I Need To Slow Down!

slowdown1I am always trying to make sure that my schedule shows me and my world that I have things going on…I need to slow it down! Really! And I do know that I am not the only one so…

Repeat after me.

Good things take time so you can slow the f%$# down! Excuse my French (shoulder shrugs)

Good things are not the only things that take time, everything takes time…life takes time.

The more I realize this, the more I have been letting go of my cluttered work schedule and telling myself that I should be in “this” place right now in my business, finances, relationships, my life period!

I am in the process of letting go of those expectations. The more I let go, the happier I amslowdown3 and I am really seeing how a person can just live…and do it without regret. I also ignore the expectations that others have on me and oh what a relief it is!

Slowing down…slowing down and trusting the timing…putting it all in God’s hands.

I am making peace with the fact that I do not know where this blogging thing is going to take me. Making peace with the fact that only God knows what is best for me. I am making peace with not everyone will like me, listen to me, that my timing is sometimes very weird, and that my life will not always meet my expectations.

slowdown2I am patient, that is definitely true. I do not mind waiting for what is truly mine. Waiting does not mean that I am not driven or hungry for what I desire. To me, it shows my strength and resilience and wisdom! Waiting can be empowering and I am sure (because it has started happening with me) that beautiful things happen while you wait for your heart’s desire. I learn something with each moment I wait. Those lessons give me more opportunities to grow. The longer I wait, the more capable I feel that I am and the more likely I will end up where I belong…..where I belong… I belong nowhere,  I belong everywhere! Anywhere! So I keep moving forward…with patience.

“You only are when you realize you belong no place- you belong every place-no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” Maya Angelou

So what you are not where “she” is in life, or you do not make as much money as your brother/sister/cousin/best friend. You are not behind in this life. You are not a failure! You are not lost! You are just you…and your life has its own timeline. My oldest son and Islowdown talk about this all of the time. He will be 26 this year and most of his childhood friends are married (some have been more than once) and have children. He is working, getting ready to go back to school for his Master’s and engaged to his high school sweetheart and dare I say that they are waiting until marriage before they engage in all that produces a family. He used to talk about how behind he is in life and questioned his journey. I always encourage him to not measure his life by the decisions of others in their lives. He should continue to love what is happening in his and be proud. He should understand that we all do not move in the same way, we just move forward making decisions that are hopefully good for us as individuals. Comparison is the thief of joy. Your journey is unique to you and only you.

Honestly, you have to believe that everything will come together in the end.

Sometimes we have to take a step back from our BIG picture and take a good look at the little things along the journey that we can do right now that will get us there and make us much happier, fulfilled and successful people. slowdown4

 

Happy Birthday To Me!

happybirthday

This year has been all about me trusting myself. I was really bad at doing that. I have to confess that I did not trust myself and I was a severe overthinker. I am using year 46 to trust myself and use my time doing as opposed to thinking about doing.

In other words, I am saying “F” it!

img_1584.jpgI am going to do it, say it….travel, wear, write, fly, love…do whatever it is that I am always thinking about doing.

I know that I am not the only one over here that rarely takes immediate action. No…I know better! I overthink and overthink and overthink…you probably do too!

When we overthink, we are letting ourselves know that we do not trust our gut. If we are not listening to our gut, we end up paralyzed by things we do not have or characteristics we have not developed yet, the things you have yet to win or receive, and the happiness that you have been hoping for. Overthinking makes us focus on what we do not have and what we are not. Not cool…I quit! Know what else? It leads to nothing getting done…even worse.

When I finally decided, on Christmas Day, that I was gonna say “F” it to overthinking and start listening to my gut, I pay more attention to what I can control and what I already have. I have become more positive, more grateful, and life seems so much more simple.

How am I learning to trust myself more?

First I listen to podcasts! One of my very favorites is Having it A.L.L by Michael Bivens.

IMG_2120

He recently did a Trust Challenge and I joined it. I had so much fun and it was more than an eye-opening experience. I learned so much about myself and I have been continuing on and trusting myself even more now than I ever have. Look him up! His podcast is awesome and you will not be sorry.

I am learning to act when I come up with an idea. Research something, do something that supports the idea so that it does not just sit there and fade into the background. The more time I wait, the more doubt sets in…I question myself and start to focus on what I do not have and how I fall short. Not happening anymore!!! “F” that!

When we put actions to our thoughts, the experience itself will trump everything else. Experience will replace the thoughts of coming up short. When you get an idea..act!! The more we practice, the more tools we gain to add to our tool belt of experience. Doing this, happybirthday1you find out how right your gut can be. I know that since I have begun this journey, I have to stop wasting time worrying and just do what I feel will add to who I am. No more limits!

I have to tell you that this season of my life had been so freeing! I am liberated and have lifted the burden of overthinking and I am in the process of being free from it. I have so much more positive energy and I absolutely love who I am becoming. I am no longer wasting time on things that I cannot control or scenarios that do not matter.

Happy Birthday to ME!!!XGJI6585

 

 

 

Comfort Is For The Boring

comfort1There is nothing like a comfortable bed with lots of fluffy pillows and a nice warm blanket. I know this and I want that in my life…every night! I like my bed and other places that I sit and/or rest to comfortable, but what about my life? Just how comfortable do I want to be?

If you are presently comfortable with your life, your routine, and your relationships…I think it is time to force yourself to get uncomfortable.

Something that we need to think about is the more we sit still and be “happy”, the less we actually grow. The more we stretch beyond our comfort zone, the more we grow.

You know what is not comfortable for you, personally. Talking to people who are where you want to be in life. Going to places you want to go alone. Taking a chance on starting that business or writing that book you have been dreaming about.

When you realize that you just wash, rinse, and repeat daily, you have to throw a comfort2monkey wrench in that comfort and push yourself to do something out of your comfort zone. Start questioning yourself and your motives, saying no when you used to say yes, or yes when you always said no, go out instead of making excuses to stay in (that one used to be me….frequently!).

Getting out of our comfort zone is really the only way that we will see growth in this life. The more we do, the more confident we will be and the more self-assured. We may fail at times, but we will eventually fail our way to success if we learn something from the failure and take notes.

If you think you know your path and have everything you need to get there, you are way too comfortable and you may get your feelings hurt. Our thoughts cannot be set in stone about our future. God is the only one who knows and He will not let us know anything before its time. So for us, our path will never be clear, so we should just strap up our boots and enjoy the ride… and get uncomfortable. We never know how much more fully we will enjoy our lives or how truly happy we can be until we let go and face being out of our comfort zone.

comfort4So if you are living a mundane and routine life, I urge you to throw yourself a curve ball every once in a while. There is so much out there in the world to explore and learn. And what about those things that pop in your head that you want to try? Do not leave those things undiscovered if it is in your power to do them! I am sure that is not how you want to live. To do things you have never done, meet new people, have new discoveries and explore new places…that is when you will feel like you are doing more than existing.. you are LIVING and being the person you truly want to be. How do they say it? You will be “Living your best life!”

The only way to get there is just to do it! Get out of your comfort zone and see what your life can truly be. Get uncomfortable! There is nothing wrong with doing something for the first time, even at our age. We can be awkward and embarrassed while having new experiences, it’s ok. We can embrace those moments that we find ourselves in where we do not know what to do or say, oh well.

We are the only ones responsible for our lives and how we live in the end. You choosecomfort3 your emotions at the end of the day. How do you want to live this life? What attitude toward your life experiences do you want to have? Do you want to remain stagnant and “comfy” or grow while experiencing more of what life has to offer? I am learning more and more that when I open myself up to doing new things and learning from them, I feel more alive and confident in myself…the feeling is like no other!

So just do it…get uncomfortable and live your best life

 

 

I Am Capable Of More

capable1I finally get it! I can finally see the forest before the trees…..(whatever that means right?) I do a lot of things, wear a lot of hats. I am one busy bee. But I am going to be honest with you and say, I hardly ever think that it is enough and that what I do accomplish is good enough. I am so serious….and crazy!!! I have accomplished so much and I am working on adding things to the list…I am capable of so much more than I think….so are you!

I am capable of doing anything that I want to; whatever I am looking to do in this life, I am absolutely capable of doing it, YOU are capable of doing it. Whether or not we really know what we ultimately want and what it looks like to work toward it, we can. We are capable of being happier than ever. It is more than adding the right people to our lives and eliminating those who do not add value to us. We can create the best version of ourselves and the world will be able to see the confidence, value, and purpose in us.

Attitude is everything! We have to tell ourselves every day, in everything…you are capable and there is so much more waiting for you. Then we need to honor ourselves incapable a way that shows that you know it for sure. If we really want to “grow up”, we have to get to know ourselves. One of the ways that we can do that is to release some of the BS that we allow to reside in our lives, those things that keep us from being our best. We cannot feel pressured to make commitments and hang around people that do not positively affect our lives. That is where personal boundaries come in.

Let me be honest about some of the things that I have allowed in my life that have distracted me when it comes to me getting to where I want to be. I have let the needs and happiness of others supersede my own, I was really extra on the people pleasing, I have held onto past relationships and frustrations, and I tolerated people that drained the life and energy out of me. That was too much and I had to do something in order to finally make ME a priority.

Boundaries!

capable2The biggest thing for me was saying “no”. It was rarely part of my vocabulary and my nerves suffered for it. NO is not a negative word, not at all. We can not feel guilty for wanting to choose ourselves over others occasionally. I used to feel guilty for not wanting to help someone, then I thought about how easy it was for others to tell me no and not blink an eye. I speak my truth now! I say no (not always that blunt) with a quickness and I do not feel guilty for not being there…this time. There may be another time where I will help but if I am not feeling, I do not do it.

And I do not give a reason why I am saying no….For what? I owe no one an excuse for choosing to do what I planned, even if it is nothing, over doing for someone else. I love helping every and anyone but if I do not feel Peace about it, I am going to skip it. There is so much power and freedom in the word NO!!

The word “no” establishes a boundary and that is so powerful. You’re telling your truthcapable3 and standing up for yourself. You are showing yourself that you can be trusted to take care of you too. You are a human being and you are choosing to live your life on your terms. Boundaries support the life you want for yourself and show others what you will and will not allow in your life. Having personal boundaries in place shows you have the courage  to love yourself even at the chance of disappointing others.

I am doing it more and more everyday and you can too. Say no! Go ahead! Do not do another thing that you are going to complain about later or feel uncomfortable doing because you are a people-pleaser.  You can be sweet about it, “I am sorry, but I will not be able to help you with that this time.”, “no, I do not have the extra money to loan you.”…whatever they ask, you have the power to say no if you do not want to be there. Start off small and stay consistent, you will eventually be a pro and feel better about having the time to do those things you are capable of that will lead you to personal happiness and fulfillment.

capable4

Satisfied

sunset beach people sunrise

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

We work hard. A lot of us go beyond our “day” jobs to look for the next big thing to work on or area to improve in our lives. This can be in our professional or in our personal lives. Does this sound like you? I believe this is a lot of us. The question is, are we going about it the right way?

img_4075Being happy and satisfied is all in the attitude. We can be in pursuit of things that make us happy, but we should also learn to be happy where we are…right now…today, at this moment.

So what do you want to do? Do you want to learn how to play the piano, learn a new language, or even write that book? Because of how our minds work, we think about these things and sometimes move on to the next thought so quickly that we do not even take the time to put a possible plan in place. If you are like me, you do not want to waste any of your days doing things that don’t get you moving in the direction of the things that mean the most to you.

Every little step we take toward our ultimate goal is one that should be celebrated. We should think about and celebrate every win. Take a moment to appreciate your effort, soak in the accomplishment. Be happy with what you have done at that moment.

If we are always looking at what’s ahead (or what we want to be/have in the future), we miss what is happening today. This means that we are not even living in the present. WeIMG_6426.JPG do not have the future yet, and the past has already come and gone. The present is what we know is guaranteed so we should want to be in that moment; enjoy and be present in this very moment. You are missing out on the beauty of today is you spend every moment thinking about the future.

Being in the moment isn’t saying that learning new things is unnecessary or telling you not to look forward to your future, because you really should.  I am just saying that if we forget that we are living life right now, not too many things can change in the future. Who wants to spend all of their time just chasing something better? That means you will never be happy and “happiness” will always be a moving target for you.

What have you really worked hard for recently? Once you had that achievement under your belt, did it feel as good as you thought it would? Is it because you were already working on the next step and did not pause to celebrate your accomplishment? We should be happy with what we have at this moment while we are working toward what we ultimately want.

Those small wins may not seem too important because they are a means to an end but we should make an effort to appreciate those steps toward our ultimate goals. When negative things occur, we should try to see the lessons, not blame ourselves or others, img_6031and find ways to succeed at that thing the next time.

We have to do some self-evaluations. We should take time before our day really starts to think about what would make “this” day perfect. (note to self..and you…do not let the opinions of others matter too much with this though). Write down what you are working on that is a step in the directions of your goals. How do you spend your day and who do you spend it with? What truly can you say makes you feel content/satisfied?

Every year I sit down and evaluate my year. I do not make resolutions but I do look at my life and how I spent my time. Just like you balance your bank account, we need balance in our lives. We can see what/who is adding to our accounts (emotional, physical, spiritual, mental), what is taking away. You can ask yourself what you need to do more of, less of, completely stop or add something totally different to increase your happiness and satisfaction.

However you decide to balance your life, do it for yourself. Yes, self-awareness and how others see us is important to our growth….we also had to make sure that we do not do things to make others like us or be accepted in a circle. Work on you because you really want to see you in a different light. While you are working on improving, make sure to stop and enjoy the sunshine on your face….today. Be satisfied with what this moment has for you.

woman stands on mountain over field under cloudy sky at sunrise

Photo by Victor Freitas on Pexels.com

Taking This and Leaving That!

2019We are here…standing right at the end of our year, 2018. It was an interesting year, that is for sure. It did bring a lot of heartaches, but it also brought some of the most beautiful moments of my life. I have learned so much from so many new “friends” and experiences and…I am so thankful for the additions and subtractions of 2018.

I know a lot of people are making New Year resolutions, but I stopped doing that to myself years ago. I do not want to keep promising myself things and breaking the promise at the next available moment. It is important to me that something changes every year; that I grow in some way toward being a much better woman. 20192

Our homes are full of things that we have collected over time. Whether we brought those things in, or someone stopped by and dropped them off, our homes are full or both what we need and what we can live without.  Just like our hearts and minds…full of things we can use going forward and those other things that need to be discarded in order to be lighter on our feet going into the new year.

There are so many treasures in your “home”. Think about it, the happy endings, the belly laughs, the new relationships/friendships, the sweet intentions you had for others and others have had for you…all of the YESSES! You have had times when you were kind to yourself, fought and stood up for yourself, have shown your strength and tenacity and have attempted with success to be good to many people. When you think about those things, these are the things that you should take with you into the new year.

20193

On the other hand, we have a whole lot of mess in our “homes”. We have the things that are obvious and those things that we have swept under the rug. No matter how much we have swept and dusted the common areas that everyone can see when they come in, we have clutter!! Clutter that we hide in the closet, under the beds, in some dark corner or attic. Let me jog your memory…Do you remember all of the negative things that you have said to yourself this year? What about the ugly things you have done to yourself or you allowed others to do…you ate some bad food, over-worked, under-slept, and you allowed people to treat you like less than you are worth and/or be toxic toward you in your personal space. Let’s leave these things behind and move onward and upward!!

20194Now, I am not saying completely clean it all out because we don’t want to get rid of the lessons that came with all of those negative things, We have some memories that we are now fond of, qualities and characteristics that were earned the hard way, and plenty of lessons we need going forward. We have to take our time and sort through, think through it all and keep what will be beneficial.

It is time to face this new year with excitement and motivation. Sure, you can make a new year resolution or two….or twenty. Just make a promise to yourself that you can work with daily, for a long period of time. Take it one day at a time and put you first every once in a while. After that “home” of yours is cleaned up, it will feel bigger and will have room for what 2019 is going to bring. Be aware of everything and live with intention. Try not to miss a thing!!!

Blessings to you and Happy New Year!!

20191

 

 

 

I have no idea why I am feeling sad today

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I know I am not the only one…but why do I FEEL like I am the only one that gets bummed like this? I know that at some point, everyone gets sad, stressed, or pissed about something! But today, I am alone in my sadness, I know it!

Not one of us has a perfect life. Yeah, on Facebook and other social media outlets, we look like we have no debt, no diseases or issues but that is a fantasy…we all have something going on that we wish wasn’t. I am not going to lie, I do not put a lot about my life on there; mostly fun things with the boys, an encouraging word, or a selfie of when I was feeling super sexy….oh, and vacationing of course! We have sick/dying loved ones, failed relationships, and other obstacles and setbacks in our lives-every single one of us and those things do not make it to social media. Whether it is major or minor, we all have our moments…days…or years of what we would call craziness.

adult architecture attractive beautiful

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

One thing that I am learning is that sitting around feeling sorry for myself has never made the situation improve, nor have I felt any happier doing it. I mean it is ok to not feel ok. Period! We all have our bouts with anxiety and depression, anger and disappointment. We can see that in the recent large amount of awareness of mental health and its importance. Allow yourself to feel what you feel then seek the help you need to in order to feel how you really want to feel.

Everyone is going through something, remember that.  I always see couples that look like they have these fabulous relationships on Facebook. Some actually do, the others just want us to think they do but they are living in pain and loneliness and don’t wanna look like a failure on the book. It takes a lot of check-ups and check-ins, communication, self-development, and effort to have a true, great relationship, even when everyone is not 100% happy.

I get so frustrated with all of my worries! Right now I have been trying to acknowledge

grayscale photography of a pathway

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

that that is what they are, just worries, and half of the time the thing I am worried will happen doesn’t even happen. Own your worries! Don’t try to stop them. We should acknowledge them and as things happen, learn what we need to learn and keep it pushing.

I am guilty of spending a lot of time dwelling on the past and still worrying about what happened. I used to think over and over about what he said or what she did wrong. If we are still back there in our thoughts, we cannot be moving forward. We are a parked car. None of our worries, whether they are about the past or the future, will help us feel better, or get better for that matter.

DSC_2565Let us gain control of what we are thinking about and take the focus off of ourselves- at least all of the negative thoughts.  Work on changing those thoughts to positive ones or you can think about different ways to add value to the other people in your life. Talk to a stranger! I love talking to different people even if they have a view that I do not agree with. I am a journal writer so I say everyone should write daily about your feelings and your day. It always makes me feel better. Sometimes little things like that help, other times, things may be a little too heavy for that. Do whatever will make those hard times easier to manage ( but not the things that will make you dependent on them) so that you can get to the other side of the situation and say that you made it through.