Hardly anyone wants to admit that they settle. Whether we want to admit it or not, we sometimes find ourselves settling in life… in our jobs, in our friendships, and our romantic relationships. I believe when we find ourselves settling in our relationships, we are choosing quantity over quality, and honestly, we are really denying ourselves true happiness. It may not feel like something bad, but settling is damaging both people in the relationship because no one is living their truth. Whoever is settling is not allowing the other person in the relationship to receive who/what they really deserve. It seems unfair.
Many people in these relationships probably feel that it is better to just suck it up and keep moving inside of the relationship because they enjoy receiving from the relationship. They sit around hoping and wishing things will get better so they choose not to rock the boat. If someone is in a relationship like this, I know for sure that it is bringing them down emotionally and mentally and making them feel like crap inside. Been there, done that! We are not doing ourselves any favors by trying to keep a boat steady that is adding no value to us as a person and making us feel miserable inside.
Are you settling in your relationship?
Here are some reasons why someone would ….
- They think they don’t deserve better. Honestly, if you are not happy in your relationship, then you do deserve better! Periodt! I am not saying they have to make you happy because we are all responsible for our own happiness. The minute we give that power to someone else, we have completely lost control. We deserve the chance to be happy. If being in that person’s space takes that away from you in any form, you may need to reconsider the relationship.
- They feel the pressure to make it work. If you are in your 30s and 40s, a lot of people are married with children and making it work (or at least that is what they let us see). It just looks like it is something that you are supposed to be doing now. You may be feeling the pressure from family and friends to stay because “there is nothing out there on the dating scene”. Or, you may like the material happiness that comes along with the company.
- Denial! Most people that are settling in their relationships are really good at justifying every aspect of their relationship. They can paint a very pretty picture over the picture of their breaking heart and none will be the wiser… at least that is what they think.
- It is easier to stay than leave. To me, this is just lazy. Why bother to give yourself the space to create a life you can really enjoy? Why have the freedom to be YOU? Really? Lazy.
- They don’t wanna start over. I know that I hate when I give my time to something and it just doesn’t work out. I really don’t enjoy those experiences…and I have to admit that I am a terrible quitter! I really have to feel that I have exhausted all possibilities before I walk away from anything. I don’t do that as much as I used to. When people look at leaving a person and fears that it will mean starting all over again, they do not want to put in the time nor the energy to start fresh. They enjoy telling people that they have been in a relationship or married for 14 years or whatever…but if you have not been yourself and/or happy in it, you’re not bragging about much. The song Fake Love from Drake comes to mind 😒
- They are a creature of habit. Whaaaaaa?! I mean, we are all creatures of habit to an extent. This is not to say all of our habits are great ones though! We just like to keep things as they are …safety. There are people who are more addicted to habit than others though. They need to keep things in their place and that does spill over into their personal lives, making them settle because they are not interested in breaking habits…they would rather be broken inside.
- It involves too much to end it. People may stay if they feel like it will just be too much to figure out who keeps the house, the bank account, and the dog or whatever. They have family dinners and events to attend in the near future and bringing someone else would get them too many side eyes. We need to stop allowing fear to keep us from moving in the direction that will set our soul free. There are other apartments and banks, hell, even more dogs..or shared custody with the dog if it means that much to you. And I will say this, we cannot always be scared to let things go thinking that we will just be empty. When we let things go, we can be making room for bigger and better…have Faith!!
- They don’t wanna be alone. This seems to be a huge one to me. When you have been with someone for a while, the thought of being out in the dating world again is probably a scary one. That fear is getting in the way of your priority…YOU! Taking care of you and your heart should be of the utmost importance. If this person is not serving good to your soul and adding value to you and you stay, you are telling yourself that you are not a priority and your quality of life is not important.
Start checking in with yourself often. See how you are feeling about your job, your friendships and your romantic relationship. Be honest with yourself. Show yourself some love by making the bold move to prove that you deserve all of the happiness in the world…by all means necessary (within reason, of course)
Time to clean house!