Everyone one of us encounter people that come in and out of our lives. Some are there for many many years, others, for a month or just a few days. It has happened since our birth and will continue on until we are no more. Even when we cross paths with someone for a brief hello and bye, we have to know that there is a reason and it will leave some kind of impact on our lives, no matter how small the meeting. Each person we encounter from our parents and family, friends, coworkers, strangers, and our enemies play a part in shaping the type of individual that we become. Think about how many people you have encountered up ’til now. I am sure that I cannot even think of each and every person so I will not have a number. I just know that it has been a whole lot! Really, the number isn’t that important, but what is important is the quality of those encounters. What changed us(if anything), how the meeting made us feel, and what was created out of the interaction.

Now the longer they are in our lives,  we see more challenges (and opportunities for growth) as we have to work through the changes of the seasons with these individuals. Look back on some of your friendships and how they have evolved over time. I connected a few years ago with two slightly older than me women and over time, we began doing more than just their hair. We were hanging out and having lunch, planning cruises, and laughing about life together. Recently, just early this morning, one of these women passed away and all I can think about is the impact she has had on my life, her family, and how much I will miss her smile that I was missing anyway because they had recently moved to Florida. Another relationship was a woman I met at the salon as well. This one was different because she wanted to look like the person in the picture all of the time. Everyone knows that stylist are not magicians…right?! Anyway, after a year together, I decided to make myself unavailable for her. Not because of her hair, but her personal life. She began asking me to help her do things like find someone to tattoo her make up, or calling me to ask me about my opinion on her getting plastic surgery, or kicking her son out of her home. I knew that our relationship was supposed to include nothing but hair but she wanted more and I was not willing to participate. When you think about some of your own encounters, you may have met someone in line at a store, started a conversation and have been close friends now for 20 years, or shared a wonderful relationship with a significant other and thought that they were “the one”, only to see the relationship split after a year or two.

We may see some relationships as something that was “meant to be” or a coincidental event, either way, these individuals have a purpose to serve in our lives. They are there to do something for you just as you are there for them. We have to see these interactions for what they truly are and recognize when they are at the end. You go through your good and not-so-good times and share many life experiences, but when the majority of your time together is on the down side, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. Ending long relationships like that can be hard, but it is necessary so that things do not continue to decline and you resent each other. You may not have similar goals, priorities and interest anymore and some people get so comfortable with life that they do not have a desire to grow and you may be on the fast track! No hard feelings, but you cannot drag someone through life and expect to get where you wanna go in good time, if at all. We are all responsible for our pace, our journey. It is exhausting to try to push the ones you love through life.

You have to keep moving forward at your pace so that you are happy and satisfied that you are living your life to the full. It may take a while to come to terms with the end and it may get rough, just move on. You will feel better after detaching yourself from someone that may be weighing you down. We have to continue to evolve and this move may give you the strength that you need to finally realize your dreams.

I think about my relationships from time to time to see if there are any that are slowing me down. It is important that I love the people in my life and that those feelings are reciprocated.  I only want people in my life that are capable of loving me fully and unconditionally because I am very strong but imperfect at best. SO….what have I learned in my reflections?

• It doesn’t matter how long someone has been in your life, it’s quality over quantity. Think about this…the doctor that saved your mother’s life or the friend that has been a vampire for the past 10 years. Their importance is very different right?
• I would rather be a person who chooses no love over bad love. This one was hard for me, no lie. If you drop something that is holding you down, your hands are free to hold something else…..phew, was that a lesson for me! If they don’t add to it, they are just subtracting from it or doing nothing at all. Know your worth and what you deserve. It takes courage to stand up for yourself all by yourself. Good people, good vibes, and good love….#mylifegoals
• Sometimes you have to be selfish and end a relationship. Do not feel bad about loving yourself more than you love the person or the situation. It is not benefiting you spiritually…emotionally…you are mentally drained? End it! When it comes to your growth and development, you should be selfish. Your life depends on it.
• Learn from the relationship. The saying, “chew up the meat and spit out the bones”….DO THAT!! See the positive things that happened in the relationship and what you can learn from the negative. Bring those things with you moving forward. Thinking about the bad stuff has no benefit for you. You have been through a lot in this experience. What have you learned in this?

We have to love ourselves enough to let go of what is making us sink. Living to please others will only make you miserable. We should want to help others but if you see that they really do not want the help, don’t feel bad about deciding to stop helping. Wasting time is not a cool way to spend your life. You cannot save anyone from drowning if you can’t swim yourself. Help yourself first.