Can you move on from a relationship without closure?
How do you find closure when a relationship has ended? Have you been able to close that chapter or come to peace with what happened or did not happen in and for the relationship?
Exactly how hard was it for you to move past the temptation of calling and/or texting that person just one more time? Did you really need that last conversation for reassurance…to know that you were making the right decision?
Closure means so many different things to each of us. I think that we should not look to the people exiting our lives to give it to us.
Do you really need closure? Seriously…
We may need it, but not exactly how they show it on tv or in a book. That apology from an
ex, or that last conversation with this person that you thought was a good friend may not be necessary. You don’t need to sit around talking about what happened and what didn’t. Nor do you need to try to find some kind of common ground on why it happened…trying to tie up any loose ends.
I have been through many a break up…friends, family, or otherwise and I figured out that this kind of closure was nowhere near what I needed. You waste so much time and energy trying to get others to see “your side”. In the end, the relationship is broken and you only need to pick yourself up, take what you learned from the relationship and move forward.
When I think about it, closure really comes from what we say to ourselves. It also comes from what we DON’T say to ourselves. If it has anything to do with anyone else, it means that we have to ask someone’s permission to move on….to live our lives. For me, that is absolutely insane! The closure we need is going to come from within…periodtttttttt.
I have no idea why, but for some reason many of us want to hear them say it. We turn to them for the final say; to say it is finished and absolutely done! Why? Closure is not something that is given to us. We do not receive closure, we create it. You create it. Do you understand that?
I have gone through a few of these separations recently. Let me spare you the details. I found myself wanting to know what went wrong from their side. Why? I knew that the events that lead up to me separating myself from them were reason enough to sever ties. Why did I need the last call/text though? To know for myself that I had no more room, no more f%^&s to give to the circus I had allowed in my life? Silly me…
Closure does not have to have an apology attached to it. We do not have to go back and rehash the situation. There does not have to be another call, text, email, or anything else in order to move on. Put the boundaries where they need to go and skate! I have not looked back since. It is a process, I can’t lie about that.
You may find yourself wanting to reconnect later on down the line. If you feel that you have boundaries set, it can be healthy, depending on the way things happened. I am very mindful of HOW they play a part in my life if there is a return. Their intentions better not be the same or I am quick to play Casper…
Closure is not going to come from those that exit your life. It is going to come from you.
We can create our own peace about the situation. Try embracing the truth about the event. There may be situations where the other person just does not have the tools to give you the answers you would like, and/or they may not be alive to give you what you long for. Those messy endings and unfinished chapters/books are never gonna make any sense to us. Make the choice to speak life into yourself and LIVE!
I have come to a place where I actually have fights with myself about my desire for closure. I like to have periods and exclamation marks or whatever at the end of my sentences. This makes me crazy; trying to search for those things. Even worse, I have left doors open because I wasn’t sure I wanted the mess to be over. Did I say that out loud?
It is true! My desire for apologies and explanations, breakdowns and proof made me crazy. I made excuses for others for why they treated me the way they did. I also felt bad for not understanding why their behavior was less than favorable toward me. Crazy right? Thank God for growth and my desire to be honest with and love myself thoroughly!
Some stories in our lives won’t have endings. They won’t. As much as that honestly hurts me when it comes to some, I have to know that in my soul and push on. You won’t get the apology you want. I won’t get the answers I deserve. That official goodbye…that probably won’t happen.
Build a bridge and get over it! Create the closure for yourself and get the peace you need. Who you are is not going to be attached to this person giving you what you think you need to move on. You probably will not come to common ground on the events that led up to the end. Guess what, if you came out and ask them for permission to move on, what do you think would happen?
Do you really need to hear sorry?
Reassure yourself of your value. You did not lose you in the process of losing them. If you
think you did, you have some work to do. You can give yourself the closure you need. It can happen, even with the loose ends and unanswered questions in your life. That door was closed for a reason, whether you closed it or they did. Know that…
Find peace in knowing that you brought all of you to the table and gave what you could. It doesn’t always yield us what we desire…we do learn something from it. Another tool in our box to be another step closer to success later on with someone who deserves it.
This is something that I am continuously working on and I see the strength that I have gained in the lessons. The stripping of my ego, the vulnerability, the freedom. All making me even more beautiful from the inside out. It is not easy or quick, but it is worth it.
Allowing yourself the grace and compassion to grow through these experiences is sexy. It feels much better to give it to yourself than to depend on receiving it from others.
For more on closure…….An excellent read!