I used to be a super gullible person. I really always believed that people are good…even after they have shown me a million times that they didn’t care about my feelings at all. I always try to give people a chance and believe that most people mean well and are sincere. I mean, if you are always good to people, listen, and help them out when they need it, why would they ever want to hurt you deliberately? But I have grown up and now more than ever, I realize that people are going to do what feels good to them and they want you to do the same for them….forget about how you feel in the midst of it.
I was naive then but we cannot believe that everyone in our lives is on our side. It is hard to believe but they are not! Not all of them anyway and we need to see that and change how we respond to them to keep peace in our own lives. I have had my feelings hurt many times by people who claimed to love me but the love came with conditions. We are all going to run into fake and manipulative people every now and then so we have to keep our eyes peeled. We have to protect ourselves…that is what they are doing. After all.
So in my experience, I have seen a few things and realized that I was being taken on a ride and either changed the dynamics of our relationship or dissolved the relationships altogether. I have read a few books as well that have helped me to spot a person that does not have my best interests at heart.
If they have ever……try to demean you or undermine your confidence
Emotional abuse is one of the most common tactics of manipulators. They try to leave you emotionally weak and feeling insecure. They know that you will cling to them more and it will make them feel stronger. They may also make you believe in them and become more intimate so that they can get you to open up to them and give them information. They will use it against you at some point to benefit themselves, believe that.
They pressure you into making decisions that you don’t wanna make.
They make you feel like you have to hurry to make decisions and you feel like you don’t have time to see if the decision will benefit you or not. They start off with small favors and slowly work their way toward sometimes very unreasonable demands. This is so that it does not raise suspicion.
They act dumb and unknowingly. Some of us tend to trust people that seem to be unknowing and well, for lack of a better word, dumb. They can see that and use it to get you to do what they want you to do. They feign weakness but they are really smart and dangerous in that way…..think Machiavelli.
They are always playing the victim. They make it look like they are the ones being used, abused, hurt, and harassed so that they can get the pressure off of themselves and you will feel sorry for them and give them what they want.
They invoke the silent treatment to get you to talk or do what they want. First of all, this is a very immature behavior….and I am guilty of this at one time in my life!!! When I noticed it, I was upset with myself because although it was subtle, I was still doing it and I really did not want that to be part of who I was. I was doing it to avoid confrontation and drama but, it is really telling the person that you do not feel like working things out, therefore you are choosing to punish them by withholding love. Mature people know how to use their words to settle an issue or fix a problem. They also do not avoid having a difficult conversation. This is me now…Thank God!
Once you notice these people around, you have to set boundaries in order to protect yourself. Stand your ground! You have to let people know what you will tolerate and what is not going to work for you. Some of them will still try you but most will just leave you alone. Remember who you are and the fact that you should always be treated with the utmost respect.