Everyone needs love. Everyone wants it and listening to people talk, there are way too many that do not know how to get to it. Love is so important. It gives us the energy we need to make it through the day. It gives us the motivation to push forward toward our dreams. When someone believes in you, as an individual and a unit, it gives you life. You believe you can do anything! All people deserve that kind of love in some form or fashion. Unconditional love was shown to us at birth and knowing that we have it in the people that we love that way gives us wings.
In order to have grown-up love, you kind of have to be “grown-up” yourself. When someone does not appear grown-up, they do a lot of blaming others. It just has to be someone else’s fault when things don’t work out well in their relationships. You are not ready for that grown-up love if this is something you are doing. You need to grow up! We can’t just want something and not have the tools to handle it when we get it. We have to work on ourselves to become the person that will attract grown-up love. We have to have the same qualities we need in our potential love.
Look at the relationships that you have now. Are you behaving like an adult or a child when things are going well? What about when things go sideways? Are you throwing a tantrum…giving the silent treatment?
You hear the stories of men that are actually boys trapped in their childhood emotions. Or maybe you have a man like that yourself. You saw the warning signs way before the commitment, but he was a cutie, made you laugh, good job, and you had to have him. You just knew you could change him. Your love was going to make him the man that you always dreamed about. You made a wishlist of everything you wanted in a man (he had not one of those qualities, but you were strong and determined).How is that working out for you? Or for your friend (wink,wink)? What about you? Are you looking anything like that list of qualities yourself?
I believe in love, that real stuff. Real love conquers all! I have seen it myself. I give it on the daily, in fact. In order for it to do that though, everyone involved has to be grown-up and ready! It will not be easy, but oh so worth it. It makes sense that we should be willing to make the changes needed to find that type of relationship. We have to rid ourselves of our old habits that we carried into the past relationships and may have caused break-ups.
We have to be able to do more than exist, we have to want to live fully! We should not feel that we have to depend on others for love, to be happy, or anything else for that matter. When you feel that way, if and when the relationship ends, you feel like you are going to die and your world is crumbling right before your eyes. That is a child-like thought/feeling, child-like moves. That is you depending on someone to sustain, like they are your parent , not your partner and that’s not cool. And love doesn’t have to be messy for it to be exciting. I hate drama! That soap opera relationship stuff is for the birds, for real! Not necessary at all. Childish relationships thrive on drama. They are full of holes, unresolved issues…just one big rollercoaster ride making everyone nauseous and unfulfilled. And for some reason, the children don’t leave! Pride, fear, and egos cause harm to relationships, child stuff!! Relationships with rules, regulations, and/or conditions are not cool either. Nor are the ones that are for personal gain or convenience. Child stuff! Eventually things will crumble, then the finger-pointing will begin.
When I think of grown-up relationships, I think about communication and the fact that they move at a good pace, no rushing, no waiting forever because of fear. Just cruising, without the drama, without too many expectations. Patience, understanding, laughs, tears, acceptance, partnership! Everyone changes as time goes on. Grown-up love sees that and they learn each other and they are open to accept each other’s uniqueness. They put in more work to make sure that the relationship is safe, feeling the unconditional love. No demands to stay the same person. Trust is a grown-up relationship thing too. It comes naturally with grown folks. I mean, there will be issues but they face them with maturity and communication…can’t say that enough. Grown-up love flows with authenticity and acceptance of each other’s flaws and all. They get stronger together because they allow room to change, strengthen, and develop, not just together but individually as well. When you are with someone that you can bring anything to the table to talk about, great things are accomplished, respect and care about and for one another is shown. What is there to fear in that? Grown-up relationships don’t have manipulation, game playing and control. Everything is laid out there for all to see, safe. No reason to try to read minds or guess. They can talk about anything, or nothing at all, nothing is off limits, safe. They can test the extremes of a relationship and not cause damage to it or each other.
No one is going to be everything you need. This does not mean, go get you a variety of lovers or anything. You may have different hobbies, friendships, and interests that help to keep you healthy and happy, but at the end of the day, back to your grown-up love thing. We can’t sacrifice doing things that we really love to do. We can live and love fully without the pressure of thinking we have to meet every single one of our partners needs. We just cannot be everything to anyone, don’t even try! We do not have to sacrifice one part of ourselves to make someone else happy. Not in grown-up love, nope.
Whatever we put out there for others to see, is what we mostly end up attracting. This means we need to do the work to become the person that we want to be in relation with. When you are truly living and know who you are AND what you want from your lover, you will not miss out on them when they are near. You will recognize them and be ready for that grown-up love. Remember that no one completes you. Come to them complete and compliment one another. We shine alone…shine even brighter together! That’s grown-up love right there.