Happy, Not Happy

happynothappy2Sometimes life throws us curve balls. And sometimes those curve balls put us in dark and lonely places. Maybe you received some bad news, a loved one is lost, you are in pain, a break up, or you are just having a bad day at work. Anything can happen! None of these things are favorable, true, and no one would be thinking about being happy in the middle of such terrible situations. When we experience these things we ask questions like… Why God? Will things ever get better? Why me?

When we are going through,  we may be able to fix these situations….other times, we cannot do anything about them. This does not necessarily mean that we can’t find happiness and look for that silver lining in the middle of our pain. Happiness is always possible. It is a choice and no person, material item, or experience should have the power to control your happiness.

It is definitely possible to be happy while going through. We just have to learn a new coping skill or two….or three… four (shrugs)…

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  • First of all, I believe we need to see our pain as a sign that we are alive! We have to acknowledge it, feel it…see it, for real. We cannot allow ourselves to go numb or try to avoid the feeling. It does hurt, life does…but we can push through. Being alive means that we will feel love, fear, excitement, joy….even pain. Life is going to give us all of the ups and downs that come with living. Life can be an incredible journey if you really stop to think about it.
  • Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Most people want to get away from pain once it starts. They ignore it, use things and people to comfort them from the pain, lash out, and other ways to distract themselves. Its human! But once we escape the pain, we realize that it was temporary. Life has a way of allowing those things to revisit us to perfect our character. All it does is prolong the issue and a lot of times make the pain worse. Allow yourself to feel the pain and tell yourself that your feelings are valid. Pause and go ahead and feel the intensity of it. Then realize that it didn’t kill you and and this is where the healing and growth begins.happynothappy4
  • Gratitude….I have a gratitude journal that I keep in my purse because my days can be crazy and the beautiful things may slip through the cracks. The smell of fresh flowers, the smile on his face, the sound of laughter, or touch of silk sheets, your breath….these are some of the things you can find gratitude for….even this moment. Find three things that made your heart smile and write them down, no matter how small. We have to learn to be immersed in the moment, be fully alive and aware of the experiences we are having. We have so much to be grateful for, the big and the small. We take things for granted like our very eyesight and the touch of a loved one, or even just having a relationship with them.
  • Realize that you are alive! You are…feel your pulse. When we are in our worst moments we can take a deep breath and realize that we are alive enough to have had that experience, heard that news, or said goodbye to that person. We can find joy in knowing that at the very least, we are alive to go THROUGH what we are going through.

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This is hard, trust me I know. I have had a lot of negative experiences, great and small. There is no magic to this but we can make an effort to try to feel some happiness by remembering the good moments and smiling through while we heal.

Bad things happen, that is our reality. No one’s life is perfect and we are all allowed to be unhappy at times. Although most of these things are out of our control, if we have the right perspective, we will find a little happiness in the not-so-happy times.

Strong Enough

strongenough5No more barefoot and pregnant for us!! Everyday we (women) continue to lift the glass ceiling; we are making waves in every industry across the board these days and the world is taking notice. We no longer have to depend on our men to take care of us( although we will not deny him the right to do so). We are strong and have the ability to go after what we want with or without a man by our side. There are strong and independent women taking the world by storm everyday and there does not seem to be any stopping this wave.

A man that wants to date or marry a strong woman needs to understand what he is asking for. She is like no other and can seem intimidating at first but if he gets over that, he can learn her and figure out how to win her over. She is still a woman, soft and sensual, but her strength can be even sexier. Wanna keep up with her? Here are a few things you should know about us…..yes I said us because I am indeed a strong woman!

  • Strong women want a man that is just as strong as she is. You have to be drivenstrongenough1 to accomplish things, have some dreams and the drive to work toward your goals. It is very hard for a strong woman to settle for a mediocre man, although some have slipped through the cracks. You live and you learn though right?
  • Strong women want a man who can trust her. Trust is important in any relationship, especially with a strong woman. He cannot be insecure or controlling! He has to trust her to make the right decisions and allow her the space she needs to act on her own…support her. Do not try to control what she does and says.
  • He has to have a sense of humor. Strong women tend to be a little more serious than others. She is so focused on her goals and can get stressed pushing toward them. She needs a man that will bring some laughter and light to her life. Having a sense of humor is a big bonus for a strong woman. Strong women tend to cry behind closed doors so she needs this attribute in her man.
  • Can you respect her freedom? A strong woman values her freedom. Her individuality is important to her and she needs the space to pursue her dreams and be her authentic self. Her man has to understand that about her. Respect her boundaries or she will be waving goodbye to you!
  • strongenoughA strong woman loves to be challenged. He has to be able to challenge her in all areas of her life. Men that are complacent and looking to just chill through life are a “no no” for her. She is going to push her man to be his best so she is expecting the same from her love. She wants a partner that is going to inspire her to always shoot for the stars.
  • Can you take care of yourself? A strong women is not going to be with a man that is looking for a comfortable life. It is hard for her to respect a man who is not capable of taking care of himself. Period.
  • Be her cheerleader! You have to push her toward her dreams. Remind her of her “why” when she wants to give up. DO NOT be a stumbling block or hurdle while you walk with her on her way to greatness.

The presence of a strong woman can be intimidated to a lot of men. Some just do not know how to deal with an alpha woman in a relationship. A lot of men are receptive to submissive women who will bend at their will. Times have certainly changed and we are starting to call the shots now. Only the strong and confident, open-minded man can handle the woman boss.

strongenough3If a man chooses to be with a  strong woman, he better strap in tight because the ride is  going to be a bumpy and beautiful one, but worth every bump.  If you have what it takes to be with a strong woman, she will see that and she knows how to step back and let you lead. Submission is not a problem. Submission to anyone other than a leader is not going to happen.

 

You Only Live Once (YOLO)

YOLO2Would you please stop worrying about what people think of you! It is hard. I have to admit that. In a very…very….small, minute way I do worry about what people think of me. I am also learning that what they do think of me is their issue, not mine. We all want people to see the good side of us and think highly of our character and actions. There are certain people that no matter what we do or how we say something, we will never be seen positively in their eyes. It is just not going to happen. There is just something about us that rubs them the wrong way. That is their issue. I think that is okay.

For me (once upon a time) I had no filter. My delivery was straight, no chaser! Filter was on -100 and I was fine with that. I felt like it was an honest answer and who can ask for anything more right?! I just thought that people should not ask if they really didn’t want to know. Maturing as I am now, I am learning to remember who I am delivering to. Everyone cannot handle transparency. Everyone cannot handle the truth, especially if the delivery is not padded. So as I grow, I am learning and I can communicate with just about anyone and give it to them the way they need it….uuummmmm the information (blank face). Anyway!!! That is for another blog…

I used to worry so much about what someone would say about my hair when I startedIMG_7808 going natural, or my clothes when I was feeling fat and thought I was not looking so good. I walked around wondering what people were thinking when they looked at me and of course, it was always something negative. I worried about it all from if they would catch me trip over my own feet, to me saying something stupid that would hush the crowd after a good laugh. I was way too self-conscious. I mean I was wondering so much about what others were thinking that I was missing out on the experience of whatever I was supposed to be enjoying. What a waste! Then I found out….NO ONE REALLY CARES!!!

Seriously. In all actuality, most people do not care what we are wearing or what we look like. They are not caring, staring, or..well they are probably judging but they do not give us as much thought as we are thinking they do. We all have had the embarrassing moments happen to us like tripping over our feet, having food in our teeth, or saying something silly or not-so-funny…food flying from our mouths when we are trying to eat and talk…we are human. So do not feel like you are being branded because you were caught slippin’. People are probably not watching us as much as we think.  We cannot be afraid of it all because “to ere is human” right?

YOLO1Looking at it another way, we need to shrug off the people that do judge and realize that their opinion is not important.  We have to be bold enough to express ourselves in word, deed and our outer appearance.  Not just anyone should be able to approach you and say whatever they want. A lot of times our outer appearance influence other’s behavior toward us, even if it shouldn’t, it does so we have to be mindful. Has anyone else went a whole day wearing their shirt inside out and no one told you?! Yes! My hand is raised. But you know what? Not one person mentioned it. They paid more attention to our conversations and the experience that we were having. It was not important to them or me. I did not find out until I got home…and I got a good laugh out of it but I didn’t let it bother me. Not having that nagging feeling that people are examining me, waiting for me to slip up is gone. Who cares!

Now that I am more confident, I can interact with anyone without worrying about what they are thinking. My days are so much better because I can actually be a part of what is happening around me, mindful of the beautiful little things that I was missing before. My days are so much more beautiful, meaningful. I mean, I do still think about the opinions of others and I do check my mirror throughout the day but it is different now. No one’s opinion of me matters more than my own and their judgments do not define me. I know who I am and I absolutely love her… I mean ME!

I believe that we should just live a life that we can be proud of. A life that contains people that support what we love. For me, that is my family, Faith, and a few friends. I love to travel, plan events, and play around in the beauty and fashion industry. If there is a person in my very small circle that has a problem with my loves, they should probably keep it to themselves or exit stage left. I do my best to live a life that shows my children that I love my God, my family and what I do for a living so that the career fields that they choose to “work” in will not feel like work at all. That was always important to me. I never want to dread going to my place of employment. Do what you love and love it out loud. Say what you want to say (being mindful of the receiver of course) with confidence. We have to know that people are going to care, stare, and judge. So what! They may point and laugh or even look at you strangely, but you are being you. Not trying to be any fake copy of some reality star or anyone else in your world. You…. a designer original (that is what I call myself) are the only one that can do it like you. So just do it….YOLO

 

Girl’s night is a MUST DO!

images (1)For some of us, it is not a problem to be alone. We like ourselves and the company we keep. This is not to say that we do not like being around others. It is just that we have taken the time to get to know who we are as an individual so we do not always need others to make us feel wanted, needed, or loved. Its a good place to be, honestly. There is a special feeling you have when you are alone and content with it. But we need our girls!! I have to admit that. I have to share my day, my “girlie” conversations, my woes and all! I mean, can you imagine a life without true friendship? I cannot and would not want that for anyone. Whether you are single, in a relationship, engaged, or married, you need a regular standing girl’s night with the women in your life. Friends add color to our lives. They lift our spirits, and are there when we have special moments and dark times. We should celebrate each other often and get together for a good time.

Why do we need a standing girl’s night? IMG_4458

  • To Escape. Did you have a long week? Is the boss giving you trouble? Fight with your lover or the children driving you mad? A night out with the girls will relieve some stress as you get caught up in laughter, banter and chatter.
  • Bonding. With all of the social media and texting that we can do to stay connected, nothing is better than face to face contact. Being able to see a person’s face as they share or receive information makes communication so much better and you bond over the good and the struggles of life. Human contact is necessary and it helps us to be able to “feel what you/others are saying”.
  • Dressing up. A lot of us do not have to get dressed up to go to work. Stay-at-home, work-at-home, independent contractors all get to “work” in their pajamas. Then there are others who are free to wear what they want in their career outside of the home, so when we talk about having  girl’s night out, we HAVE to dress “to the nines” as they say. Spending time getting all cutesy makes us feel good…sexy…feminine and it gives a tease to your love when they see you in action, and they are looking forward to your return.
  • Checking In. Now that we have grown up and have families of our own, we rarely actually talk on the phone, let alone get a chance to get together to look at another adult. It is definitely therapy to get a chance to “check in” with our friends. We want to find out how they are really doing, not what they are telling Facebook, or laughing and just giving them hug can make a world of difference for us all.
  • To Have Space. Yes, we love our partners, children, and our home, but we do need some “ME” time. There is nothing wrong with having a healthy balance of together time, alone time and social time.

Being a mother and/or wife can take a toll on us at times. Taking the time to get in touch with your girlfriends and share “war” stories and femininity can really heal your emotional wounds. This is a time where you can be free to finally say how you really think and feel about life and love. It also encourages those feelings of wild abandon and camaraderie with the ladies that you know feel just like you do. You do not have to hide, you can relax, be you, and know that you are accepted for being the weird and quirky person that you are.

Being with women that you know truly love and support you is like a breath of fresh air. When you come back from a few hours of their company, it feels like you just came back from a short getaway; it refreshes your mind, it fuels for the soul, and when mom is happy everyone is happy right?! Being with my girls reminds me of how much fun it is to be woman and an adult.

Some ideas for your next girl’s night…

  • Wine tasting party
  • “Bachelorette party” at a bar or club (even if no one is getting married)
  •  Window shop and have lunch
  • Old school sleepover (Sex in the City, facials, gossip, drinks, and do not be the first one to fall asleep!)
  • WII Dance competitionIMG_3605
  • Craft/Terrarium party (DIY night)
  • You tube makeup/hair tutorial night
  • Favorite dinner and a movie
  • Groupon something you have never done before (I found a great pole dancing class!)
  • Have a girl’s night IN theme party (these are my favorites)
  • Plan a cruise if you need a little more time

Enjoy!!!!