Misconceptions = Missed Opportunities

misconceptionsNo matter who you are, relationships are very important for you. Close relationships, either family or long-time friendships, are what we build our perceptions on life from. We all see things through our own special “lenses” and make our own stories from our experiences. With that being said, most of our time is spent with the people that have a direct impact on how we see the world around us.

Because we are all imperfect, we will sometimes fall short on seeing love as it truly is. The people in our lives may hurt us or we may hurt them and then comes judgment. But we do not just judge the action, we judge the person and love itself…we may even throw in the towel and quit the person and LOVE altogether. How many times have you heard someone say, “I am through with love” just because of their experience with one person?

There are so many misconceptions about love and relationships and I think we can tackle a few of them now so that we can learn to love people where and how they are, in turn loving ourselves. misconceptions4

For one, you do not have to agree about everything! In my experience, when there are differences, and mature communication, the relationships are strengthened, examined, and value is added to each person when you are free to say how you feel without judgment. If your loved one cannot speak their opinion without you feeling the need to change their opinion, is that an act of true love or control? We do not have to debate with people just because they do not see life the way we do. It actually makes life more interesting to see a situation through the eyes of a loved one and it can bring us closer to them.

Why is it that we would rather be the one whose right than be the person who asks questions to gain an understanding of another’s opinions? I think a lot of people love to hear themselves talk and do not have time to listen. While this person is talking away, they are missing out on the chance to see the other person’s ideas; see where they are misconceptions1coming from, and therefore get a different perspective. From my recent encounters, I feel like we are losing the beauty of an actual deep conversation. I don’t mean all…but I do mean some…In any conversation we have, we should look to be enlightened some instead of looking for the moment to tell someone what to do or say or how to be. Instead of being so combative, we should ask more questions ( except surface talk…I cannot stand surface conversation for more than a minute.) to find out more. In doing so, it may change the way we see things and we may find out that we are not as right about something that we thought we had figured out.

Another misconception about relationships is that humility makes you weak! Because we all have different opinions about things, there is bound to be some shaky ground when we are having conversations with others. Many of us have believed something for so long that the standard of thinking that we have will never change (or it seems that way). Not many will admit it but I think that a lot of people want to change someone’s mind about what they believe without even wanting to know why they believe what they do. They don’t know what the other person has gone through or the experiences that have impacted their view of the world. They just want the person to agree with their views…narcissism at its finest.

We have no reason to look down on or speak negatively about ourselves. We do have tomisconceptions2 be careful not to think too highly of ourselves though. It can be dangerous if we are “getting high off our own supply” and thinking that we can do no wrong. Humility attracts people that want to share and dialogue. Humility takes us away from seeing ourselves as “perfect” and encourages dialogue…giving us an opportunity to add value to each other.

People are different and that is one thing in life that we cannot avoid. Why try to avoid it anyway? We should embrace and try to understand the differences that we have. Gaining understanding helps to reveal the beauty that really does still exist in this world and makes every day a special and unique. We should not assume that we cannot give love to people that do not look, act, or think the way that we do. That’s lame and can leave us lonely if we get extra literal about it. More importantly, is that what love looks like? There is gonna be friction involved when we are dealing with other people. We can learn to respect the differences and let others be free to be themselves in our presence…especially because we want that same thing from them.

There is a problem with us wanting people to think the way we do. I get it…it is your world and in your world, you are always right! We need to embrace everyone with their different thoughts and beliefs…make a big ol’ unity salad! (yes, I am hungry)….anyway…how boring would the world be if we all thought the same, had the same interest and whatever else…clones…boring! I guess people wouldn’t look down on misconceptions3each other or talk negatively…still would be boring. Wanting others to be just like you ruin the chance for diversity, unity, civil dialogue…and growth!

Allow people to be who they are around you. You will deepen your friendships and relationships and find out so much more about who they really are. You may even find out who you really are! You may also find yourself sharing more about you. Adding value to each other is an important part of what deep relationships are all about.

Why Your Squad May Be Hurting You

SquadgoalsOk, so let’s talk about your squad. I am proud to say that I am an introvert but I am a timely social butterfly when life calls for it. At the same  time, I would love to have a squad like that show “Girlfriends.” They had a little bit of everything and that is what friendships are all about.

We do tend to have a wide variety of people in our lives. I have some people that I have communicated with since younger than high school days, people that I have worked with (past and present) that I still talk to, family/friends, and church associates that have squadgoals3become more. I mean, we all should have that one friend that you should never put on speakerphone (this would be me), the one that is always down to eat or shop, and the spontaneous one who is always down to do something crazy.

One thing on the list of changes that I wanna see in my life for this year was having a positive vibes only circle. I mean truthfully, we are all going to have experiences that are trying and cause not-so-positive feelings, but having a squad that you can count on to bring you out of depression and add value to your life is a gold mine.

Consider who your people are…and what you actually need. Then think about this… yousquadgoals2 are a reflection of the people that you surround yourself with.

That means you need to think about who you want to be…Do you want to be positive? Driven? An entrepreneur? A go-getter? Empowered? That means that you need to get around those that are where you want to be or are working on going in the same direction so that you can motivate each other and hold one another accountable.

Take stock. Look at your closest friends and ask yourself if they challenge you, elevate you, listen to you, hold you accountable, or add value to you. Remember that the people squadgoals4that you are spending most of your time with are the ones that will impact your mindset so you have to make sure that you are on common ground for the most part if you are ready to grow and have that positive mindset. Do not invest your time in people that drain you or drag you down. Do not listen to people that tell you that you are dreaming too big or that you cannot do something. Weed those suckers and dream-killers out of your immediate circle.

Positive Vibes Only!!!!

Sometimes it is hard for us to see the ones that are draining us. Check on yourself after you have spent a little time with your friends/family or after a phone conversation. How do you feel? Are you drained, sad, worrying? If they are one of those people that you roll your eyes at when their name comes across your phone..they are one of THEM!

squadgoals1We have to stop allowing negative thoughts to set up camp in our brains. They are going to come but that does not mean they can stay. And that means the negative people as well! If it or they are not going to add to you and help you be your best self…they need to keep their distance. Spend less time with them! Don’t answer every call, especially when you are having an excellent day. Do not get me wrong, none of us is perfect, but we can work toward having what we need in order to be who we desire to be. Paying attention to who is surrounding us is an act of self-love and self-care so do not feel guilty for creating a space between you and them.  We want to spend most of our time with people who inspire us, encourage us and enrich our lives.

IMG_2120I need a squad around me that consistently build me up and add value to me. I deserve that because that is the kind of friend that I am. I truly want to be surrounded by a bunch of beautiful badass women! There are so many of you out there and you deserve the same. Choose wisely. There is no rush. Where you are going, not every friend you presently have is equipped to go, know that. And that is ok!

You should want your friends to be whole and happy and they should want the same for you. You should want those same friends to not be afraid to call you out on your BS because you would give them the same. They should be ready to celebrate with you, mourn with you, and push you when you get lazy. When you have friends that support you and check on you, and even tell you when you are being an ass, you have everything…Congratulations!

Don’t Let Your Feelings Define You

definingyourself2The idea of being in tune with your feelings is not a bad thing. My only problem with feelings is when someone gets so far IN them that they allow those feelings to define them. When your emotions are so overpowering that you lose control, it is like you are saying that the situation you are facing is what you are accepting…you are settling for that and if it is not building you or others up, helping you grow, or kind to you or anyone else, you should not accept it because it is not serving good to your spirit. One of the current sayings out there that I just do not agree with is, “it is what it is.” I do not know why but it just does not sit right with me. It almost has a quitter connotation with it and that is just one thing that I cannot relate with.

We have to learn to separate our emotions from reality. This has been one hard lesson for me but I had to stop taking everything so personally. We should not believe that we are defined by our emotions.

Think about the things we say to ourselves…

“I am boring”definingyourself1

“I am not good enough”

“I have no one to support me”

“I am alone because no one wants to be around me”

All of those feelings are just that, feelings. They are not real/true and we have to remember that feelings are fickle and temporary (thank God) and tomorrow is another day, heck…it can change within the next couple of seconds! Whatever negative things like the above statements that you are telling yourself…STOP!

If I can speak for myself, at one time or another, these are all things that I have said to myself, among other things that were not self-serving. I know now that this is not how I show love to myself so it is something that I am changing and I get better at it every day. I would not let anyone else say these things to me so why was I doing it to myself?! I use to be so timid and my self-love was at an all-time low but I can say that I have grown and I know better so I am doing better.

definingyourself4We may feel these things at some time or another but we have to know that it is an emotion and we will not feel that way forever. We can feel these emotions but we do not have to be them.

You can feel alone…but know that you are not or it will not be that way forever.

You can feel like you are not good enough for someone. Maybe they are the wrong one. You will not always feel that way. And make sure that you know that you are good enough for YOU.

We are allowed to feel what we feel, just to not make that feeling define who we are as a person.

Any feeling we have can and will change!

Remember that feelings are fleeting and can change in a manner of seconds. This is also why we should be careful not to speak or react out of our feelings.

We should listen to our hearts and our gut, recognize what we are feeling and work todefiningyourself3 think our way into another direction if those feelings are not kind. Sure, we can feel lonely, sad, angry, defeated, or whatever, we are entitled to that. We do have to also remember that it does not serve us to be unkind to ourselves so yes, you may be lonely but you are not a lonely person…get out there and be around others and separate yourself from that emotion. You may be sad or feeling defeated but you are not going to be defined as a sad or defeated person. You can change what you are feeling by responding differently.  Get out there and doing something you have always wanted to do, or try it again, do something that brings a smile to your face.

When you have negative emotions, you can always put something into action that can make that feeling whittle away. Those emotions do not have to define you. They are real and you have every right to feel them but if they are not helping you to grow and feel worthy of love, you need to save yourself from yourself and take action to get your emotions in line with who you know you are and/or can be. definingyourself

 

 

 

The Hulu Original Shrill

ShrillOh My Goodness!!! So I ran into this show browsing through HULU. Now I was definitely not expecting it to be so good but I started with episode 1 and did not stop until the last episode. There were so many funny moments and unexpected ones as well. What I really LOVE about the show is the main character, Annie. She wants to change things in her life but her body is not one of them. She is a plus-size woman that is trying to start her career and has to deal with a perfectionist boss. Meanwhile, she has a sick parent, she’s juggling a few bad lovers, and all the while trying to embrace her size and love the skin she is in.

This show made me smile, cringe, cheer, and drop a tear or two because it is so relatable. We now live in a time where we are beginning to Shrill3acknowledge the plus size community and this show is confronting all of the bad blood that was so present in the past…even still today. 

This show definitely reminded me that although I am not picture perfect to everyone, I definitely belong in the place and space I am in. I still struggle with being completely comfortable in my skin but when I saw Annie “get free” in the pool scene, I saw myself. Sometimes we Shrill2just have to say, F$%k it!!!! This summer I am coming out of my thoughts and rocking my clothes. You know, the ones we buy, try on at home, but never wear them outside because we are worried about the judgement of petty people. The dresses and swimsuits are coming out of hiding! 

Shrill will bring you out of your shell and let you see that you are perfect just the way you are. We all want to get to the point where are comfortable in our own skin, not wishing that we had someone else’s.

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If you have ever felt unattractive or have had someone insult you about your size, you will absolutely love this show. Annie is a hero that speaks up boldly and honestly and touches the heart of all who is listening. This show is hilarious, brave, sad, and triumphant as it takes on culturally sensitive topics like casual sex, birth control, body shaming…even abortion. It is refreshing and honest and I cannot wait to watch season 2!

 

Happy Birthday To Me!

happybirthday

This year has been all about me trusting myself. I was really bad at doing that. I have to confess that I did not trust myself and I was a severe overthinker. I am using year 46 to trust myself and use my time doing as opposed to thinking about doing.

In other words, I am saying “F” it!

img_1584.jpgI am going to do it, say it….travel, wear, write, fly, love…do whatever it is that I am always thinking about doing.

I know that I am not the only one over here that rarely takes immediate action. No…I know better! I overthink and overthink and overthink…you probably do too!

When we overthink, we are letting ourselves know that we do not trust our gut. If we are not listening to our gut, we end up paralyzed by things we do not have or characteristics we have not developed yet, the things you have yet to win or receive, and the happiness that you have been hoping for. Overthinking makes us focus on what we do not have and what we are not. Not cool…I quit! Know what else? It leads to nothing getting done…even worse.

When I finally decided, on Christmas Day, that I was gonna say “F” it to overthinking and start listening to my gut, I pay more attention to what I can control and what I already have. I have become more positive, more grateful, and life seems so much more simple.

How am I learning to trust myself more?

First I listen to podcasts! One of my very favorites is Having it A.L.L by Michael Bivens.

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He recently did a Trust Challenge and I joined it. I had so much fun and it was more than an eye-opening experience. I learned so much about myself and I have been continuing on and trusting myself even more now than I ever have. Look him up! His podcast is awesome and you will not be sorry.

I am learning to act when I come up with an idea. Research something, do something that supports the idea so that it does not just sit there and fade into the background. The more time I wait, the more doubt sets in…I question myself and start to focus on what I do not have and how I fall short. Not happening anymore!!! “F” that!

When we put actions to our thoughts, the experience itself will trump everything else. Experience will replace the thoughts of coming up short. When you get an idea..act!! The more we practice, the more tools we gain to add to our tool belt of experience. Doing this, happybirthday1you find out how right your gut can be. I know that since I have begun this journey, I have to stop wasting time worrying and just do what I feel will add to who I am. No more limits!

I have to tell you that this season of my life had been so freeing! I am liberated and have lifted the burden of overthinking and I am in the process of being free from it. I have so much more positive energy and I absolutely love who I am becoming. I am no longer wasting time on things that I cannot control or scenarios that do not matter.

Happy Birthday to ME!!!XGJI6585

 

 

 

Tell Me How You Really Feel

howifeel4Question… What do you really think of yourself?

Do you love yourself? Do you think highly of yourself? Are you pleased with the way you think, act, speak, and look? Seriously, do you like the things that make you who you are?

I am asking because I recently had to ask myself those questions and when I thought about it, I kind of shrieked a bit! I am really big right now in getting to know myself and I was wondering if you know how important that is for us all. Yes, getting to know you is a long, drawn-out mission that is going to take you the rest of your life…it is, after all, part of the reason we are here.

How we see ourselves is a big part of what tells us how happy, frustrated, angry, or pleased we are in general.

We are complicated people, but do not give up on getting to know yourself! I mean, whohowifeel2 wants to just wake up and float through life, not standing for anything, or having a goal to push through and live out their dreams. I am all about going for and doing what you love. What is the saying? “Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life.” That is my goal. God wakes me up every morning…my dreams are what get me out of bed to chase them in order to live a beautiful life and leave a legacy for my children. If you do not know yourself, waking up is probably a chore and eventually, you will dim your inner fire, that thing that gets you out of bed.

I don’t know about you, but I wanna know myself…everything! I want to understand what makes me tick so that I can make the choices that get me to a place of happiness and I can have a fulfilled life. I am still working on getting to know myself like I said, it is going to take a lifetime. I am learning that what has been helping me grow the most has been spending time alone. It is something that I need to do more often. I know…yeah, yeah, that does sound cliche, but seriously, it’s a must-do!

howifeel1Are you even comfortable being alone?

I know a few people that cannot stand to be alone. They have to have company until they fall asleep, they have to be on the phone with someone, in a room talking with someone, almost like they can’t stand the thought of spending time with the most important person in their lives…them.

Are you comfortable with just doing your own thing? just being alone…with just you and your thoughts?  Sounds kind of dangerous depending on who you are I’m sure but alone time is BOMB! It affords you the opportunity to really get to know you, while you are being your authentic self.

When we spend time with other people, we adjust who we are. We may not realize that that is what we are doing, but we do, even if it is ever so slightly. We filter ourselves based on who we are with. This means we do not always say what we mean or mean what we say…maybe we do not end up doing what we really want to do either. We are just not always ourselves…except when we are alone. When we are alone, we are free! We think, and express ourselves just the way we want to. We take time to reflect, we think about what we love and what we do not care for and we do it without interruption.

When we spend time alone being ourselves, we gain a sense of responsibility. We carehowifeel3 for ourselves, listen to ourselves and realize that being a little selfish is not a  bad thing. We also get alerted to our own bullsh*t. When you are alone and that alarm goes off that tell you that you are not being yourself. The more time you spend alone, you can train yourself to stop filtering your thoughts…and train your brain to listen to everything and ignore nothing. Everything is important!

I am indeed a social butterfly when I want to be. I love planning trips, going to parties, have fun weekends, and going out with friends..I just know that I need to do my thing too, alone. I need that time…to do me, no pressure, no agenda.

In time, you will value that time, trust me. I used to be somewhat of an extrovert, but as time has gone on and I have gotten older (and wiser, of course), I really value time alone. Now that I have been enjoying that time alone, I have truly developed my bulls**t alarm and I pay attention to what I really need and want and adjust what I do and say.

So hang out with the ones you love but get alone every once in a while so that you can learn to hold yourself accountable for taking care of that very important person in your life…you.IMG_0227

Trying something new! Crystals

pink gemstone

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So I told myself that I would be trying a lot of new things this year. I want to conquer my fears and answer some questions this year. I want to learn as many things as I can learn and stop saying the words “I’m sorry” because it’s not true (I will go into that one on another day).

Crystals have been used throughout history as a source of healing power. The ancient cultures have used crystals and precious stones for clearing and transforming energies, spirit, and physical, along with the alignment of the body. The Mayans, the Egyptians, and the Sumerians were some of the ancient cultures that used crystals as adornments for the body and buildings.

close up photo of person holding crystal stone

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It seems like the information about the healing properties of these crystals and stones have been forgotten by many but there has been a recent surge of interest in them again.  I am always down for a little more ancient education so this is one of the new things that I am going to try.

How do they work? Ok, so the entire universe is made up of energy. Even solid objects, like this chair I am sitting in, and the hair on our heads, at the most basic levels, are vibrations of energy. That means that crystals are made up of the same kind of energy.

Crystals are in a lot of things like our quartz watches, the components in our computers and smartphones, even in our medications! The crystals and stones are used to heal everything from migraines to anxiety and more. I read in my research that healing crystals can accelerate your medication practices, align your chakras ( we will be visiting this one soon as well) to name a few things. There is no limit to the healing you can get with the right crystal or stone and the right application.

There are 3 ways that crystals and stones can transform your energy and resolve your

accessory amethyst birthstone bright

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

imbalance

  • Clearing. This happens when the crystal absorbs and removes certain types of energies from your body.
  • Energizing. They can also push energy into your body, mind, spirit through inducing resonant frequencies, the way electricity works…except crystal healing does not cause pain and is not dangerous.
  • Balancing. Sometimes our energy is out of balance, and certain crystals help to balance out areas of energetic disharmony.

There are a few ways to use healing crystals. You can wear them, meditate with them, Sleep near them, place them in your home or car, or using something called a healing grid (I don’t know about all of that).

Now I did also read that because the crystals were somewhere absorbing energy before you received them, it is good to “cleanse their energy” and align it with yours by soaking then in purified water, salt water, or holy water. And be sure to clean your crystals after each use.

Now for some samples…..

White/clear crystals are very absorbent. They are perfect for learning and cleansing any type of energy. Examples are Quartz, Moonstone, and Selenite.

Brown crystals and stones are grounding, meaning they guide, protect, and clear. Use them when you are trying to make room in your life for a new job or relationship. Some examples are Tiger’s Eye, Halite, or Petrified wood.

accessory art beads beautiful

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Blue healing crystals are all about openness and communication. These can be used when you are looking for truth to be revealed or finding your own truth. Some examples are Sapphire, Sodalite, Angelite.

Violet is one of the most powerful colors of our color spectrum. It combines warm and cool and vibrates at a very high frequency (of course, it’s my favorite color!). Violet crystals are perfect when you need uplifting and can induce a spiritual experience or call on a higher power to guide you. Examples are Amethyst, Iolite, and Sugilite.

Pink makes us think about romance and love. It can bring about loving energy and compassion.  Pink also deflects anger, which helps to draw in romance or just cause you to feel the love.

Black is for protection. The black healing crystals deflect everything. They are strong so if you want to repel any kind of energy at all so you can use them to drive all negativepexels-photo-682952.jpeg energies away from you.

Indigo is calming and brings soothing energy your way. It will help you to cool out when you are carrying anxious, fragile energy. Some examples are Kyanite, Azurite, and Lazuli

Green is for balance. These have been used for physical healing. Too much of anything can cause illness in our bodies and green healing stones are said to redirect our energies and balance them out…hence balancing your body. Some examples are Jade, Emerald, and Malachite.

Orange is soothing and energizing. The healing stones release negative energy and clear out a room for a boost of energy. They are best used when you are feeling down. Examples are Copper, Sunstone, and Aragonite.

Yellow is great for reorganizing your energy patterns. When you are thinking about trying to instill a new habit or even breaking an unhealthy one, think of using these sunny gems. Some examples are Amber, Sulphur, or Mookaite.

Red healing crystals have a lot of energy. I guess if you think about red warning signs or stop signs. The color red invokes a surge

red candle

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of energy. SO when you need a pick me up, reach for your red gem instead of that caffeine.

 

I don’t know which ones I am going to try first but I definitely want to find out how well they work. If you have already tried them or are currently using them, please leave a comment on your experience and I welcome any opinions of course about the practice. I can’t wait to find out how this ancient practice can help this girl and her mind, body, and soul get lined up…….

to be continued………