That One Trait

pexels-photo-256709.jpegRelationships can be hard. We all have certain things that we will not compromise when it comes to choosing a date or even a friend. Tall, dark, and handsome….or maybe you will bend a little on the handsome if he is financially stable, or is good in bed. But what if he is a nice guy but a little chunky? Would you give up him being physically attractive if he treated you well? What about the friends…she may have your back but she gossips about you and everyone else. Would you compromise her being a good friend to you but she is always complaining and being judgmental?

We make compromises every day and when it comes to our relationships, it is no different. For the chance at love and acceptance, we sometimes allow things that we may tell our friends and family to run from.

monk-hands-faith-person-45178.jpegIn any relationship you have, I believe that there is a character trait that should not be ignored and you should not compromise with. It took me a long time to see it and I left some friendships behind because of it…..insecure people who do not manage their insecurities well.

Now, this isn’t just romantic relationships. This can be friends, coworkers and other associates in general. If a person cannot see their flaws and be accountable for them, it is going to be hard to conduct yourself in a loving way toward them.

There are always going to be problems in a relationship. Every relationship will have a fight or two or ten and someone’s emotional baggage is going to make a guest pexels-photo-678582.jpegappearance. In order for a relationship to last, both people have to be willing to recognize flaws in themselves and communicate about them openly. If you know how to express yourself in a healthy manner you will more than likely attract someone who can do the same. On the other hand, if you over-express yourself or even suppress your feelings, you may run into the same type of person and this can mean trouble.

All of my past relationships/friendships were great learning experiences for me. All were great experiences that ended because their season had come but a few caused a great deal of pain; the lessons learned were even greater. And whether a good or bad ending, I always had a part to play in it. It isn’t until you experience emotionally healthy people that are capable of managing their flaws, do you learn who you are and what you really need in a relationship. Once you are around a person with this trait, you will not ever want to compromise on it. You search for it in every relationship you have. I mean truthfully, some of us are not willing to overlook the superficial traits like education, intelligence, or looks. They are important no doubt, but if that same person who has all of that but is not willing to own up to their flaws and be accountable for them, your relationship is going to suffer.

pexels-photo-169978.jpegHonestly, how would the person that you are dating, married to, or in a relationship with act when you offer them constructive criticism on how you think they can be better? Will they get angry, act out…maybe even cause some drama? Are they going to blame you for their behavior or maybe criticize you back? Walk away? Maybe they would listen to your perspective, it may hurt and they may have an emotional outburst at first, then think about what was said and be willing to talk about it. You may be able to talk about it and learn about one another without blame or shame being involved.  No drama…no trying to make you angry or jealous…. how refreshing that would be right?! If that cannot happen, I would skip that date. For real!! Would if that same person was the one giving YOU the constructive criticism. How would you behave?

Being able to have an open, intimate conversation with someone about anything, flaws and all without any blame or shame is hard to do. I’m sure that there are very few people that can really do it. I believe that in order to have a long lasting healthy relationship, it is necessary. We have to begin our relationships, from the moment of conception, with integrity and honesty.  If we start that way, it will be easy to maintain and there will be no habit of stirring up drama.

I really truly believe that people like this exist. Heck, I work hard to be this person for my loved ones. Our emotional integrity sees/chooses the emotional integrity of others.  When we fix ourselves, the people we meet seem to magically be just as functional as we have become. wood-lighting-creativity-paper.jpg

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