true. We actually have a need for acceptance. If you have an employer, you need for them to see you a certain way in order to keep that job. If you own your business, you need people to think positively about your business to patronize you.  If you have a crazy or dry sense of humor, or you want to be scene has a mean person who take no sh$+, you are deciding to be seen that way to those you love. If ever you do not like how you are being seen to loved ones or yourself, you can get rid of that, and adopt something new.

We need to look at ourselves often and see what trait no longer serves who we wanna be at this present time. Do you see anything that you are not proud of? Change it! Admit it, either to yourself or to someone you trust, and change it. Do not be ashamed to change things that need changing. We grew up believing certain things because or our parents or the environment that taught us to believe those things. If they do not fit with your present values, work on changing things…this is probably harder because they are so ingrained in your head…it can still be done.

whoamiWe are forever growing physically, so we should want to be forever changing emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.  Aging is inevitable, growth is optional. Nothing worse than keeping company with someone who is still talking about and doing what they did 20 years ago. You need new friends……Change is good….GOOD change is good..