Comfort Is For The Boring

comfort1There is nothing like a comfortable bed with lots of fluffy pillows and a nice warm blanket. I know this and I want that in my life…every night! I like my bed and other places that I sit and/or rest to comfortable, but what about my life? Just how comfortable do I want to be?

If you are presently comfortable with your life, your routine, and your relationships…I think it is time to force yourself to get uncomfortable.

Something that we need to think about is the more we sit still and be “happy”, the less we actually grow. The more we stretch beyond our comfort zone, the more we grow.

You know what is not comfortable for you, personally. Talking to people who are where you want to be in life. Going to places you want to go alone. Taking a chance on starting that business or writing that book you have been dreaming about.

When you realize that you just wash, rinse, and repeat daily, you have to throw a comfort2monkey wrench in that comfort and push yourself to do something out of your comfort zone. Start questioning yourself and your motives, saying no when you used to say yes, or yes when you always said no, go out instead of making excuses to stay in (that one used to be me….frequently!).

Getting out of our comfort zone is really the only way that we will see growth in this life. The more we do, the more confident we will be and the more self-assured. We may fail at times, but we will eventually fail our way to success if we learn something from the failure and take notes.

If you think you know your path and have everything you need to get there, you are way too comfortable and you may get your feelings hurt. Our thoughts cannot be set in stone about our future. God is the only one who knows and He will not let us know anything before its time. So for us, our path will never be clear, so we should just strap up our boots and enjoy the ride… and get uncomfortable. We never know how much more fully we will enjoy our lives or how truly happy we can be until we let go and face being out of our comfort zone.

comfort4So if you are living a mundane and routine life, I urge you to throw yourself a curve ball every once in a while. There is so much out there in the world to explore and learn. And what about those things that pop in your head that you want to try? Do not leave those things undiscovered if it is in your power to do them! I am sure that is not how you want to live. To do things you have never done, meet new people, have new discoveries and explore new places…that is when you will feel like you are doing more than existing.. you are LIVING and being the person you truly want to be. How do they say it? You will be “Living your best life!”

The only way to get there is just to do it! Get out of your comfort zone and see what your life can truly be. Get uncomfortable! There is nothing wrong with doing something for the first time, even at our age. We can be awkward and embarrassed while having new experiences, it’s ok. We can embrace those moments that we find ourselves in where we do not know what to do or say, oh well.

We are the only ones responsible for our lives and how we live in the end. You choosecomfort3 your emotions at the end of the day. How do you want to live this life? What attitude toward your life experiences do you want to have? Do you want to remain stagnant and “comfy” or grow while experiencing more of what life has to offer? I am learning more and more that when I open myself up to doing new things and learning from them, I feel more alive and confident in myself…the feeling is like no other!

So just do it…get uncomfortable and live your best life

 

 

What NO SLAVE November taught me.

noslavenovember2Don’t be jealous, but I only worked one week in November. I did not have to run around for the boys and home or slave over a hot stove cooking meals…. all of November!!! Ok, you should be jealous.

Anyway, I was out there in the deep blue sea taking time to recharge and to also plan. On my vacations I do want to rest, but I also take time to do something I have never done each day and I have my quiet time to think and plan my next moves, or think about what changes I would like to see in my home and within myself.  I am also a people watcher. Observing others help me to sometimes see myself and what I do not like about me that should change.

noslavenovember3We have to be honest with ourselves. No one wants to waste time, money, and energy while we make our mistakes. That is why it is important that we make an effort to learn from our mistakes. Of course, learning from our mistakes takes time. Some of us have to bump our heads on the same rock before we realize how much it really hurt right? On my vacations, I think about the past a lot; not to beat myself up but for reflection on the lessons and to pat myself on the back for getting through it all.

Sooooo….Some things that I have learned from my mistakes……

  • You do not know eerrrything!!!!! I know that this comes to a shock from some but it is true. We truly need to listen to the people that are smarter than us. We know who they are but we do not want to admit it. There are things that you want to achieve and many have come before you so be humble and surround yourself with those that can help. They say no man is an island…it’s true! Life is about fulfilling your destiny, collaborating with like minds and experiencing good while doing it.
  • Stop blaming others! I am so tired of hearing people blame others even for the smallest of things. I was at Red Lobster the other day and the girl never brought out my biscuits. At the end of my meal when she was bringing a box I asked her if I can get some biscuits since she never bought any out at all. We are at the end of the meal and she says “I am still waiting for them to bring some out of the oven.” Meanwhile, she had given some to her other to nearby tables. Just say you forgot and own your shit!! This is a small example and people do it on a much bigger scale at times….come on. Just own your part and move on!!!
  • Love is not what you think it is. A lot of us have a twisted way of thinking when it noslavenovember1comes to love. When others do not live up to those expectations, we flip out or leave. I don’t know whether you see it or not but that is called conditional love and a lot of people are guilty of it and protest when it is given to us. This is a hard lesson to learn and I am still learning it now. We have to let go of our expectations about love. We have to take the time to learn the person you want to love and love them the way they need it, not to your specifications. You will be a lot happier if you just cut people a break and teach them how to love you and learn how to love them.
  • You don’t have as much time as you think. When you were a teenager or younger, you thought that time was endless. You can do what you want, go wherever…..then BOOM, you’re 40! How much time have you wasted on things and people that did not matter? Do you like your job? The people in your life? You have to think about what you are doing with your time. We do not like when other people waste our time so why do we do it to ourselves?
  • Doing the hard things give me more pleasure in the end. I can say that I truly am NoSlaveNovemberin the mood to be quite lazy right now. At the same time I am thinking about focusing on my health, saving money, investing time on my blog and business…and in my relationships. These are all hard for me but my plan is to get on it! When we do the “hard” things, we end up feeling really good about them when accomplished. Tired after the gym….hugs from friends and family….feedback on the blog….money in my account from my business….I always feel a sense of accomplishment and it feels really good. I feel like I am doing more than existing…I am alive.
  • Every little decision we make affects the bigger things. We have to put some thought into what we are thinking. Thinking about that extra piece of pie, sleeping in later, skipping the gym, spending on the credit card to get that new Iphone or laptop. How is this decision going to affect your future? Will the outcome be favorable for your future? Remember that your life is the way it is because of a series of your smaller decisions. We are what we do daily…think about that and adjust accordingly.
  • Never Stop learning. We all know this. We have to keep learning or get left behind in this world of technology that we live in. We want to continue to learn more and develop more as a person. When you are not learning, you begin to feel stuck. It’s time to learn something, a hobby, read a new book, do something! We should push ourselves to learn something often, maybe even daily, no matter how small. noslavenovember4

Defining Success Your Way

successHow often have you really thought about what success means to you?

As a young person, I did not think about it much, but when I did, it usually depended on the car you had, the home you lived in and the money you made. When we are younger, we rarely get asked the question, we just watched how the people around us moved, lived, and what was important to them.

As we grow up, we go after what we think success is and keep looking around the corner for happiness to just settle in. We have the house, the car, the bank account, and the 2.5 children…..Happiness/Success, where are you?! We did all of the right things, so why don’t we feel successful?

success2The problem with that is, we allowed someone else’s life to define what success would mean for us. We were trying to live THEIR life, not our own and now we are not fulfilled or happy with the life we have. Looking back at our model of the happy life, we didn’t question happiness/success because what we saw was “normal”. “Normal”, to us, was what our neighborhood, families, friends, and community looked like…from the outside. We learned the rules and expectations of life from what we saw, heard, or was taught in our little worlds.

Now that we are grown, we are expected to have a certain education/training and make our way in the world, look and be “normal” and that is considered success. The problem with that, for me anyway, is that there cannot be a one size fits all path toward what the world sees as success. That path may be perfect  for one person, but it was not the path that I felt would make me feel successful or happy with my life. I am not good with taking someone’s rules and running with their exact game plan to live the life that they live.

Everyone has a different story. We can follow the rules to the letter and still not be success1happy. Your life can look good on paper and you still not feel like yourself, not successful or happy with what you have accomplished.

If you have ever felt this way, it does not mean that anything is wrong; you just thought that you were doing “the right thing”. Most of us were not taught that there was any other way to do things. Once we figure out that the path we took is not fulfilling for us, we need to do something about it;

not just continue to live a life that was not meant for us to live. What I learned that I could not continue to do was keep putting effort into something that was not working for me. That is called…wasting time!! All of that effort into what seems like a prison that you may never escape….but you’re comfortable, right?

success4That old way was not working so it was time for a change! I needed to sit down with myself and really give some thought to what I love doing and how it makes me feel. I wanted to create my own definition of success. What did that look like to me? What would success feel like? How would I know I was finally there? In order to know that, we have to look at what is important to us, then live our lives in a way that lines up with that definition. I mean, we really have to be deliberate about how we want to live and focus on what brings us that most value and joy.

To truly live your definition of a successful life, I don’t even think you have to change everything. Small things make a difference, one at a time. There is no wrong or right way, there is only your way. We learn along the way what lines up with our vision for our lives. We have to asked ourselves the hard questions like, what do you really want? You probably will need time to answer that so you have to be patient with yourself but you need to know in order to be truly happy. We will know we are truly happy when we feel it in our body…when we feel that rush of joy and thrill, and a real sense of freedom when we figure it out.

We have to consider all aspects of our lives when we think about being successful. Wesuccess3 have careers and jobs, yes, but what about our relationships, personal development, spiritual growth, health, hobbies and leisure?  We can’t go back but we can definitely start right where we are in order to change direction and get moving toward what success means to us.

We have a destination in mind but we have to get there somehow. Our journey is going to take us many places and we are going to discover so many things about ourselves. Where we are right now in our journey is not WHO we are. This is just one step, one part along that path. That means that there is no need to be hard on ourselves, and we do not need to quit! It’s never too late, we are not too old, or too stuck to stop and change direction to go toward a life that we can feel fulfilled in.

grateful1We may sometimes feel that the life we want will be impossible to attain, but this is a lie! We can always choose to do things differently. We all know the definition of insanity right? SO let’s not be or go insane! Small changes…it is a process and we have to practice. Let’s go…one step at a time, just keep going.

Alone And Not Mad About It

black and white black and white depressed depression

Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

When you are an introvert, people think something is wrong with you. Everyone loves a person that can work a crowd. Most people think to work in groups or on teams is the only way to find an answer to a problem. Are two heads really better than one? Is collaboration the only way of the future?

The more people that I talk to, the more I realize that there are a lot of people just like me. Sometimes I just don’t feel like going out to a party, or being the center of attention. My friends are always going out somewhere or hanging out over someone else’s house and I wonder why I just want to chill at home. Work in groups? Mostly, I would rather work alone! There is nothing wrong with me or many others. I read an article that says about 50% of the world feels the same way that I do.

people drinking liquor and talking on dining table close up photo

Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

Now don’t get me wrong, I like going out, having friends, or occasionally being the center of attention. It’s just that being with people is not where I get the most value from my life. Being around others, even on social media is fun for me, but I can only take small doses. I always try to have space in my day to be alone so that I can recharge because being around certain people for too long can be draining for me.

Working with people, I usually sit back and let them do all of the talking. I may add something here and there but I will leave it all up to the talkers to run the meeting. Leave me to work alone, you will be surprised at what I come up with. When going out with my friends, I like going to quiet places where we can talk. When I can talk to you and get to know who you are, I can get the most value out of the relationship.

I am an avid reader and a podcast girl and some things that I have learned recently have really helped to add value to my life for sure. I am not saying that an extrovert could not use these same tips, I just know that as an introvert, I have really been able to enjoy my time a whole lot more knowing this information……

  • Learn to be an observer. Just doing something as simple as taking a walk through
    man and woman with two children walking on forest

    Photo by Amber Morse on Pexels.com

    the park and watching people interact gives you a chance to learn how people operate when they think no one is watching. Learn to look at ordinary situations in new ways.

  • Close your eyes in a dark room and enjoy silence. If you had read a few of my posts, you know that I am into meditation. My world is so busy that if I don’t take a moment to step away from it, I would probably lose my mind. We learn more about ourselves in the moments when we are least busy; when nothing is distracting us from the thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves and our day.
  • Learn how to talk to yourself. It’s perfectly normal!! I promise. You’re only crazy if you have dialogue with yourself. We all have an inner voice that talks to us. If your inner voice is negative, you may need to distance yourself from it the way you would if it was any other negative person. We have to learn to kind to ourselves and stay positive.
  • Avoid mindless consumption. When I am by myself, it gives me time to think clearly about my life and the direction that I would like to go. Our surroundings are filled with so much noise, it is good to take advantage of quiet time to reaffirm the path your life is on. Mindless consumption? Things like too much TV, binging on Netflix, randomly surfing the internet…Facebook! We are all guilty at some point but think about an occasional change…you can never devote enough attention to coming to a clear answer.
  • Volunteer your time. Contribute something positive to the world. Being a loner does not mean that you have decided to sequester yourself from the world, it just means that you can surround yourself with people and not depend on them for your happiness. Volunteer your time to a cause you believe in…contribute.
  • Understand that you are good enough all by yourself. You have to know your worth. You are priceless…valuable! You do not need the approval of anyone else for that to
    love your life clipboard decor

    Photo by Natasha Fernandez on Pexels.com

    be a fact. When I am alone, it is because I choose to be. It is easy to find someone to spend your time with, but when your standards are high when it comes to who is in your life, you hold off until you know this person is a great fit for you.

  • Value other’s opinions, but value yours more. I do not ask anyone for advice unless I truly need it. The more time I spend with myself, the less input I need from others. Learn to trust yourself.  Not everyone has good intentions for the information that you are sharing and you know yourself better than anyone….trust yourself to solve your problem. When you trust yourself, you become stronger and more confident, which means that you will take on more challenges and accomplish things that you may have thought were impossible before.  You can, then, share your victory with your people and feel even better about your accomplishment.

Discipline…I have little

discipline1Whether it was my parents, teachers, or any adult for that matter, I heard “you must follow the rules”. Was anyone else told that you have to be patient? What about “do this or you will not go/get that? I was even made to believe at times that what I wanted to do as an adult probably would not happen, maybe I should have a back-up plan. Was anyone else told to stop dreaming?

I have not reached all of my dreams but I can definitely see them in the distance, which makes me work even harder to get to them. Part of getting there was turning off the voice of the naysayers and pushing harder past them. I, now, have my own salon business, building an event planning business, and I have recently added travel to the mix. My businesses are not always running extra smooth but I am working on it. I am learning extra fast that in order for me to be successful, I am going to have to get this discipline thing DOWN! Help me Lord!

discipline4I have to admit that sometimes I can really get caught up in my phone and when I realize that I am doing more phone than living my real life, I put it down and walk away. I watch what is going on around me. LIFE was happening right where I stand and I was missing it. I acknowledge that I have become distracted, then I look at my boys…at the people I see when I am shopping, at the movies, or out to eat, and we are ALL pretty distracted and missing a whole world that is still functioning and moving without us. I get on my boys about watching YouTube all of the time. The young one seriously sits there watching some child he doesn’t know playing….with toys or video games…whatever!!! I ask him, “Don’t you have that game?” Why doesn’t he just play it instead of watching some other child play? I do not get that. I mean, my confession is that I fall into the Pinterest blackhole many a night. That is just as bad!!! Sure these things give us a small amount of pleasure, and maybe a little knowledge but we are not getting any real fulfillment, not really.

Discipline is a very valuable skill set that we really need to develop. Someone else maydiscipline5 say intelligence but think about it, anything that you truly want to know can be Googled (shoulder shrugs). I am really trying to focus on my discipline and part of that process has been to shut off all of the noise in my life, focus, and get to work. Without discipline…focus…our lives just become a great big ocean wave. That wave is going to control every part of your day. We cannot let people and things distract us so much that we forget to live life. We cannot continue to let our goals sit on that back burner while we watch everyone else live their best life.

disciplineI have an APP on my phone that tells me how much time I spend on my phone. BOY, did this APP open my eyes! I was spending upwards of 8 hours (broken up throughout the day, of course) on my phone doing something. I can admit that it was mostly distractions like social media and puzzle games( I do read books on my phone as well). Think of how many moments  you waste refreshing your Facebook page to read the new posts, or checking your emails. Maybe you spend quite a bit of time checking your Instagram or Snapchat. Has anyone else done this? Or maybe you had goals to reach before Monday but you decided to binge on Netflix or that devil of a Firestick (I love my firestick lol)? My hand is raised high on all of those but I am learning and cutting down my time. I am now down to 4 hours a day and getting a massive amount of things done in my home. I want to get down to even less but I do run my businesses from my phone so that may be impossible.

We have to work on mastering the art of discipline. We have to occasionally shut out thediscipline3 noises and put ourselves first; put our goals before our entertainment. Write down something things you want to accomplish. I am a big journal writer so I support writing things down and making them plain! What do you want to do? Quit your job? Do what you Love for a living? Maybe you want to write a book, be your own boss, or change the world! Whatever it is, acknowledge it, see it in writing. Believe it! After you do all of that, do something to encourage you to move toward it. The biggest thing you could do is put your phone down and get started!

Start saying “no” to the distractions of life and get to work. Will you merely be a dreamer or do you want to live in the dream?

Kisses….