Posted in Lifestyle

You Are Not Broken!

notbroken1For many years, I really spent a lot of time doubting myself. Always wishing that I had a different body or looked different, had a better financial situation or a different life.  It took me a moment but I did realize that I needed to accept myself, the way I was…right then.

We have to learn to acknowledge who we are…now…and accept that person…today…

Why do spend so much time and energy fighting the truth? We do it consciously and subconsciously. Why are we always wanting to be someone else, do something that someone else is doing, wanting to be a different person, look a different way, or carrying ourselves a different way? We really need to get to the point where we accept who we are.  There is a quote by Kurt Cobain, “wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.”

I listen to a lot of podcasts, read books, blogs, and all of that… We can do that all day! We can repost all the inspirational quotes and memes but that just is not going to make up for that lack of self-acceptance that we may have. IF we want to grow…we have to knowIMG_E1086 where we are now and accept ourselves.

So where can we start?

First of all…YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!

You cannot improve on what you have not accepted. Know that you are not broken. Have faith in this…Live by this!

We all have things that we do not like about ourselves. We have flaws and insecurities and hiccups happen in our lives. That does not mean that something is wrong with us. Even with all of our flaws and mishaps, we are enough! We have a purpose and can continue to grow into a better person.

Wanting to improve yourself is proof that you have power. Setting goals, wanting bigger and better, being inspired to want more….all motivating but we also have to accept who we are and appreciate where we are NOW and allow that to be the foundation for where we are headed. Thinking about our brokenness, whether it be physical, spiritual, emotional, etc, is never going to help you grow into the person you really want to be.

notbroken2Again…YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!

We can look at the things in our lives that we believe are not where they should be and want to make them better. That is ok. I have learned to stop ignoring the things that I don’t like about myself. I am working on acknowledging and accepting them, maybe even love them. Many try to hide or fix whatever we feel is flawed so that no one notices. I remember how stressful that was for me! What a heavy load to carry.  And for what?!

Eventually, you are gonna have to take the makeup off, remove the shapewear, or come clean about what you have experienced in your life. We are gonna have to admit it (whatever that is) and think about how much better you are going to feel once you do. Think about the cleansing…the weight lifted! That is what happens when you stop ignoring what you don’t like about yourself. Nothing wrong with dressing up and accentuating to look your best. I am saying that you should still love the person you are underneath all of the adornment.

So at the end of the year, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to change about myself. Not a resolution, just self-evaluating and looking to improve. I have a few times in the year that I do this; another day is my birthday. I look at where I am and think about where I wanna go next. Some of the things I wrote were…I am not confident, I need to work on this belly, I am not where I wanna be in my blogging…etc…That was me, putting my cards on the table, owning my thoughts…then I threw it away! Why, because I can accept DSC_2694where I am and work toward improving what I want to. I know it sounds silly to make the list but it was therapeutic for me. I also write down what I DO like about myself so that it doesn’t feel like a negative activity. Seeing it all on paper made it more real and helped me to accept what I love and what I do not like. I love my heart toward others, that I am generous, curious, motivated and empathetic….those things matter to me just as much as what I do not care for about myself. After all, it is the good and the bad (or our perception of good and bad) that makes us who we are right?

Take some time to get real with yourself. Confirm that you are that b*tch…flaws and all!

I am not always the best mom, friend, coworker…I am shy at times, not always confident, hardly ever bold, awkward, nerdy, and I don’t always like the way I look. BUT I am also a super caring, energetic, funny, curious, empathetic, powerful and kind woman and I own it ALL.

I am that b*tch! I am she…right now! Today! I am gonna own that ish…. (two snaps in a circle- I just aged myself right?)  I am not gonna ignore my flaws or hope that no one else sees them.

notbrokenJust thinking about it makes me feel stronger and frees me from the judgment of others and myself. I’m gonna move through my days with confidence and self-assurance. This girl is gonna stop judging herself and give my back to others when they attempt to pass judgment on me (your poo stinks too -shrugs).

We are in control of our thoughts and how we judge ourselves so watch what you say!

 

Own all of who you are…the good and not so good. Improve what you can and accept what is just part of who you are. You are THAT b*tch and you are enough and not broken. You are YOU! Own that and grow into who you are capable of becoming…

 

 

 

Posted in Lifestyle

My Top 5 Shows to Binge During the Holidays

bingingSo I know that many people have taken time, or have been given time off during the holidays. For me, any time that I take, I wanna relax. I am more of a reader but I do love when I can find a good show to binge. I know…binging can be so bad! Your diet goes out of the window and you do not get much done. It’s the holidays!! We can act up just a little…right?

Anyway, like I said, I am more of a reader but I have found a few TV shows that I have grown to love. If I watch Tv, I am usually stuck on Food Network or HGTV. but here are some of my new loves…

  • The Mandalorian. This is a live-action Star Wars series that is centered around a  bounty hunter who is sent to obtain a very important asset. There are 8 episodes and you can watch Season 1 on Disney+
  • Why Women Kill. This one is like a soapy dramedy with three married women binging3living in three different decades, each of them dealt with infidelity in their relationships. You can watch this one on CBS All Acess.
  • Evil on CBS.  This show is about a psychologist, a contractor, and a priest-in-training that get together to investigate the supernatural occurrences that continue to happen. They are trying to figure out if there are really “otherworldly” things happening. You can watch it for free on CBS.com
  • Undone. This dramedy follows a girl named Alma who is searching for the truth about her father’s death after she was the survivor of a near-fatal car accident. There are 8 episodes in Season 1 and you can watch it on Amazon Prime.
  • Watchmen. This drama is set in an alternate reality where superheroes are not binging1allowed, though some are still present and acting as vigilantes. One of my favorite actresses is Regina King so I had to try this one out.  She plays an ex-cop who experiences a tragic event that turns her life upside down. Season 1 for this one is now streaming on HBO GO or HBO NOW.

I do occasionally watch a couple of others but right now, these are my favs.  I am going to be doing less binging in the coming year to give more time to my passions. The word binging by definition means indulging in an activity to excess. Excess means that it is too much! Maybe I will reduce it to one show…and more books!

What TV shows are you now binging on? let’s share!

binging2

 

Posted in Lifestyle

I Stopped Chasing Perfection

perfectionI think have spent most of my adult life chasing a certain number in my bank account, a certain number on the scale…friends…careers…you know where I am going. I wanted everything that made me look like I had it all together. I know that I am not the only one.

SO….what “perfect” thing have you been chasing after?perfection2

  • the perfect person
  • the perfect body
  • the perfect career
  • the perfect love as only seen in movies
  •  other people’s approval
  • perfect physical successes such as money and thing

???? Have you gone crazy yet trying????

I QUIT!!! I really stopped chasing after the perfect versions of what I want in this life.  Now, I am not saying that wanting perfect, or more/better is wrong…actually, it is great! I am just not going to obsess about it.

What we see on television, social media, magazines, and in our environment and call perfection are not definite things. There will always be better, more, or more perfect versions of those things somewhere. When we are chasing that certain something, we are never going to be satisfied or feel accomplished or successful or whatever emotion you feel after you have it because it will not be enough once you have it. Perfection is just perfection1not attainable!  Only God is perfect…so I QUIT! I have taken off my shoes because I know that if I am chasing perfection, I will always be chasing perfection and that is no way to live your life.

I am, however going after what I want in this life. I have set my vision…even have a vision board! I am just not putting finish lines in my path that says, “this will be perfect” once I have it.

Nothing is perfect. There are no perfect people, jobs, no perfect time, body…and happiness won’t feel perfect and doesn’t last forever.

That should not make you sad…I am actually happy about that. My life now is about embracing the fact that my life is not and will not be perfect and that’s ok. I am embracing every bump, bruise, and dimple that makes me, me. Life is about falling in love with another imperfect person, embracing your imperfect self and heading into the sunshine and the storms together, not knowing how it will end and knowing that you will not be alone in it.

We live in an imperfect world and there are going to be many curves in the road along this journey.  Now that I have stopped chasing perfection and have opened my mind to my beautiful imperfect self, things are starting to just feel right. I live in my present and accept and embrace it for what it is…mine.

IADI1737

If you stop chasing this “perfect” person, someone will come into your life who is probably the total opposite of what you were looking for, but they are everything your soul needs.

If you stop chasing acceptance from everyone, you will have time to get to know you and fall in love with and clap for yourself.

If you stop chasing that “perfect” person’s body, you will have time to pursue your best health and be able to celebrate your growth and life change.

If you stop chasing money… you will discover that success can be found in places that you never even thought of.

In my quiet time, I learned more about myself and quieted my soul so that I could find out what I really needed. When I stopped chasing perfection, I found out what my soul needed. Amazing things happened when I stopped…and it is not easy. Now I appreciate what I do have, and I can truly say that I am happy.

perfection3We should not wait until our lives are perfect before we fall in love with living…that is never going to happen! We should love the gift of life in spite of the flaws that it shall bring because we know it will not be perfect. We need to live in spite of a life that is far from perfect. We should live boldly and maybe even a little wild with a hunger for our deepest desires.

It is what life is all about right?!

Posted in Lifestyle

I’m Outgrowing People and That’s Ok

outgrowingpeopleAs we get older..we tend to outgrow things. We have outgrown our clothes, our tastes and there are certain things that we just aren’t going to do anymore. Have you outgrown Santa and the tooth fairy? Maybe you have outgrown wrestling your younger siblings or dainty little tea parties (can’t say that I have!)…it happens.

Let’s go a little deeper…we have also outgrown some of our fears right? What about some limitations? You are not afraid to fly alone anymore or swim. There is so much more to add to that list. So why are we holding back when it’s time to walk away from people that we have outgrown?

Why are we not embracing the space we are in mentally, physically, spiritually, and/or emotionally and wanting to see the same thing in the people closest to us? Why are we so afraid to let go of the ones who do not serve us? Why waste time giving our energy to them?

We are out here adulting and stuff and I am sure that you, like me, have gotten to the outgrowingpeople3point where we know who we are and who we desire to be. I don’t know about you but I NOW know what it is like to appreciate myself and invest in me and it feels so good.

Regardless of how your mind works, life will always move forward. We can do the same as we grow up and get to know ourselves better. We have to embrace the fact that as our lives change, so will our circles. There is absolutely no reason for us to sit around and wait for other people to catch up with us.

It is OK to outgrow people!

It is not selfish, or spiteful, or mean to do this. We owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward and everyone cannot come with us to the next space. Sorry, not sorry.

outgrowingpeople1Outgrow people who do not know your value, or pretend to not know…

Outgrow people who are not genuine with you and treat you like you are replaceable…

Outgrow people that do not appreciate you…

Outgrow people who are accepting of part of you and not all…

Outgrow people who do not support who you are and what you are trying to do…

Outgrow people who do not talk to you unless its for a favor or the latest gossip…

Outgrow people who do not want to grow themselves…

Now I wouldn’t go making list or anything of said people. My thoughts are to just realize what you do not need in your life right now. Look at how much you have grown over these years! Let’s keep that growth moving by letting people leave when they try or walking away from people that leaving you feeling anything less than fabulous when they are in your presence or even text and messages. You know that feeling…you seeoutgrowingpeople2 their name and your heart starts racing or you roll your eyes…yeah that one.

We don’t even have to be mean about it. We can simply move on. Move on from the one-sided relationships, people that only hit you up when they have “tea to spill” or want to borrow from you and all of those people who do not appreciate you but “keep in touch”. They are all draining and you can tell from the way you feel when you finally hang up or walk away….RUN!!!!

Remember, that there is nothing selfish about walking away from what doesn’t serve you.

IMG_0925Sometimes, we have outgrown people without even realizing we have. Make it real by walking away. Let me say this…even though you are moving on from whatever, you are not losing it because you cannot lose what it once gave you. You once received from them and it helped you grow, it gave you comfort and taught you many things.  Take the lesson with you!

For this upcoming year, but I have already started, it is time for me to make my circle resemble my growth! I am outgrowing and moving on from people and environments that don’t see my value, invest in my growth, and those that are ALL TALK. My prayer is that you step away from the fear of losing and do the same. We all deserve to live our best life surrounding by people that can see our worth and will hold us accountable…truly love us unconditionally.

Posted in Lifestyle

Opening Up Will Change Your Life

openingup1I used to be more outgoing in my young adult years. I wanted to be around everybody. I wanted to have get-togethers every weekend…now…not so much.

As time has gone on and my focus has been more on raising productive members of society, I have turned into somewhat of a hermit. I rarely shared my life with anyone, especially anything that I was feeling. After you have someone betray your trust, you stop giving it away so freely. I really have become a serious introvert due to past hurts.

I am definitely not saying that I am unhappy with how things are now because in these quiet days, I have learned more about myself and I have fallen in love with this woman right here. I am motivated now more than ever to see my successes and my dreams come true. I know that I deserve it…I did not always feel that way.

Opening up? Not many people want to do that. Many of us hold back…we don’t say whatopeningup2 we really feel. I am guilty of being like this. As I mature, notice I didn’t say as I get older because age hardly matters, I have begun to express myself and not hold on to it and complain to someone else about the experience.

We need to give ourselves the room to say, “I am sad…lonely…tired. I am scared of this. I am feeling insecure about that.” We need to open up! I mean, not to everyone of course. That would be crazy. I just can’t see how it will benefit you to tell everyone you know your personal business, especially if they are not a prayer warrior, encourager, or cheerleader. Everyone that is your “friend” is not always your friend. I learned that young and early. But anyway that is another blog post.

openingupWe are going to be living our own lives and we should just be who we are with no apologies. We need to live it with our whole real, authentic, kind, crazy, soft, funny, hurting. loving selves…why keep it in hiding?

Do you hide who you are because you are afraid of being hurt? Afraid of not being understood? Afraid that they will see you as overly sensitive or emotional? We need to worry less about what others are thinking and more about what will make us feel whole; happy. It is time we live our truth. I will say for myself, that it is time I live my truth…out loud! I have to take up the space that I want to without worrying about comments from the peanut gallery. You should too!

Now, you have to ask yourself how long you are willing to wait to be who you truly are. How long are you gonna stay away from the real you?

There is a plan for your life. There are people who are meant to be permanent fixtures for you, and experiences that you are meant to have and all will make you into a better person. It is true! We cannot continue to shut ourselves off from those people and experiences and miss seeing the best part of us revealed. We are not going to get to meet or get closer to those people or have those experiences if we stay comfortable. IMG_3773

With this new year approaching, I am ready to make some changes but I am not waiting for the clock to strike 12 to change them. I want to be the woman that I am meant to be. That means that opening up, loving people, being real even with the chance of rejection are risks that I will have to take. I am willing to be broken again in order to be remade and willing to lose to make room for my wins.

We should all want to get to the place where we can talk openly about what scares us, what hurt us, how we are feeling, and what can heal us. When someone asks us ‘How are you?”, we should be able to answer honestly and not just give that common answer.

When we open up, we allow ourselves to be…to change and to grow.

We all have hearts beating that let us know that we are alive. Every person or experience that we hand our heart over to is not going to return it in the condition that it was given to them. Know that! It is going to beat a little different. Whether the experience is seen as good or a bad one for you, your heart is affected and it never would have been had you not allowed yourself to experience and feel. We have to be grateful for the opportunity to feel the experience and grow from it. Use the experience for good and become a better you. It’s a beautiful thing!

We just have to allow ourselves to be ourselves. Whatever it is that you are….silly, weird, funny, loving, freaky, or quiet…be yourself!

openingup3I wonder how most people would feel if they had nothing to hide. Imagine peace…

I have to make sure that for myself, I am surrounded by people that will not be judgemental or weirded out by my realness, my past, my present situation, or where I am headed.

I hope that you can find the same peace in those around you…

 

Posted in Lifestyle

Is Thanksgiving Important to Anyone Anymore?

thanksgiving191I will never forget the Thanksgivings that I experienced as a little girl. So much fun and family! Oh, how I missed the days when my family planned meals and I got a chance to play with cousins and eat all of the great food that my family made. My family has a bunch of great cooks! We ate until we were miserable, took, naps and got up and did it all over again. Ahhhhhh Family!

The true meaning of Thanksgiving for me is family, gratitude, and thankfulness. It should be a WHOLE day focused on spending time with family and friends enjoying each other’s company, good food, and a great football game. I honestly do not like the new era where we almost forget about Thanksgiving and go right into the Christmas holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas, I just like to have that day to hang out with loved ones and eat and laugh the day away.

We cannot let this day go by and not teach our children what Thanksgiving meant to us when we were their age. I tell my boys what we used to hear and do and we have made our own traditions along the way because being a military family, we were rarely with family for the holidays.thanksgiving193

  • We watch the parades, football, and television specials.
  • We take time away from tv and devices to just hang out and talk with loved ones.
  • There is rarely any drama. People should put aside their differences for at least a day and be grateful for the time spent.
  • Talk about food. Who made what…what is in it. What is your favorite food?
  • We always say what we are thankful for in our prayers before eating. It teaches gratitude and I teach my boys this beyond the holiday.
  • Contributing to food shelters/banks and other charities help to make Thanksgiving about sharing and be thankful for the abundance that you have.
  • Prepare a dish or do a craft together. When I involve my boys in cooking, they seem to eat more. Crafts are just fun and they reinforce family time.

I like to shop for the holidays but I hate that for me to do it, someone has to take time away from their families to work. This holiday truly should be enjoyed but it can bring about as much stress as it does joy. From what I understand, there are many Americans that don’t even celebrate Thanksgiving anymore. Depending on the job or career you have, Thanksgiving is just a time for you to work and make someone else rich while you sacrifice time with your family.

thanksgiving192There is really is no hype of build-up to Thanksgiving anymore. There is no Black Friday excitement because the deals are already out there for the taking. Compared to Halloween and Christmas, we just can’t see that Thanksgiving has much of a presence at all and it is so sad.

Thanksgiving no longer has a central tone to it. Yes, we get excited about the football game and the food, but they rarely focus on the family getting together to be grateful and thankful for time with each other. Do they even bother to “sell” the holiday the way they do Halloween, Christmas, and the New Year? They may try to push a few cooking supplies or recall romaine lettuce again but ummmmmmm… (shrugs).

At the end of the day, I guess there is no way to really market Thanksgiving in a way that focuses on family and thankfulness because who can make money off of that right? The lack of marketing for it makes people forget about it more and more every year.

Well regardless of the lack of marketing, I plan on getting together with loved ones and stuffing my face and taking a few naps during the game. I plan on hearing plenty of laughter and talking between us all and remembering to be thankful for the opportunity to care for one another.

Wishing you the best Thanksgiving with your family and friends!!thanksgiving194

Eat everything! Laugh…cry…nap…cheer and eat leftovers all weekend.

Be grateful. Be Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Friendsgiving!

Posted in Lifestyle

My Top 5 Friendship Needs…

three women posing for photo
Photo by Adrienn on Pexels.com

Science says that without friends, most people will die an early death.

It’s true!

In order for us to live a long, happy life, we need each other. We need friends! What we don’t need is a bunch of fair-weathered associates. We need some well-rounded, diverse and supported people to create our circle of friends with. We need people who will be there through thick and thin; that we can share our ups and downs without fear of judgment or abandonment.

two women sitting on white bench
Photo by Elle Hughes on Pexels.com

These are the kind of friends I believe (and hope for in my life) balance out and keep us healthy…

  1. The Loyal Best Friend. We all need a non-judgemental friend that will still be bold enough to call us out on our BS when we need them to. One that will support us and keep our secrets. A loyal bestie is one that will know that we are a hot mess behind closed doors…know all of those deep, dark secrets and still love us thoroughly.
  2. The Brutally Honest Friend. We all need someone to have our back and be bold enough to tell us the old hard truth. He/She will let you know when it is time to stop that on again off again relationship once and for all. They will let you know that it is time to stop settling, that you have something in your nose, or maybe that you really should have looked at yourself before you came outside today. Friends are supposed to be honest with you. They are there to cheer you on and to yank those rose-colored glasses off of your eyes when need be. When you find this person, hold on to them! They are hard to come by.
  3. The Opposite. As humans, we are always looking to bond with like-minded folks. img_7363Always attempting to run in packs. I think that it challenges and grows us to have people in our lives that hold a different view than we do. When we are only associating with “our tribe”, we become detached from the rest of the world and create stereotypes about anyone outside of us. Let us open our eyes to different world views and learn to accept others. That may bring a little more peace into your world.
  4. A Friendly Neighbor. I am going to be honest with you and say that in the last neighborhood that I lived in, I did not know much of anything about the people I lived near. It is a shame because I am sure that my neighbors were probably very nice people, maybe. We are starting to vacation more and having a neighbor that we can trust would and can be life-saving. Nice neighbors that are dependable will have each other’s back and protect each other’s homes. I just recently moved and I know, at least the names for now, of all of the neighbors in my tiny little neighborhood. I actually cannot wait to learn more!
  5. people drinking liquor and talking on dining table close up photo
    Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

    The Wise One. If you have someone in your circle that is smart, encouraging, inspiring and admirable in your life, you are one lucky human! We all need a friend who inspires us to be a better person without making us feel like a child. If you are that person in your group, you may need to find another group or add someone to your group that does the same for you.

 

There are other friends that we need to make our world go around as well, but for me, these are the ones that will keep me growing and make my world crazy and beautiful all at the same time.

We also need an adventurous friend that will grab our hand and take us places and haveIMG_5537 us doing things that we never would have imagined. A funny friend to draw out our smiles when we feel like doing nothing but crying. A praying friend that doesn’t have to talk much but you know that they are praying you through your situations and celebrations. We need a work friend that can help us get through the crazy days.

Having more than one of any of these is a Blessing! I am working on revamping my friendship circle and I am loving how it feels.