We are always hearing people talking about toxic people and how we need to rid ourselves of them. We are good at giving that advice to others. There are many conversations had about how they leave us feeling drained emotionally and we begin to doubt ourselves when around them. I have been spending a lot of time with myself lately and I am starting to wonder if I sometimes do the same thing to myself? Am I being toxic to myself?

When we allow people who do not serve us good to stay in our lives, we are giving toxicity permission to hold space there. Is that decision to allow the toxic people and situations to stay in our life us being toxic to ourselves? When we don’t show up for ourselves or stand up for ourselves, is that a form of being toxic? When we agree with the things people say about us, or the negative thoughts of inadequacy or unworthiness we hold for ourselves…isn’t that toxic? Am I being toxic to myself when I feed myself those negative things and believe what others say about me?

poor intentions

Everyone around us does not have good intentions for us. Let’s be real. We want to believe that they all do, but we have to know that everyone is not cheering us on. Everyone is not praying for us or standing with us. Life can seem so unfair. It can feel like you are alone fighting against the world. Is everyone really out to get you?

We look at some of the people in our lives and wonder if they really want the best for us or are they just looking for a front seat in the hopes that we fall flat on our face? Do they have good intentions for us? Who really knows beside them, right?  What about you…what are your real intentions for yourself? Look at what you say to yourself and how you move to know the answer to that question.

When we are sitting around thinking about these things and of course, adding more fuel to that fire, we are being toxic to ourselves. Are those thoughts for your good? Are they going to make you a better you? No! So when we think that we are alone fighting against the world and telling ourselves that often, we are being toxic.

it is not you against the world

It really is not you against the world. You do not have to be alone unless you choose to. Why would we want to do this world alone? It is hard to do it with other people , yes, but I cannot imagine, nor would I want to see anyone do that. If we are truly living us against the world, we would surely fail at our careers, friendships, relationships, trying to see personal growth, and many other things. No man is an island. We need each other. We just have to find the right people to walk with us through this life.

If it were us against the world there would be no point in ever investing any energy in others or things since we are bound to fail thinking that nothing can work with us. Thinking like that is toxic. So I guess it is possible for us to be just as toxic to ourselves as other people can be to us.

are you being toxic to yourself?

Are you speaking to yourself in an unkind manner? Do you act like a victim at times or guilt trip yourself through life? What about being offended….can anyone say something to you and you not be offended or ready to pull your metaphoric boxing gloves out of your pocket because you are always ready for a fight?

When someone offers you genuine help, do you think they are criticizing or judging you? What about if they compliment you…is it hard for you to just say thank you and move on or must you create an argument that proves that they are wrong? Are you jealous of others or emotionally drained when you come out of your thoughts? Do you talk yourself out of just about everything you want to do because you tell yourself you are not worthy or qualified to get it done?

Then you my dear are being toxic to yourself!

“fix it Jesus”

In the same way that we say to ourselves and our friends that we need to cut the toxic people and things out of our life, we can rid ourselves of our view of the world and ourselves and begin to live a more freeing life.

We can replace that current toxic mindset with a more caring and compassionate mindset. It is not some thing that will happen overnight and it won’t be easy because it took us a while to create the mindset that is making us feel the way we do when we are vibrating low. You can do it! WE can do it!

When we have those thoughts that we have no control, we can remind ourselves that we have more control than we actually think we do. Everyone is not our enemy and the world is not conspiring against us. Sometimes WE are making decisions too quickly or when we are experiencing decision fatigue because we have made decisions all day.  Sometimes we are watching others and trying to duplicate their life. We need to learn HOW to make decisions for ourselves and stand in our own truth.

We also can’t be afraid to make decisions because of what happened in the past. It doesn’t mean that the past result will always happen. When we try again, we know more and we are in a different space. This gives us the possibility to fail our way to success. If at first you don’t succeed…..

what if…?

What if you just stopped thinking that you were doing life alone? If you changed the way you thought about yourself and your ability to get things done, what do you think would happen?

What do you think would happen?

I wanna say that you might start attracting people that see things in you that make them curious enough to want to get to know you. I’m thinking that you wouldn’t assume the worst when someone compliments you or offers you help. Let me see….maybe, just maybe, you will start assuming that there are people who have good intentions when they think of you. Will you be more willing to try new things and connect with others? Probably!

I was just thinking about all of the times we have been hurt by others, unintentionally and intentionally. We can take our time and learn to put up proper boundaries for those who hurt us intentionally. What about forgiving the ones who do it unintentionally and not just immediately throwing them away but communicating your feelings about what happened and working on moving forward. Don’t blame yourself! Please and thank you! You are only responsible for what you say and do and how you respond to what is said and done to you.

it. is. a. new. day

The feeling we have when we cut toxic people out of our lives is more than likely the same feeling you will have when you cut your toxic expectations from your life. You can move forward in your life with less fear of failure, more confidence and openness to the possibilities that are out there waiting for you to agree with them.

Let’s have new expectations of success. Whatever success looks like to you. If you are showing up for yourself often, I would say that you are pretty successful in your own right. There is so much out there waiting for you once you let go of the idea that you can’t have nor are you worthy of the things that you desire.

Allow yourself to take the actions you need to in order to live the life you really desire. Be kind and compassionate to yourself, especially when things don’t go exactly as planned. Allow yourself to feel and receive all of the goodness that comes your way.