Posted in Lifestyle

How To Start Owning Your Decisions

decision2I know that I do not speak for myself when I say that I was truly ill-equipped to make my own decisions as a young woman. From parents not allowing us to make small decisions as children to our friends and family imposing their personal opinions and desires on us as we grow into adulthood and beyond. There are different reasons for us all…reasons that we just did not get enough practice making our own decisions.

As we continue to grow, the sources of doubt may change. Does anyone have a mother-in-law that questions the decisions that you make when raising your children? Maybe it happens in your work environment because it doesn’t foster or support your talent. Most of us really want to feel so confident in our decisions that even when there is an opinion contrary to our own, we find the strength to keep moving ahead. Is this even possible? YES!

I have been through a lot and have had to live with the decisions of others on my life for decision1many years. I just didn’t know any better. We always think that people have our best interest at heart when the truth is, they have THEIR best interest at heart, not yours. “If it were me….” is how they are thinking when they are telling you what you should do. Guess what? YOU are not them! Only you can make decisions for you. I am definitely someone who still struggles with this…but much more rarely than my younger years. This is all part of some things that I am working on in year 46 (yes I said it!) Although it can be hard at times, in the end, we will grow and learn and cope better with decisions that we have made on our own. You can’t blame anyone if you pulled the trigger right?

So why do we struggle with decision-making?

  • Care what others think about what we do and say
  • Feelings of guilt and shame
  • Lack of self-love. When we are here, it is hard to trust ourselves or feel secure in what we do decide for ourselves.

 

Please understand that guilt is a healthy emotion because it does help us with the changes we do need to consider in our lives. Now when turning guilt into a sign that we are incapable or unworthy, then it becomes shame…Shame is destructive for us. THAT, we need to rid ourselves of for real. We also need to free ourselves from being people decisions3pleasers! We will never get where we want to go if we are concerned with how someone else is gonna feel about it. More than likely, they are not paying attention to how you feel when they make moves for their own lives. We need to deliver ourselves from caring how others feel and start to feel and listen to our bodies and minds. Tune in to what we desire and if we are called to do it, we need to move on that! We need to get to know ourselves, what we love and what we can do without. We need to do things that we love, be around people that love and support how we treat ourselves and have the desire to treat us well. We need to trust ourselves in our own hands. Why is it that we speak kindly to others and support their dreams but we turn our back on our own dreams and speak unkind words to ourselves? What the heck is wrong with us?!! We need to spend time building ourselves up while we are cheering everyone else on…periodtttttttttt

For most of my life, I knew what I wanted. I lost confidence in myself because I was always asking people for advice…I can’t even tell you why. I would ignore my gut feelings and take the advice of people who hardly even knew me, let alone my heart and intentions.

“The vast majority of advice you’ll receive comes from a place of love. But ultimately we have to make our own choice based on what’s best for us. You’ll never make a decision 100% of people will accept as a great decision. That’s ok. Don’t let people who don’t decisions5matter too much, matter too much.” -Wes Moore.

We need to stop taking surveys before we make moves in our own lives. Mind our own business!

Now many of us play the victim like we did in childhood. We resort to being passive about what we want and we play the blame game when things don’t work out the way we envisioned it.  Most of us learned at a young age how to play the victim. We were raised in families that acted from fear and it crippled us when it came to trusting ourselves to do what was right for us. People that live in victim mode always pity the hand that they were dealt and focus on how people have mistreated them. They feel sorry for themselves even when things are not going so bad.

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When they look at vulnerability, they do not see it as an offense to be open to learning and growing and success, they see it as dangerous and weak and go on the defense

Playing the victim will undermine your joy and success with self-destructive behavior. We have to choose to take responsibility and create a life that we will truly enjoy.

“If we tell our story in a way that disempowers us we won’t know that we matter even in the midst of the story.”- Iyanla Vanzant

We need to use good judgment while making decisions for our lives and we are more than capable of doing it without the help of others. We choose who or what we believe…even when we listen and do what someone tells us, we are choosing to listen and obey. We need to examine what we hear and weigh it against our own sense of truth…and if you pray…pray about it! Do what feels right after you give it some thought, even if it goes against what someone told you to do. You’re allowed to create your own path without apologies.

If I may say this…We are responsible for who we are regardless of how we were raised. We have to know this and not continue to blame our past for what we are doing 30 years later in the present.

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Posted in Lifestyle

My Top 5 Shows to Binge During the Holidays

bingingSo I know that many people have taken time, or have been given time off during the holidays. For me, any time that I take, I wanna relax. I am more of a reader but I do love when I can find a good show to binge. I know…binging can be so bad! Your diet goes out of the window and you do not get much done. It’s the holidays!! We can act up just a little…right?

Anyway, like I said, I am more of a reader but I have found a few TV shows that I have grown to love. If I watch Tv, I am usually stuck on Food Network or HGTV. but here are some of my new loves…

  • The Mandalorian. This is a live-action Star Wars series that is centered around a  bounty hunter who is sent to obtain a very important asset. There are 8 episodes and you can watch Season 1 on Disney+
  • Why Women Kill. This one is like a soapy dramedy with three married women binging3living in three different decades, each of them dealt with infidelity in their relationships. You can watch this one on CBS All Acess.
  • Evil on CBS.  This show is about a psychologist, a contractor, and a priest-in-training that get together to investigate the supernatural occurrences that continue to happen. They are trying to figure out if there are really “otherworldly” things happening. You can watch it for free on CBS.com
  • Undone. This dramedy follows a girl named Alma who is searching for the truth about her father’s death after she was the survivor of a near-fatal car accident. There are 8 episodes in Season 1 and you can watch it on Amazon Prime.
  • Watchmen. This drama is set in an alternate reality where superheroes are not binging1allowed, though some are still present and acting as vigilantes. One of my favorite actresses is Regina King so I had to try this one out.  She plays an ex-cop who experiences a tragic event that turns her life upside down. Season 1 for this one is now streaming on HBO GO or HBO NOW.

I do occasionally watch a couple of others but right now, these are my favs.  I am going to be doing less binging in the coming year to give more time to my passions. The word binging by definition means indulging in an activity to excess. Excess means that it is too much! Maybe I will reduce it to one show…and more books!

What TV shows are you now binging on? let’s share!

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Posted in Lifestyle

I Stopped Chasing Perfection

perfectionI think have spent most of my adult life chasing a certain number in my bank account, a certain number on the scale…friends…careers…you know where I am going. I wanted everything that made me look like I had it all together. I know that I am not the only one.

SO….what “perfect” thing have you been chasing after?perfection2

  • the perfect person
  • the perfect body
  • the perfect career
  • the perfect love as only seen in movies
  •  other people’s approval
  • perfect physical successes such as money and thing

???? Have you gone crazy yet trying????

I QUIT!!! I really stopped chasing after the perfect versions of what I want in this life.  Now, I am not saying that wanting perfect, or more/better is wrong…actually, it is great! I am just not going to obsess about it.

What we see on television, social media, magazines, and in our environment and call perfection are not definite things. There will always be better, more, or more perfect versions of those things somewhere. When we are chasing that certain something, we are never going to be satisfied or feel accomplished or successful or whatever emotion you feel after you have it because it will not be enough once you have it. Perfection is just perfection1not attainable!  Only God is perfect…so I QUIT! I have taken off my shoes because I know that if I am chasing perfection, I will always be chasing perfection and that is no way to live your life.

I am, however going after what I want in this life. I have set my vision…even have a vision board! I am just not putting finish lines in my path that says, “this will be perfect” once I have it.

Nothing is perfect. There are no perfect people, jobs, no perfect time, body…and happiness won’t feel perfect and doesn’t last forever.

That should not make you sad…I am actually happy about that. My life now is about embracing the fact that my life is not and will not be perfect and that’s ok. I am embracing every bump, bruise, and dimple that makes me, me. Life is about falling in love with another imperfect person, embracing your imperfect self and heading into the sunshine and the storms together, not knowing how it will end and knowing that you will not be alone in it.

We live in an imperfect world and there are going to be many curves in the road along this journey.  Now that I have stopped chasing perfection and have opened my mind to my beautiful imperfect self, things are starting to just feel right. I live in my present and accept and embrace it for what it is…mine.

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If you stop chasing this “perfect” person, someone will come into your life who is probably the total opposite of what you were looking for, but they are everything your soul needs.

If you stop chasing acceptance from everyone, you will have time to get to know you and fall in love with and clap for yourself.

If you stop chasing that “perfect” person’s body, you will have time to pursue your best health and be able to celebrate your growth and life change.

If you stop chasing money… you will discover that success can be found in places that you never even thought of.

In my quiet time, I learned more about myself and quieted my soul so that I could find out what I really needed. When I stopped chasing perfection, I found out what my soul needed. Amazing things happened when I stopped…and it is not easy. Now I appreciate what I do have, and I can truly say that I am happy.

perfection3We should not wait until our lives are perfect before we fall in love with living…that is never going to happen! We should love the gift of life in spite of the flaws that it shall bring because we know it will not be perfect. We need to live in spite of a life that is far from perfect. We should live boldly and maybe even a little wild with a hunger for our deepest desires.

It is what life is all about right?!

Posted in Lifestyle

I’m Outgrowing People and That’s Ok

outgrowingpeopleAs we get older..we tend to outgrow things. We have outgrown our clothes, our tastes and there are certain things that we just aren’t going to do anymore. Have you outgrown Santa and the tooth fairy? Maybe you have outgrown wrestling your younger siblings or dainty little tea parties (can’t say that I have!)…it happens.

Let’s go a little deeper…we have also outgrown some of our fears right? What about some limitations? You are not afraid to fly alone anymore or swim. There is so much more to add to that list. So why are we holding back when it’s time to walk away from people that we have outgrown?

Why are we not embracing the space we are in mentally, physically, spiritually, and/or emotionally and wanting to see the same thing in the people closest to us? Why are we so afraid to let go of the ones who do not serve us? Why waste time giving our energy to them?

We are out here adulting and stuff and I am sure that you, like me, have gotten to the outgrowingpeople3point where we know who we are and who we desire to be. I don’t know about you but I NOW know what it is like to appreciate myself and invest in me and it feels so good.

Regardless of how your mind works, life will always move forward. We can do the same as we grow up and get to know ourselves better. We have to embrace the fact that as our lives change, so will our circles. There is absolutely no reason for us to sit around and wait for other people to catch up with us.

It is OK to outgrow people!

It is not selfish, or spiteful, or mean to do this. We owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward and everyone cannot come with us to the next space. Sorry, not sorry.

outgrowingpeople1Outgrow people who do not know your value, or pretend to not know…

Outgrow people who are not genuine with you and treat you like you are replaceable…

Outgrow people that do not appreciate you…

Outgrow people who are accepting of part of you and not all…

Outgrow people who do not support who you are and what you are trying to do…

Outgrow people who do not talk to you unless its for a favor or the latest gossip…

Outgrow people who do not want to grow themselves…

Now I wouldn’t go making list or anything of said people. My thoughts are to just realize what you do not need in your life right now. Look at how much you have grown over these years! Let’s keep that growth moving by letting people leave when they try or walking away from people that leaving you feeling anything less than fabulous when they are in your presence or even text and messages. You know that feeling…you seeoutgrowingpeople2 their name and your heart starts racing or you roll your eyes…yeah that one.

We don’t even have to be mean about it. We can simply move on. Move on from the one-sided relationships, people that only hit you up when they have “tea to spill” or want to borrow from you and all of those people who do not appreciate you but “keep in touch”. They are all draining and you can tell from the way you feel when you finally hang up or walk away….RUN!!!!

Remember, that there is nothing selfish about walking away from what doesn’t serve you.

IMG_0925Sometimes, we have outgrown people without even realizing we have. Make it real by walking away. Let me say this…even though you are moving on from whatever, you are not losing it because you cannot lose what it once gave you. You once received from them and it helped you grow, it gave you comfort and taught you many things.  Take the lesson with you!

For this upcoming year, but I have already started, it is time for me to make my circle resemble my growth! I am outgrowing and moving on from people and environments that don’t see my value, invest in my growth, and those that are ALL TALK. My prayer is that you step away from the fear of losing and do the same. We all deserve to live our best life surrounding by people that can see our worth and will hold us accountable…truly love us unconditionally.

Posted in Lifestyle

Is Thanksgiving Important to Anyone Anymore?

thanksgiving191I will never forget the Thanksgivings that I experienced as a little girl. So much fun and family! Oh, how I missed the days when my family planned meals and I got a chance to play with cousins and eat all of the great food that my family made. My family has a bunch of great cooks! We ate until we were miserable, took, naps and got up and did it all over again. Ahhhhhh Family!

The true meaning of Thanksgiving for me is family, gratitude, and thankfulness. It should be a WHOLE day focused on spending time with family and friends enjoying each other’s company, good food, and a great football game. I honestly do not like the new era where we almost forget about Thanksgiving and go right into the Christmas holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas, I just like to have that day to hang out with loved ones and eat and laugh the day away.

We cannot let this day go by and not teach our children what Thanksgiving meant to us when we were their age. I tell my boys what we used to hear and do and we have made our own traditions along the way because being a military family, we were rarely with family for the holidays.thanksgiving193

  • We watch the parades, football, and television specials.
  • We take time away from tv and devices to just hang out and talk with loved ones.
  • There is rarely any drama. People should put aside their differences for at least a day and be grateful for the time spent.
  • Talk about food. Who made what…what is in it. What is your favorite food?
  • We always say what we are thankful for in our prayers before eating. It teaches gratitude and I teach my boys this beyond the holiday.
  • Contributing to food shelters/banks and other charities help to make Thanksgiving about sharing and be thankful for the abundance that you have.
  • Prepare a dish or do a craft together. When I involve my boys in cooking, they seem to eat more. Crafts are just fun and they reinforce family time.

I like to shop for the holidays but I hate that for me to do it, someone has to take time away from their families to work. This holiday truly should be enjoyed but it can bring about as much stress as it does joy. From what I understand, there are many Americans that don’t even celebrate Thanksgiving anymore. Depending on the job or career you have, Thanksgiving is just a time for you to work and make someone else rich while you sacrifice time with your family.

thanksgiving192There is really is no hype of build-up to Thanksgiving anymore. There is no Black Friday excitement because the deals are already out there for the taking. Compared to Halloween and Christmas, we just can’t see that Thanksgiving has much of a presence at all and it is so sad.

Thanksgiving no longer has a central tone to it. Yes, we get excited about the football game and the food, but they rarely focus on the family getting together to be grateful and thankful for time with each other. Do they even bother to “sell” the holiday the way they do Halloween, Christmas, and the New Year? They may try to push a few cooking supplies or recall romaine lettuce again but ummmmmmm… (shrugs).

At the end of the day, I guess there is no way to really market Thanksgiving in a way that focuses on family and thankfulness because who can make money off of that right? The lack of marketing for it makes people forget about it more and more every year.

Well regardless of the lack of marketing, I plan on getting together with loved ones and stuffing my face and taking a few naps during the game. I plan on hearing plenty of laughter and talking between us all and remembering to be thankful for the opportunity to care for one another.

Wishing you the best Thanksgiving with your family and friends!!thanksgiving194

Eat everything! Laugh…cry…nap…cheer and eat leftovers all weekend.

Be grateful. Be Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Friendsgiving!