Happy, Not Happy

happynothappy2Sometimes life throws us curve balls. And sometimes those curve balls put us in dark and lonely places. Maybe you received some bad news, a loved one is lost, you are in pain, a break up, or you are just having a bad day at work. Anything can happen! None of these things are favorable, true, and no one would be thinking about being happy in the middle of such terrible situations. When we experience these things we ask questions like… Why God? Will things ever get better? Why me?

When we are going through,  we may be able to fix these situations….other times, we cannot do anything about them. This does not necessarily mean that we can’t find happiness and look for that silver lining in the middle of our pain. Happiness is always possible. It is a choice and no person, material item, or experience should have the power to control your happiness.

It is definitely possible to be happy while going through. We just have to learn a new coping skill or two….or three… four (shrugs)…


  • First of all, I believe we need to see our pain as a sign that we are alive! We have to acknowledge it, feel it…see it, for real. We cannot allow ourselves to go numb or try to avoid the feeling. It does hurt, life does…but we can push through. Being alive means that we will feel love, fear, excitement, joy….even pain. Life is going to give us all of the ups and downs that come with living. Life can be an incredible journey if you really stop to think about it.
  • Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Most people want to get away from pain once it starts. They ignore it, use things and people to comfort them from the pain, lash out, and other ways to distract themselves. Its human! But once we escape the pain, we realize that it was temporary. Life has a way of allowing those things to revisit us to perfect our character. All it does is prolong the issue and a lot of times make the pain worse. Allow yourself to feel the pain and tell yourself that your feelings are valid. Pause and go ahead and feel the intensity of it. Then realize that it didn’t kill you and and this is where the healing and growth begins.happynothappy4
  • Gratitude….I have a gratitude journal that I keep in my purse because my days can be crazy and the beautiful things may slip through the cracks. The smell of fresh flowers, the smile on his face, the sound of laughter, or touch of silk sheets, your breath….these are some of the things you can find gratitude for….even this moment. Find three things that made your heart smile and write them down, no matter how small. We have to learn to be immersed in the moment, be fully alive and aware of the experiences we are having. We have so much to be grateful for, the big and the small. We take things for granted like our very eyesight and the touch of a loved one, or even just having a relationship with them.
  • Realize that you are alive! You are…feel your pulse. When we are in our worst moments we can take a deep breath and realize that we are alive enough to have had that experience, heard that news, or said goodbye to that person. We can find joy in knowing that at the very least, we are alive to go THROUGH what we are going through.


This is hard, trust me I know. I have had a lot of negative experiences, great and small. There is no magic to this but we can make an effort to try to feel some happiness by remembering the good moments and smiling through while we heal.

Bad things happen, that is our reality. No one’s life is perfect and we are all allowed to be unhappy at times. Although most of these things are out of our control, if we have the right perspective, we will find a little happiness in the not-so-happy times.

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