Honestly speaking, the last couple of years have come with many challenges for me. I decided to leave the corporate salon world to pursue my own business, and decided to add to it a “side chick”, a travel business. They are both passions of mine and I wanted to start living to pursue my dreams instead of supporting someone else’s. They both come with their own set of challenges but I have been determined to win, whatever the cost, because this is for me. As mothers…wives…friends..family members…etc, we spend our lives giving ourselves away. Taking care of our needs and desires many times takes a backseat to everyone else. I have been working on changing that part of my life. Yes, I will continue to take care of others, but not at the expense of caring for myself. I also started doing this blog couple of months ago and I feel like it has been a bit of a slow start but I will continue to learn what I need to to get to my vision. It has also been pretty challenging but like most of my other challenges, I am up for it!!
Sometimes the stressing of life and pushing toward our dreams can make us have doubts or regrets.
When things started to feel like they were not moving for me, I got quiet. I usually like to spend time alone to think about my next move. When others are around, I begin to think about how they will feel about my plan, or how they will be affected and I forgot about what I really truly want, or I adjust it in some way to accommodate. That is changing. Getting alone, helps me to focus on me and what will make me feel fulfilled..because I am just as important as the people that I love right? I realized a short time ago that I was lacking self-awareness and it stopped things from moving forward for me.
In these last few years, I have made a few special friends, learned to tackle my buried issues, and calm my mind in the middle of much chaos. Like many military wives and mothers I sometimes go in and out of small bouts of depression, anxiety, and lack of confidence because when we make that choice, we sign up to be a married, single mom.
But I am thankful that I have triumphed over that through the years…phew!! I cannot say that getting to the point of being self-aware didn’t take me a long time. It has allowed me to be more focused, patient, be in a better mood, and have a lot more energy.
Ok, I know you are asking, “how did you do that girl?” Good question and here is how…. (and this is still something I am working on because I am nowhere near perfection!)
1. Learn to forgive.
I was talking to my oldest son about this last night and I told him that sometimes I wish that I wasn’t so forgiving! I do it so quickly that I feel the person doesn’t get a chance to feel guilty so they won’t say or do what they did again… I know that it is a gift to have a forgiving heart because forgiveness is for you, not the offender… I am just being honest. I also learned to forgive myself for all of the years of emotional and mental abuse I put myself through when I failed at following through on…(fill in the blank). I broke the chains of slavery and now I am working on building a positive life and legacy for myself.
2. Morning meditation.
Now that I have started doing this to begin my morning, along with praying, my days are so much more productive and beautiful. Of course, things happen, but my response to them keeps my day on the positive side, for the most part. I try to notice my breathing and the internal things that I will be too “busy” to notice later and visualize my day. It really does help me to be less distracted by all of the “monkey wrenches” to come and I can respond and not react to my day. There is a difference, I hope you know that.
3. Be comfortable with being uncomfortable
As a business owner, you never know what the day will bring and we are always trying to shake things up so that we continue to build and grow. Building and growing does not always feel like a hot stone massage ( I just LOVE hot stone massages…get you one!). Every day, I try to put myself in a place that is outside of my comfort zone, if only for a moment. Set small goals for yourself that make you uncomfortable even if it just talking to a stranger in line. It helps you to face fear and it helps you grow and develop into a more confident human.
4. Accept thing that you cannot change/control …it is what it is.
We cannot control anything except our own choices and how we respond to what happens externally. We cannot worry anything in fruition! We cannot change what people think about us…that is their issue! We cannot let social media “digs” consume our thoughts and offend or distract us and cause us to respond negatively. Remember the only thing that you can control is your own mind. Let people talk or judge. That only proves your relevance in their life, and reveals their character. Who has time for that anyway? We have things to accomplish!!
5. Journal and Create a vision board and a personal mission statement
This kind of builds off of my meditation time. I write about what I thought about during that time. I keep track of not just my thoughts, but my goals and where I want to improve. I write about my intentions..toward myself, my family, my business, and others. I get to look back at my wins and my losses and update myself. Journaling helps me to look back at where I
was mentally and emotionally when I set goals and/or how I responded to an experience and I get to gauge how much I have grown. I have more than one journal. I have a gratitude journal as well to write at least one or two things that I am grateful for. It helps to end my day on a positive note and I can go to sleep without the stresses of the day on my brain as I slumber.
Spending time getting to know you, your hopes and dreams, is very important. It will help you make choices that serve your soul in a positive way. It will also help you to eliminate things and people that do not serve your growth…and you will take action without apology! Once you are filled up, you can love on others without feeling resentful or drained. And how will anyone really love you thoroughly if you are unable to teach them all about you, someone you should know VERY well?