Posted in Lifestyle

How I Gave Up Good For Great

“To be given the gift of life is extraordinary and the best thing we can do is live it as fabulously as we can.” -Alex Kingston

Most people will never actually experience true success. Why? Because they are unwilling to actually take over the position of CEO of their life. They allow others to control what happens and what doesn’t happen in their lives.

Why are so many of us unwilling to take risks, to fail in public, and to have to start over after falling down? Some are just not willing to give up what is good for something GREAT! Let’s just say, some just cannot see giving up their “normal” life.

Giving up your “normal” life is not gonna be easy or painless, if you choose to. If we are looking to have an extraordinary life, we are gonna have to trade in what we are comfortable with. The journey of growing up…evolving…succeeding is more than likely going to be painful at some point.

The more we evolve into better versions of ourselves, the more comforts we may have to give up. We are going to look at our lives and reconsider the company we keep, the food we eat, how we spend our time and the things and people that we entertain. Giving up some of these things may sting us a little but in the long run, they won’t be missed because you will be too busy enjoying the fruits of your hard work and sacrifice. Most people just are not willing to give up those things for something better. It takes work; everyone is not there for it.

I took the Financial Peace class that Dave Ramsey has out not too long ago and his quote I can still hear in my head, ” Live like no one else, so later you can live like no one else.” This is a process but can be done. It is not easy but I have no regrets so far. I have had to start my financial freedom journey over many times but I am getting closer and closer to getting it right.

In order for any of us to be on the path to living an extraordinary life, we have to admit to our faults and what we need to give up. I had to finally admit some years ago that I did not have all of the tools I needed in order to “fix” the things in my life that needed to be fixed nor did I have the strength to leave places and people that were no good for my growth. I made the choice to go get counseling and it helped sooooo much! Over the past few years, I have been going through some tough emotional recovery from my past. There was a lot of emotional baggage that I was carrying around and I was making decisions in my present life based off of those hurts…a huge downward spiral! If I can be real with you now, my past was full of broken relationships, shame, guilt, and self-loathing and I did a good job covering it up with smiles and kindness toward everyone but myself. Going to counseling was one of the hardest struggles for me but it was one of my greatest decisions. I do still struggle , of course, but I can live an extraordinary life because I have dealt with my mess and stop letting it call the shots in my life.

I realized that if I wanted to live an extraordinary live, I would have to confront and resolve all of the things that kept me from doing it. We all have things that have happened in our past that may keep us from living our best life. Some of us deal with those things right away, others rather throw a blanket or band-aid over them and keep moving. That’s a sign of a “normal” life.

” Good is the enemy of great. And that is one of the key reasons why we have so little that become great. Few people attain great lives, in large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good life.” – Jim Collins.

You have to give up something in order to accomplish something else. If we want that extraordinary life, we have to look at what we need to give up in the short-term in order to have the life we dream of. It may mean giving up your favorite foods, seeing certain people in your life less, leaving a job, declining an opportunity, or even letting go of watching porn to connect with people. Who knows? You know!

All great opportunities costs us “good” ones.

We can’t have a normal life and an extraordinary one at the same time. You can’t have both; you have to choose.

3 things that I think most of us have to give up to have an extraordinary life.

  1. Security and Certainty. We all love our safety nets and the security we feel when we are living our normal life. We love our steady paycheck, the unhappiness of that 10 year relationship, that 9-5…. We don’t have to live this way forever though. If we give up the mundane things, not saying life will be perfect, but you will have more control over your life and actions, especially at the costs of having others calling the shots in your life. Take a risk and start writing that book or blog, start that business, go on a date with him/her…go on an adventure.
  2. Fear of Judgement. It is funny how if you post, ” I got the job” as your Facebook status, you will get lots of likes. If you post, ” I finally started my own business.” you will not get nearly as much engagement. Why is that? Most people are afraid to see someone achieve the dreams that they never did. You may be doing something they have only talked or dreamed about but never made a move. When they do not support you, they are more than likely protecting themselves from acknowledging that failure. They may not understand why you chose to leave the comfort and safety of your normal life… to live in an inconsistent, wild, frightening life full of uncertainty…and freedom. They will judge you, criticize and condemn you…you have to ignore them and keep reaching! Separating ourselves from the herd can be scary but we have to believe that we can do what we say we can.
  3. Someone else’s definition of success. Everyone’s definition of success is not the same. To most people, it has a lot to do with lots of money, fame, and possessions. There are many of people who have all of those things and more and still have empty and miserable lives. We see it all of the time when a celebrity is lost to drugs and suicide. No one can define your success but you. You will never reach your success if you allow others to define it. Define your own success and achieve it.

So really it is up to us to figure out what we need to sacrifice in order to have an extraordinary life. There is no concrete way for things to happen. The only thing we do know is that we have to make room for extraordinary. That means we have to let go of “okay”, “good” and comfortable.

Our relationships, finances, health, passions and our purpose being elevated all depend on us and what we make room for. The cost is gonna be great (as in big) but it will certainly be worth it….

Posted in Lifestyle

You Are Not Broken!

notbroken1For many years, I really spent a lot of time doubting myself. Always wishing that I had a different body or looked different, had a better financial situation or a different life.  It took me a moment but I did realize that I needed to accept myself, the way I was…right then.

We have to learn to acknowledge who we are…now…and accept that person…today…

Why do spend so much time and energy fighting the truth? We do it consciously and subconsciously. Why are we always wanting to be someone else, do something that someone else is doing, wanting to be a different person, look a different way, or carrying ourselves a different way? We really need to get to the point where we accept who we are.  There is a quote by Kurt Cobain, “wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.”

I listen to a lot of podcasts, read books, blogs, and all of that… We can do that all day! We can repost all the inspirational quotes and memes but that just is not going to make up for that lack of self-acceptance that we may have. IF we want to grow…we have to knowIMG_E1086 where we are now and accept ourselves.

So where can we start?

First of all…YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!

You cannot improve on what you have not accepted. Know that you are not broken. Have faith in this…Live by this!

We all have things that we do not like about ourselves. We have flaws and insecurities and hiccups happen in our lives. That does not mean that something is wrong with us. Even with all of our flaws and mishaps, we are enough! We have a purpose and can continue to grow into a better person.

Wanting to improve yourself is proof that you have power. Setting goals, wanting bigger and better, being inspired to want more….all motivating but we also have to accept who we are and appreciate where we are NOW and allow that to be the foundation for where we are headed. Thinking about our brokenness, whether it be physical, spiritual, emotional, etc, is never going to help you grow into the person you really want to be.

notbroken2Again…YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!

We can look at the things in our lives that we believe are not where they should be and want to make them better. That is ok. I have learned to stop ignoring the things that I don’t like about myself. I am working on acknowledging and accepting them, maybe even love them. Many try to hide or fix whatever we feel is flawed so that no one notices. I remember how stressful that was for me! What a heavy load to carry.  And for what?!

Eventually, you are gonna have to take the makeup off, remove the shapewear, or come clean about what you have experienced in your life. We are gonna have to admit it (whatever that is) and think about how much better you are going to feel once you do. Think about the cleansing…the weight lifted! That is what happens when you stop ignoring what you don’t like about yourself. Nothing wrong with dressing up and accentuating to look your best. I am saying that you should still love the person you are underneath all of the adornment.

So at the end of the year, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to change about myself. Not a resolution, just self-evaluating and looking to improve. I have a few times in the year that I do this; another day is my birthday. I look at where I am and think about where I wanna go next. Some of the things I wrote were…I am not confident, I need to work on this belly, I am not where I wanna be in my blogging…etc…That was me, putting my cards on the table, owning my thoughts…then I threw it away! Why, because I can accept DSC_2694where I am and work toward improving what I want to. I know it sounds silly to make the list but it was therapeutic for me. I also write down what I DO like about myself so that it doesn’t feel like a negative activity. Seeing it all on paper made it more real and helped me to accept what I love and what I do not like. I love my heart toward others, that I am generous, curious, motivated and empathetic….those things matter to me just as much as what I do not care for about myself. After all, it is the good and the bad (or our perception of good and bad) that makes us who we are right?

Take some time to get real with yourself. Confirm that you are that b*tch…flaws and all!

I am not always the best mom, friend, coworker…I am shy at times, not always confident, hardly ever bold, awkward, nerdy, and I don’t always like the way I look. BUT I am also a super caring, energetic, funny, curious, empathetic, powerful and kind woman and I own it ALL.

I am that b*tch! I am she…right now! Today! I am gonna own that ish…. (two snaps in a circle- I just aged myself right?)  I am not gonna ignore my flaws or hope that no one else sees them.

notbrokenJust thinking about it makes me feel stronger and frees me from the judgment of others and myself. I’m gonna move through my days with confidence and self-assurance. This girl is gonna stop judging herself and give my back to others when they attempt to pass judgment on me (your poo stinks too -shrugs).

We are in control of our thoughts and how we judge ourselves so watch what you say!

 

Own all of who you are…the good and not so good. Improve what you can and accept what is just part of who you are. You are THAT b*tch and you are enough and not broken. You are YOU! Own that and grow into who you are capable of becoming…

 

 

 

Posted in Lifestyle

I Stopped Chasing Perfection

perfectionI think have spent most of my adult life chasing a certain number in my bank account, a certain number on the scale…friends…careers…you know where I am going. I wanted everything that made me look like I had it all together. I know that I am not the only one.

SO….what “perfect” thing have you been chasing after?perfection2

  • the perfect person
  • the perfect body
  • the perfect career
  • the perfect love as only seen in movies
  •  other people’s approval
  • perfect physical successes such as money and thing

???? Have you gone crazy yet trying????

I QUIT!!! I really stopped chasing after the perfect versions of what I want in this life.  Now, I am not saying that wanting perfect, or more/better is wrong…actually, it is great! I am just not going to obsess about it.

What we see on television, social media, magazines, and in our environment and call perfection are not definite things. There will always be better, more, or more perfect versions of those things somewhere. When we are chasing that certain something, we are never going to be satisfied or feel accomplished or successful or whatever emotion you feel after you have it because it will not be enough once you have it. Perfection is just perfection1not attainable!  Only God is perfect…so I QUIT! I have taken off my shoes because I know that if I am chasing perfection, I will always be chasing perfection and that is no way to live your life.

I am, however going after what I want in this life. I have set my vision…even have a vision board! I am just not putting finish lines in my path that says, “this will be perfect” once I have it.

Nothing is perfect. There are no perfect people, jobs, no perfect time, body…and happiness won’t feel perfect and doesn’t last forever.

That should not make you sad…I am actually happy about that. My life now is about embracing the fact that my life is not and will not be perfect and that’s ok. I am embracing every bump, bruise, and dimple that makes me, me. Life is about falling in love with another imperfect person, embracing your imperfect self and heading into the sunshine and the storms together, not knowing how it will end and knowing that you will not be alone in it.

We live in an imperfect world and there are going to be many curves in the road along this journey.  Now that I have stopped chasing perfection and have opened my mind to my beautiful imperfect self, things are starting to just feel right. I live in my present and accept and embrace it for what it is…mine.

IADI1737

If you stop chasing this “perfect” person, someone will come into your life who is probably the total opposite of what you were looking for, but they are everything your soul needs.

If you stop chasing acceptance from everyone, you will have time to get to know you and fall in love with and clap for yourself.

If you stop chasing that “perfect” person’s body, you will have time to pursue your best health and be able to celebrate your growth and life change.

If you stop chasing money… you will discover that success can be found in places that you never even thought of.

In my quiet time, I learned more about myself and quieted my soul so that I could find out what I really needed. When I stopped chasing perfection, I found out what my soul needed. Amazing things happened when I stopped…and it is not easy. Now I appreciate what I do have, and I can truly say that I am happy.

perfection3We should not wait until our lives are perfect before we fall in love with living…that is never going to happen! We should love the gift of life in spite of the flaws that it shall bring because we know it will not be perfect. We need to live in spite of a life that is far from perfect. We should live boldly and maybe even a little wild with a hunger for our deepest desires.

It is what life is all about right?!

Posted in Lifestyle

I’m Outgrowing People and That’s Ok

outgrowingpeopleAs we get older..we tend to outgrow things. We have outgrown our clothes, our tastes and there are certain things that we just aren’t going to do anymore. Have you outgrown Santa and the tooth fairy? Maybe you have outgrown wrestling your younger siblings or dainty little tea parties (can’t say that I have!)…it happens.

Let’s go a little deeper…we have also outgrown some of our fears right? What about some limitations? You are not afraid to fly alone anymore or swim. There is so much more to add to that list. So why are we holding back when it’s time to walk away from people that we have outgrown?

Why are we not embracing the space we are in mentally, physically, spiritually, and/or emotionally and wanting to see the same thing in the people closest to us? Why are we so afraid to let go of the ones who do not serve us? Why waste time giving our energy to them?

We are out here adulting and stuff and I am sure that you, like me, have gotten to the outgrowingpeople3point where we know who we are and who we desire to be. I don’t know about you but I NOW know what it is like to appreciate myself and invest in me and it feels so good.

Regardless of how your mind works, life will always move forward. We can do the same as we grow up and get to know ourselves better. We have to embrace the fact that as our lives change, so will our circles. There is absolutely no reason for us to sit around and wait for other people to catch up with us.

It is OK to outgrow people!

It is not selfish, or spiteful, or mean to do this. We owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward and everyone cannot come with us to the next space. Sorry, not sorry.

outgrowingpeople1Outgrow people who do not know your value, or pretend to not know…

Outgrow people who are not genuine with you and treat you like you are replaceable…

Outgrow people that do not appreciate you…

Outgrow people who are accepting of part of you and not all…

Outgrow people who do not support who you are and what you are trying to do…

Outgrow people who do not talk to you unless its for a favor or the latest gossip…

Outgrow people who do not want to grow themselves…

Now I wouldn’t go making list or anything of said people. My thoughts are to just realize what you do not need in your life right now. Look at how much you have grown over these years! Let’s keep that growth moving by letting people leave when they try or walking away from people that leaving you feeling anything less than fabulous when they are in your presence or even text and messages. You know that feeling…you seeoutgrowingpeople2 their name and your heart starts racing or you roll your eyes…yeah that one.

We don’t even have to be mean about it. We can simply move on. Move on from the one-sided relationships, people that only hit you up when they have “tea to spill” or want to borrow from you and all of those people who do not appreciate you but “keep in touch”. They are all draining and you can tell from the way you feel when you finally hang up or walk away….RUN!!!!

Remember, that there is nothing selfish about walking away from what doesn’t serve you.

IMG_0925Sometimes, we have outgrown people without even realizing we have. Make it real by walking away. Let me say this…even though you are moving on from whatever, you are not losing it because you cannot lose what it once gave you. You once received from them and it helped you grow, it gave you comfort and taught you many things.  Take the lesson with you!

For this upcoming year, but I have already started, it is time for me to make my circle resemble my growth! I am outgrowing and moving on from people and environments that don’t see my value, invest in my growth, and those that are ALL TALK. My prayer is that you step away from the fear of losing and do the same. We all deserve to live our best life surrounding by people that can see our worth and will hold us accountable…truly love us unconditionally.

Posted in Lifestyle

Never Worry About “Laundry” Again!

 

laundry1So I am sitting in my closet looking around for something to throw on to run to the store for ingredients to make the icing (yes, I want a cupcake or two…or 24!). I doubled back to this set of drawers that has the jeans that I was wearing last night laying on top of it. Does anyone else have a “laundry spot”? I mean a chair, table, spot on the bed or whatever that they put their clothes that are not dirty “enough” to wash but you don’t hang or fold them up? Guilty!

It had me thinking about some of the issues I have that I need to deal with but I just let them pile up in a little corner to deal with when I have the “energy”. We cannot hope that those things just stay in the corner and never come out again.

It is time to do the “laundry” ya’ll!! I know that at some point, everyone does this. I can’t possibly have stumbled onto something new. We all have things that we need to deal with in our lives. We have those things that we would rather bury and/or put off for another day. I am really starting to see that I feel so much better about myself and my life when I just force myself to deal with those things.

adult alone anxious black and white
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

If you have people and experiences in your life that force you to get your life together and deal with the hard things, those are the ones that you should lean into. They are FOR you and your growth and success. I feel like these people and experiences are for our healing. They may make us uncomfortable while forcing us to face our issues but when we come out on the other side of that thing,…Shining!

What is meant for us, is truly meant for us, whether we see it as good or not-so-good. The person, that job/career, that illness, that state, that calling… it’s yours!  We might as well face it and do what we need to do to make it a thing that we can be at peace with.

Alright so let’s start talking about what you have been putting off. What is it? Paying bills or breaking up with him/her? What are the issues you have been piling up in the chair or corner like yesterday’s laundry? Afraid to commit to something or is it time to leave that job and chase your dreams of being an entrepreneur? We all have our own.

laundryWhat is your next move?

Is it time to have that relationship talk with someone?

Time to confront your boss about a few things?

Time to have an honest conversation with someone who calls themselves a friend? Guilty!

Start that workout plan and tweak your diet? YUP!

There are people around us that will support the promises and ultimatums that we have made for ourselves if we share them…with the right people, of course. There are steps that we can take that will get us on the right track to getting our shhhhh together. For me, it is time that I get moving. What about you?

food journal
diary of food eaten throughout the day when on a diet (shallow DOF)

Ok, so I will share something that I have been “sitting” in the corner. I have not been happy with how I am feeling. I have been tired a lot and I am low on energy. I honestly have been to the gym sporadically and I can feel it. I also recently moved and if you have ever been in this space, you know what happens when you move. OTHER people feed your family!! You eat at every drive-thru you can find because it is so much easier…plus they packed all of your cooking supplies. Anywho…I was eating BAD! Now I am staring at a food log and workout log that I should be using one of my pretty purple gel pens to fill out but ummmmmmm….. I am tired of feeling the way I do so I am done being lazy!

Today is the day! It is time that I stop with the distractions and deal with my stuff. Now, most of it seems to be little and insignificant but they all add up and I could have been much farther if I had just moved my butt.  Today is the day to face those issues and move toward how things should be. I like peace and I love that feeling of having things taken care of.

laundry2Sometimes we do not face issues because we just do not know how to approach them. We do not know where to start. I cannot tell you what to do or how to do it, but I  can tell you that pushing it to the side will not make things better. You cannot just pile all of your questions and issues into a corner. The best thing that we can do for ourselves is to think about some actions that we can take that will help us get to solutions. Take those actions and if we fail…think of another possible solution.

IMG_0948For me, that is the first step to overcoming my issues. I have to talk to the people and do the things that make me nervous or scared because they usually are what I need to face my issues. So, whatever those actions are, do them. Whoever those people are, talk to them…soon!

Actually, just do it now. It takes the load off of your shoulders (and your laundry chair) and gets things taken care of. There is nothing better than handling your business and freeing yourself of the things that are hidden.