5 Things We Need To Stop Saying

mindset4“The mind is everything. What you think you become.” -Buddha

This is something I have really had my mind on lately! I have been working on thinking about what I am thinking about. It really makes a huge difference in my day…my attitude about what is happening for me, what I am doing, how much I am actually getting done. I work on not spending much time with what Joyce Meyer’s calls “stinkin. thinkin'” daily.

So what mindset shifts have I been working on to get things rolling so I can feel more fulfilled in my life? These can actually happen without physically changing anything in your life.

STOP Saying…

  • I will do/be (blank) once I have (blank)- We have to stop thinking that we will mindset2change once we have the results that we want. I don’t know about you but to me, that is almost backward thinking. To get the results we desire, we have to change the way we are thinking, our words, and our actions first. So we should change this statement to I need to do/be (blank) so I can have (blank). It is truly our beliefs and actions that create our circumstances, not the other way around.
  • Everything is either negative or positive- We have a habit of polarizing situations. In reality, everything is really balanced. Every situation that we experience is neither positive or negative until we attach our emotions and feelings to them. We do not want to be super negative, but we also don’t want to be overly positive either. That will make us overly naive and we can miss some warning signs, and maybe even attract negative situations to our lives in order to balance things out. I have been working out looking for the benefits and lessons, also the drawbacks in each situation and trying to understand that everything is really neutral.
  • mindset1I can’t- The quality of our lives can be determined by the quality of our questions. We need to stop looking at our skills a being limited and start framing our thought to be “how can I?”. Don’t say “I can’t afford that…”. Instead ask yourself, “How can I afford that?”. We have to work on rewiring our brains to ask how things will be possible instead of focusing on what is lacking. Speak opportunity!
  • This is happening to me- This was actually a hard one for me. I threw myself pity parties a lot in my earlier adult years and looking back, I would have been so annoyed to be around me back then. I have been to counseling a few times since then and I can remember one of them telling me to change the “to” in that phrase to “for”. This is happening FOR me! When we say it the other way, we are giving our power away and victimizing ourselves….WOW. When we change it to this is happening FOR me, we are showing gratitude for the experience (even if we do not like it) and we look for the opportunity and blessings in the experience. As soon asmindset we hear ourselves saying something that puts us in the victim role, we have to reframe our thinking about how the event is serving our well being.

These are really simple things that I am working on and I know that it is going to take some time. We have to train our minds and when we stop working on it, we will see ourselves slipping back into our old habits. We have to work daily to rewire our thought patterns. I am constantly reading books, listening to podcasts, talking to like-minded people, saying daily affirmations, and meditating to reinforce the mindset that I want to have. Work on one at a time. Knock one down and work on the next. Slow and steady wins the race. Life is not a race but a marathon; rushing through may cause you to quit before you see the real benefits.

And GO!

 

 

The Hulu Original Shrill

ShrillOh My Goodness!!! So I ran into this show browsing through HULU. Now I was definitely not expecting it to be so good but I started with episode 1 and did not stop until the last episode. There were so many funny moments and unexpected ones as well. What I really LOVE about the show is the main character, Annie. She wants to change things in her life but her body is not one of them. She is a plus-size woman that is trying to start her career and has to deal with a perfectionist boss. Meanwhile, she has a sick parent, she’s juggling a few bad lovers, and all the while trying to embrace her size and love the skin she is in.

This show made me smile, cringe, cheer, and drop a tear or two because it is so relatable. We now live in a time where we are beginning to Shrill3acknowledge the plus size community and this show is confronting all of the bad blood that was so present in the past…even still today. 

This show definitely reminded me that although I am not picture perfect to everyone, I definitely belong in the place and space I am in. I still struggle with being completely comfortable in my skin but when I saw Annie “get free” in the pool scene, I saw myself. Sometimes we Shrill2just have to say, F$%k it!!!! This summer I am coming out of my thoughts and rocking my clothes. You know, the ones we buy, try on at home, but never wear them outside because we are worried about the judgement of petty people. The dresses and swimsuits are coming out of hiding! 

Shrill will bring you out of your shell and let you see that you are perfect just the way you are. We all want to get to the point where are comfortable in our own skin, not wishing that we had someone else’s.

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If you have ever felt unattractive or have had someone insult you about your size, you will absolutely love this show. Annie is a hero that speaks up boldly and honestly and touches the heart of all who is listening. This show is hilarious, brave, sad, and triumphant as it takes on culturally sensitive topics like casual sex, birth control, body shaming…even abortion. It is refreshing and honest and I cannot wait to watch season 2!

 

6 Reasons Why It Is Important To Laugh

laughter2There are so many events happening in the world that can stop us in our tracks and wipe the smile off of our faces. From weather events, school shootings, terrorist threats, and domestic violence (there are plenty more to name, right?), our world can be a sad place. We need to laugh! We need to hear a joke or something that takes us away from the pain of experiencing lack and heartbreak.

SO…why should we laugh?

  • Humor is one of the 24 characteristics related to well-being, according to the VIA Survey of Signature Strengths. It reflects on the ability of people to connect with one another and improving on it can show improvement in your overall happiness.
  • Laughing at yourself can improve your self-esteem. If you are someone who takes yourself very seriously, you probably cannot laugh at yourself. Even just a little playfulness with regard to how you see yourself can help you see and celebrate how unique you are. IT may even stop you from comparing yourself to others, which is not very funny at all. I know that I feel better in my skin when laughter has a chance to relieve some of my self-imposed pressure.
  • Having a sense of humor helps to reduce stress by helping us to trust our instincts. It is so important that we feel like we can trust ourselves when it comes to the curveballs that come our way. A lot of us are prone to anxiety and worry so at times, we just get swept away by all of the “what ifs” of this life. When we can see the comedy in our experiences, we can move through them quickly, with calmness and efficacy.
  • Smiling has its benefits! Smiling alone can improve health and longevity. Imagine iflaughter3 you put smiling and laughter into the same moment….we will more than likely see an improvement in our social relationships too!
  • Humor improves our likeability. It is human nature to want to be like, although we should not go out of our way to impress people, that is dangerous and unhealthy. People love to be around people that make them feel good and have a solid sense of humor. They say that social relationships are one of the highest indicators of happiness, being more playful can amp up your likeability, and therefore your overall well-being.
  • Lightening up helps you solve problems. I am a mom, and when they were little, I had to get on their level in order to get things done. Being creative and playful will helped us come up with games to get everyone to work together and get things done. It may also help with minimizing embarrassment around others when we talk about the same things happening to us in a light-hearted way.

How can we improve our sense of humor?

  • laughter1Smile more. They make people feel good and you never know what people are going through. That smile can be a healer.
  • Get silly. Children are always willing to be goofy. My boys have me on guard all day long because I never know what will be said to have me bent over laughing until I cry.
  • Get some perspective. I have so many things happen in a day sometimes that I just wanna scream! I have to take a deep breath and think about things…look at the bigger picture, then laugh at myself. Yes, they may have been embarrassing but now that I survived it, it was funny as heck!
  • Listen to music. Music is such a huge therapist for me. Every Sunday after church, laughteryou can find this girl playing music and dancing in the kitchen. I have mini-concerts in my car, larger ones in the shower … I mean Grammy-worthy (sorry not sorry). Music is such great medicine.
  • Think about a comedian or person in your life that seems to take things lightly. When things get difficult, think about what that person would do in your situation. Taking a cur from someone you admire can make you become more approachable and relatable…

And more human!

We have a choice in how we want to see our lives. We can choose to be uber-serious or we can see our experiences as assignments that will eventually help someone else when we survive it. While we know that there are some things we will never be able to laugh at, as often as we can, we should remind ourselves that everything is not to be taken so seriously. And we will know what those things are.

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Happy Birthday To Me!

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This year has been all about me trusting myself. I was really bad at doing that. I have to confess that I did not trust myself and I was a severe overthinker. I am using year 46 to trust myself and use my time doing as opposed to thinking about doing.

In other words, I am saying “F” it!

img_1584.jpgI am going to do it, say it….travel, wear, write, fly, love…do whatever it is that I am always thinking about doing.

I know that I am not the only one over here that rarely takes immediate action. No…I know better! I overthink and overthink and overthink…you probably do too!

When we overthink, we are letting ourselves know that we do not trust our gut. If we are not listening to our gut, we end up paralyzed by things we do not have or characteristics we have not developed yet, the things you have yet to win or receive, and the happiness that you have been hoping for. Overthinking makes us focus on what we do not have and what we are not. Not cool…I quit! Know what else? It leads to nothing getting done…even worse.

When I finally decided, on Christmas Day, that I was gonna say “F” it to overthinking and start listening to my gut, I pay more attention to what I can control and what I already have. I have become more positive, more grateful, and life seems so much more simple.

How am I learning to trust myself more?

First I listen to podcasts! One of my very favorites is Having it A.L.L by Michael Bivens.

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He recently did a Trust Challenge and I joined it. I had so much fun and it was more than an eye-opening experience. I learned so much about myself and I have been continuing on and trusting myself even more now than I ever have. Look him up! His podcast is awesome and you will not be sorry.

I am learning to act when I come up with an idea. Research something, do something that supports the idea so that it does not just sit there and fade into the background. The more time I wait, the more doubt sets in…I question myself and start to focus on what I do not have and how I fall short. Not happening anymore!!! “F” that!

When we put actions to our thoughts, the experience itself will trump everything else. Experience will replace the thoughts of coming up short. When you get an idea..act!! The more we practice, the more tools we gain to add to our tool belt of experience. Doing this, happybirthday1you find out how right your gut can be. I know that since I have begun this journey, I have to stop wasting time worrying and just do what I feel will add to who I am. No more limits!

I have to tell you that this season of my life had been so freeing! I am liberated and have lifted the burden of overthinking and I am in the process of being free from it. I have so much more positive energy and I absolutely love who I am becoming. I am no longer wasting time on things that I cannot control or scenarios that do not matter.

Happy Birthday to ME!!!XGJI6585

 

 

 

10 Ways To Show Yourself Some Respect

I just want to say that loving and respecting yourself does not mean that you are self-centered or narcissistic. For me, self-love is not just for me, it is for the people that I am dealing with. When we are displaying self-respect, we are amassing a deep sense of self-worth… letting ourselves know that we are worthy of receiving love and then giving love. Sometimes, we go about doing it the wrong way. We look for our self-worth by searching for “likes” on Facebook/Instagram or buying the next new gadget, when no external factor will give us the self-respect that we crave.

10 ways that we can show ourselves some self-respect:

  1. Figure out what makes you respect yourself. For me, one thing that allows me to respect myself is to do something or be somewhere, barring emergencies of course, that I said I would.  I feel great when I do what I say I am going to do. Also, doing for others in the world I care about builds a lot of self-respect, reading my devotionals, meditation, and disconnecting from my devices by 10pm so that I can wind down and get a  good night’s rest…all of that helps to build my self-respect.
  2. Be honest with who you are and who you are NOT. Once you have spent time respectyourself3alone and you get to know what makes you feel good, be clear about it. Not just when you deal with yourself but when you are with others. Leading with honesty is less stressful and can be more enjoyable.
  3. Stop trying to be NORMAL!  Be yourself…for real. Yes, you are real…weird…strange…bold, quirky or whatever…just do it! It can be hard but take ownership of the different things about you…then use them to your advantage. After all, do you really want to blend in? Boring…
  4. Define your own boundaries. Listen, most people do have good intentions, but remember that their emotional baggage will come with their advice. When people say to you, “you shouldn’t” or “you can’t”, you have to ignore that until you sit down with yourself and really figure out what is true.
  5. Say NO! This is such a big problem for me…for real for real. It does not make you a bad person to tell others no, it makes you strong and respectable! I have to learn to stop saying yes to things that I do not want to do so that I can create more time and have more energy to do the activities and be with the people that genuinely make me happy.
  6. respectyourselfYour identity is not in your genes. We love our families and there are both good and bad memories attached to our childhood but at some point, we must realize that those things do not define who we are today. Lineage is complex and lengthy and continues to effortlessly be passed from one generation to the next. We all have a choice to say, “This will not be my story. I am not my genes.”
  7. Be willing to accept your reality. We have to see people and things the way they really are. Sometimes it can be painful to acknowledge a problem, either with ourselves, with others or a situation. If we don’t deal with our problems, our situations prolong and maybe even escalate. If we go about life this way, we are not respecting our time or energy and how can we ask others to respect our time and energy when we do not offer ourselves that courtesy.
  8. Apologize! Saying “I’m sorry” is a hard and unpleasant action but when it is necessary, mean it. Make sure you apologize without making excuses or pleading your case and be absent of any negative attitude.
  9. What you accomplished today? That was enough! It is so easy for us to chain ourselves to a list of things to do and then beat ourselves up when things do not get done. We need to be kind to ourselves when things do not go as planned. We do not need to be self-critical and judgemental toward ourselves. It is self-defeating and it doesn’t help you cross anything off of the list. If things do not get done today, put it on your list for tomorrow and the next day and the next…eventually you will get tired of writing it down and just do it! 20193
  10. Love on yourself. Along with having a relationship with others, we have a relationship with ourselves. That is right, your most important human relationship is the one that you have with YOU. The more we take care of our health, the more we thrive. We may not like the way we look in the mirror but we do not have to tell ourselves self-depreciative things that make us feel worse. Stand in that mirror and tell yourself three things that you love about yourself every morning. If it will work better, get out a sticky note and write yourself a love note. I have my boys write 3 affirmations on a big index card and put them on the bedroom doors every Monday that way they read it often so they are speaking good of themselves and getting it into their hearts.

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It is said that we should treat others the way we want to be treated.  We should also treat ourselves the way that we would want others to treat us. We really should not make our primary focus our perceived flaws and faults. If we are doing that, we are also giving the world permission to focus on them too.

Tell Me How You Really Feel

howifeel4Question… What do you really think of yourself?

Do you love yourself? Do you think highly of yourself? Are you pleased with the way you think, act, speak, and look? Seriously, do you like the things that make you who you are?

I am asking because I recently had to ask myself those questions and when I thought about it, I kind of shrieked a bit! I am really big right now in getting to know myself and I was wondering if you know how important that is for us all. Yes, getting to know you is a long, drawn-out mission that is going to take you the rest of your life…it is, after all, part of the reason we are here.

How we see ourselves is a big part of what tells us how happy, frustrated, angry, or pleased we are in general.

We are complicated people, but do not give up on getting to know yourself! I mean, whohowifeel2 wants to just wake up and float through life, not standing for anything, or having a goal to push through and live out their dreams. I am all about going for and doing what you love. What is the saying? “Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life.” That is my goal. God wakes me up every morning…my dreams are what get me out of bed to chase them in order to live a beautiful life and leave a legacy for my children. If you do not know yourself, waking up is probably a chore and eventually, you will dim your inner fire, that thing that gets you out of bed.

I don’t know about you, but I wanna know myself…everything! I want to understand what makes me tick so that I can make the choices that get me to a place of happiness and I can have a fulfilled life. I am still working on getting to know myself like I said, it is going to take a lifetime. I am learning that what has been helping me grow the most has been spending time alone. It is something that I need to do more often. I know…yeah, yeah, that does sound cliche, but seriously, it’s a must-do!

howifeel1Are you even comfortable being alone?

I know a few people that cannot stand to be alone. They have to have company until they fall asleep, they have to be on the phone with someone, in a room talking with someone, almost like they can’t stand the thought of spending time with the most important person in their lives…them.

Are you comfortable with just doing your own thing? just being alone…with just you and your thoughts?  Sounds kind of dangerous depending on who you are I’m sure but alone time is BOMB! It affords you the opportunity to really get to know you, while you are being your authentic self.

When we spend time with other people, we adjust who we are. We may not realize that that is what we are doing, but we do, even if it is ever so slightly. We filter ourselves based on who we are with. This means we do not always say what we mean or mean what we say…maybe we do not end up doing what we really want to do either. We are just not always ourselves…except when we are alone. When we are alone, we are free! We think, and express ourselves just the way we want to. We take time to reflect, we think about what we love and what we do not care for and we do it without interruption.

When we spend time alone being ourselves, we gain a sense of responsibility. We carehowifeel3 for ourselves, listen to ourselves and realize that being a little selfish is not a  bad thing. We also get alerted to our own bullsh*t. When you are alone and that alarm goes off that tell you that you are not being yourself. The more time you spend alone, you can train yourself to stop filtering your thoughts…and train your brain to listen to everything and ignore nothing. Everything is important!

I am indeed a social butterfly when I want to be. I love planning trips, going to parties, have fun weekends, and going out with friends..I just know that I need to do my thing too, alone. I need that time…to do me, no pressure, no agenda.

In time, you will value that time, trust me. I used to be somewhat of an extrovert, but as time has gone on and I have gotten older (and wiser, of course), I really value time alone. Now that I have been enjoying that time alone, I have truly developed my bulls**t alarm and I pay attention to what I really need and want and adjust what I do and say.

So hang out with the ones you love but get alone every once in a while so that you can learn to hold yourself accountable for taking care of that very important person in your life…you.IMG_0227

Trying something new! Crystals

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So I told myself that I would be trying a lot of new things this year. I want to conquer my fears and answer some questions this year. I want to learn as many things as I can learn and stop saying the words “I’m sorry” because it’s not true (I will go into that one on another day).

Crystals have been used throughout history as a source of healing power. The ancient cultures have used crystals and precious stones for clearing and transforming energies, spirit, and physical, along with the alignment of the body. The Mayans, the Egyptians, and the Sumerians were some of the ancient cultures that used crystals as adornments for the body and buildings.

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It seems like the information about the healing properties of these crystals and stones have been forgotten by many but there has been a recent surge of interest in them again.  I am always down for a little more ancient education so this is one of the new things that I am going to try.

How do they work? Ok, so the entire universe is made up of energy. Even solid objects, like this chair I am sitting in, and the hair on our heads, at the most basic levels, are vibrations of energy. That means that crystals are made up of the same kind of energy.

Crystals are in a lot of things like our quartz watches, the components in our computers and smartphones, even in our medications! The crystals and stones are used to heal everything from migraines to anxiety and more. I read in my research that healing crystals can accelerate your medication practices, align your chakras ( we will be visiting this one soon as well) to name a few things. There is no limit to the healing you can get with the right crystal or stone and the right application.

There are 3 ways that crystals and stones can transform your energy and resolve your

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imbalance

  • Clearing. This happens when the crystal absorbs and removes certain types of energies from your body.
  • Energizing. They can also push energy into your body, mind, spirit through inducing resonant frequencies, the way electricity works…except crystal healing does not cause pain and is not dangerous.
  • Balancing. Sometimes our energy is out of balance, and certain crystals help to balance out areas of energetic disharmony.

There are a few ways to use healing crystals. You can wear them, meditate with them, Sleep near them, place them in your home or car, or using something called a healing grid (I don’t know about all of that).

Now I did also read that because the crystals were somewhere absorbing energy before you received them, it is good to “cleanse their energy” and align it with yours by soaking then in purified water, salt water, or holy water. And be sure to clean your crystals after each use.

Now for some samples…..

White/clear crystals are very absorbent. They are perfect for learning and cleansing any type of energy. Examples are Quartz, Moonstone, and Selenite.

Brown crystals and stones are grounding, meaning they guide, protect, and clear. Use them when you are trying to make room in your life for a new job or relationship. Some examples are Tiger’s Eye, Halite, or Petrified wood.

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Blue healing crystals are all about openness and communication. These can be used when you are looking for truth to be revealed or finding your own truth. Some examples are Sapphire, Sodalite, Angelite.

Violet is one of the most powerful colors of our color spectrum. It combines warm and cool and vibrates at a very high frequency (of course, it’s my favorite color!). Violet crystals are perfect when you need uplifting and can induce a spiritual experience or call on a higher power to guide you. Examples are Amethyst, Iolite, and Sugilite.

Pink makes us think about romance and love. It can bring about loving energy and compassion.  Pink also deflects anger, which helps to draw in romance or just cause you to feel the love.

Black is for protection. The black healing crystals deflect everything. They are strong so if you want to repel any kind of energy at all so you can use them to drive all negativepexels-photo-682952.jpeg energies away from you.

Indigo is calming and brings soothing energy your way. It will help you to cool out when you are carrying anxious, fragile energy. Some examples are Kyanite, Azurite, and Lazuli

Green is for balance. These have been used for physical healing. Too much of anything can cause illness in our bodies and green healing stones are said to redirect our energies and balance them out…hence balancing your body. Some examples are Jade, Emerald, and Malachite.

Orange is soothing and energizing. The healing stones release negative energy and clear out a room for a boost of energy. They are best used when you are feeling down. Examples are Copper, Sunstone, and Aragonite.

Yellow is great for reorganizing your energy patterns. When you are thinking about trying to instill a new habit or even breaking an unhealthy one, think of using these sunny gems. Some examples are Amber, Sulphur, or Mookaite.

Red healing crystals have a lot of energy. I guess if you think about red warning signs or stop signs. The color red invokes a surge

red candle

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of energy. SO when you need a pick me up, reach for your red gem instead of that caffeine.

 

I don’t know which ones I am going to try first but I definitely want to find out how well they work. If you have already tried them or are currently using them, please leave a comment on your experience and I welcome any opinions of course about the practice. I can’t wait to find out how this ancient practice can help this girl and her mind, body, and soul get lined up…….

to be continued………