Life gives you what you need, not what you want.

wantsneedsLooking back, the transition form girl to woman or boy to man brought pain, excitement, and awe to us all. We all had many different experiences that may have carried along with it more of one than the others, but we are growing and we made it!!! Despite everything trial…we have conquered and learned…I hope.

I still believe that I am young (45 and still hot as ever!) and when I think back through my decades and what I wanted, I realize that although I did not always receive what I wanted (hardly ever, actually), I did always get what I needed at that particular stage in my life. In my twenties, and going into my thirties, I wanted attention. When you get attention, it feels like approval. Approval meant that they loved me, love meant that I was worthy. To get that attention I tried to follow every trend and fad, I changed who I was many times depending on who I was around to please them and I tolerated abuse and misuse just to have people around. OK, I know I am not the only one here!! It took me a while to see that the attention never did satisfy the emptiness that I was feeling. That kind of emptiness cannot be filled with compliments, a raise, or a lover.

wantsneeds2While moving through my thirties, I felt that I had gotten a lot stronger and wiser because of my experiences in my twenties. I mean, I had truly weathered some storms and lived through some crushing disappointments. I had earned my stripes man!! So now I was seeking to be a fully grown woman and be more balanced, not just for myself, but for the boys because I noticed how aware they had become of me. They were watching and I wanted their lives to be so much more rich (and maybe a little easier) than mine had been as a child. I have to admit that I worked way too much in my thirties and missed some huge things that my boys went through. What I did learn is just how out of balance I really was. So I went from seeking attention to extreme busyness (smh). Why do we get so much validation from our busyness? And still for me…something was still missing. I was letting my ambition beat balance. The biggest thing that I needed to acknowledge was love. The love that was sitting around in my life waiting to be seen and nursed nursed. The love that was true and pure and just for me. It forces you grow up and dig deep and cause you to desire and create balance between work and play.

The love that I needed had to start with me first. Let me say this, no matter who you arewantsneeds1 in relationship with…parents, children, friends, coworkers, or your lover, it is paramount that you be your own first true love. I didn’t know that so it didn’t start out that way for me but now, boy, do I absolutely love me some me!! One thing I had to do to get to that point was to leave the past in the past. Childhood fears will have you walking around with shame about your worth , keep you holding on to labels from the past. Why? Those things happened to you, they do not define you. They definitely were an important part of shaping you into the person you are today but never fret!! Be thankful. Most strong and successful (and balanced) people have been through all kinds of hell to get to the place they are today and they do not despise those small and sometimes tumultuous beginnings.

As we live these lives we have been given, we have to be bold enough to dream our own dreams and fortify our confidence in them with plenty of self love. That self love does not have to depend on having an overloaded schedule or all of the attention you can stand. Self love happens when we are totally honest with ourselves after deep examination and ultimately forgiving ourselves completely….then moving on! It takes time and patience but it is totally worth it to do, and you can start immediately. Begin creating a relationship that will give you a balance of mind, body and soul….a mind that can go below the surface, a beautiful spirit, transparent heart…an authentic relationship with the greatest person you know, you! Becoming more aware of you may help you see who is supposed to be with you on this journey and help you to create an environment that is conducive to success…

Let us not blame others or ourselves for not living up to some absurd ideal. Pay close attention to who you are today and listen carefully, be good to yourself and forgive quickly….then move forward, always forward! When you wake and lie down at night, be the person that loves and supports you most for the beautiful and fallible person you are.

Many Blessings….


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